Ever'body

I'm out of AriZona Pomegranate Green Tea.
Mildred fell and broke her hip last week. Bobbie told me she has been talking to Mildred on the phone every morning. And she left this note on the door to the Community Room.

I like how she says "ever one" and "ever body."
Opening Day is officially Thursday though most teams (including the Rockies) don't play until Friday. This season has me worried. Why am I worried? I'm worried because I think the Rockies will be really good this year, and if they aren't, I'll be devastated. It's so much easier when you expect them to suck. The computers that run the simulated games predict the Rockies to win 86 games. Rockies sportswriters think they'll win 90. I think they should win 100. Will they? There are a lot of "ifs" in that: if Tulo stays healthy; if CarGo matches last season; if Ianetta, Stewart, and Smith start hitting; if Helton's back doesn't give out; if Ubaldo pitches like an ace; if we get production from the 5th spot in the rotation. Heck, if all those "ifs" turn out well, there's no reason the Rockies couldn't win 110 games. The problem is something will go wrong at some point. Honestly, I'm the most worried about Ubaldo and CarGo. I pray that last season wasn't a fluke for them. If it wasn't then I say we win the division.
Blue.
I finally did our taxes the other day.
A couple weeks ago, we were looking through the videos the church has to find something to show the kids. We found a CD sing-a-long that included a bonus DVD. The DVD was called "The Boy Who Faced His Giant" by The Paper Bag Theatre. It was AMAZING. It looks like a video put together by a bunch of high schoolers for a class project using paper bag puppets, but it's actually funny. They make references to "Jaws" and "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" and have angels committing arson. The kids loved it so much they made me show it again this past Sunday, and I think they have watched it at least twice otherwise when Anna and I weren't there.
I'm thirsty.
My back hurts. It's a mess.
Kayleigh is the proper spelling of my slaves name.
Poopface is staring at me. I think she wants to go outside, but she keeps refusing to do anything when I actually take her out. She also smells like butt.
I can tell it's springtime because there are great clumps of Poopface fur everywhere.
I made Anna some sweet tea. She doesn't know that yet because it's in the refrigerator cooling down.
Anna's cute. I think I'll keep her.
Anna's favorite band, The Civil Wars, will be in Louisville and Cincinnati this week. Tomorrow, Anna will find out her schedule for the week, and we can figure out if we can go to at least one of the shows.

#104 Marilyn

Huffing and wheezing
Where is that elusive breath?
C.O.P.D. bites.

Artist: Stavesacre
Album: Speakeasy
Genre: post-hardcore/hard rock

Anal Glands

Anna has to work most of the day today. I'm lonely.
Anna's being promoted to a manager. I think she should fire everyone.
Monday night, Anna and I were headed somewhere when John poked his head out his door to tell me his kitchen light had quit working. I verified that it truly wasn't working and told him I'd be back during my office hours on Tuesday. On Tuesday, I replaced the ballast in his kitchen light, then I checked it to make sure everything was working.
Tuesday night was the monthly "pitch-in" dinner with the Lieutenants from the Salvation Army. I figured I should make an appearance to keep everyone happy. While at the dinner, John's ex-girlfriend (the one he had wanted to have move in with him last year) showed up to tell me that John's light was out again. I checked it, and sure enough, it was dead. Wednesday during office hours, I came back and replaced the ballast again. It worked again, and as far as I know, it's still working this time.
I was watching TV earlier when there was a knock (or more precisely, a series of rapid yet soft tapping)on the door and a voice hollering "Geoffrey, are you in there?" It was Bobbie. I stepped out into the hallway and discovered that Mildred and one of George's floozies were also present. Bobbie told me she wanted me to settle something, but most of the conversation that ensued was between her and the floozy. This is what I gathered. The floozy had been by yesterday and had left a pair of shoes at George's apartment. When she came by today to get them, George slammed the door on her and refused to let her in. Apparently, this is when Bobbie and Mildred got involved. I have no idea how long they waited before coming to me, but Bobbie seemed to think I should be able to do something about George not wanting the floozy inside. Once I understood the issue, I explained to Bobbie and the floozy that George had every right to keep his door closed, and I couldn't do anything about it. At this point, Bobbie went off. "I wouldn't open my door for that man if he were lying on the floor dead." "George and Katie are disgusting." "They can both drop dead for all I care." "Susie says George and Katie have no business living here." "A negro woman was knocking on Katie's door earlier, but she wouldn't open up neither." "George is mean. He threatened to hit me with his cane." The floozy kept saying that George must have another "girl" over there, and that's why he wouldn't open up. I just repeated that George didn't have to open up if he didn't want to. Bobbie offered to call the police. I tried to explain that there was no reason to call the police. The floozy left. Mildred and Bobbie went back to sitting together in the Community Room and complaining about George and Katie.
Poopface must be having major issues with her butt glands. For the last couple weeks, she's been extra stinky but not all the time. She must keep popping them and having them fill up again.
Last Saturday, we went with the church to the Creation Museum. Let's just say that Anna and I were extremely disappointed with the lack of scientific evidence actually displayed by the museum and the way everyone else seemed to eat it all up like it was the greatest thing ever.
The Lieutenants have a Bible study in the Community Room every Monday. Bobbie decided to join them this week. This surprised me because she's been very vocal in the past about not having anything to do with the Salvation Army. I can't always understand what they are saying while I sit in my office, but most of the time I can tell you what is going on. In summary of Monday's Bible study, Bobbie spent most of the time interrupting with random thoughts like "That's not what my Bible says" and "I can't pay attention to this." The times she wasn't just inserting random thoughts were the times she spent arguing over things, and this happened before the Lieutenant had even finished reading the passage. Before he had even voiced an opinion, she was arguing with him about it. So Tuesday, Bobbie comes by the office and gives me this little gem: "Are they building another apartment over there. Somebody said they was taken applications. Is it another Salvation Army? Who owns this place? Salvation Army doesn't own this place, does they? I was the only one answering questions yesterday. Everyone else was just bumps on a log. And those two was arguing, and they shouldn't be arguing like that. There's no place for that, dontcha think?"
Poopface likes it if you knock on the top of her head likes it's a door.
I want pizza.
Dark Blue.
My bladder is starting to fill.
When I finish this, I'm going to clean out the litter box.
I took Poopface out to do her business the other night, and she went tearing after a skunk. Fortunately, I had a good grip on her leash.

Haiku

#103 John

A little old man
Jolly and illiterate
"Hey, bud!" He calls me.

Band: Zao
Album: The Parade of Chaos
Genre: Metalcore (before metalcore was a bunch of As I Lay Dying copycat bands)