The Last Day of a Decade

It's the last day of the decade. I realize that it is very early on the last day of the decade, but I'll probably be doing something else tonight. At first, I was going to do a last day of the year post, but that just seemed silly.
On New Years Eve ten years ago, I was a freshman in high school, spending the night with my youth group at our youth pastor's house. We were sipping Martinelli's and watching the AdAmAn Club launch fireworks off of Pike's Peak. I was fifteen and still wanted to be a MLB player. I had just gotten my first CD player at the beginning of wrestling season and owned two albums: "Supernatural" by dctalk and "Underdog" by Audio Adrenaline. I didn't have any friends.
In the year 2000, I would sprain my ankle in wrestling practice to end my freshman season, make my first efforts towards growing facial hair, and buy my very first CD for myself: "Drawing Black Lines" Project 86 (I was looking for "The Fundamental Elements of Southtown" by P.O.D., but it was sold out). I turned sixteen and got my driver's license that summer. I drove a '90 blue and white GMC Jimmy. I drove much faster than I should have. 2000 likely ended with another youth group party at the youth pastor's house. I still didn't have any friends.
2001 brought me my first trip to the state wrestling tournament and the discovery that teachers liked the stuff I wrote. I also learned that I was pretty decent at the trumpet. I even made the one honor band for which I auditioned. I went to my first concert in 2001: P.O.D. and Blindside at the Fillmore Auditorium in Denver. I left behind most of my awful musical tastes and developed some good ones. I first tweaked my back in a wrestling match towards the end of 2001. I'm sure I spent another New Years Eve with the youth group. In spite of the fact that a lot of people thought I was a really angry person, I actually started to make friends.
In 2002, I discovered the internet, chat rooms, and AIM. I went to a whole lot of concerts, such as Project 86 with Blindside and Zao with Underoath. I tried downloading music from Kazaa, but nobody had bands that I liked, and all the music had the little annoying loopy sounds. I was in the emergency room twice in twenty-four hours when I had to have stitches in my right earlobe and then separated my ribs in a tournament the next day (In Leadville, at 10,000ft. above sea level, it was then that I was also informed that I had exercise induced asthma). I did manage to make the state tournament again, with one rib floating out of place. This is the year I also started to make some lasting relationships. I quit playing baseball because the coach was a liar. I thought I would go to Iowa State and study physics. Once again, I spent New Years Eve with the youth group. I had two fantastic friends in Aimee and John.
2003 brought the last semester of high school and the first of college. I got headbutted at regionals and failed to make state. I didn't decided until pretty late that I would attend Calvin. I got my first job (at Britton's Nursery). My grandmother died. I had my first kiss (yes, with Anna), and I spent my first Thanksgiving with her family (and went to the first of my funereal viewings for Anna's family). I passed my first semester of college courses. I lived with Joel in VanDellen. We hardly talked to each other. I thought he was weird because he hated round trashcans in corners. I discovered the wonders of high speed internet. I blasted my music down the halls during loud hours. I spent Christmas with my family and New Years with the youth group.
2004 found me still living with Joel. We still didn't talk. Anna auditioned for a music scholarship at Calvin in January (she got it). I stayed in my dorm room most of the time. I played Wolfenstein and Joel played Civ. III or something like that. I took Anna to her senior prom. I went back to work at the nursery. Anna came to Calvin. We loathed the limited hours we could be in each other's dorms. I spent another Thanksgiving with her family. Joel and Anna got along great. It turned out Joel was really funny. We all watched TV and yelled "SMUT" at the screen. I officially decided to be an English major. I went home for Christmas. I'm sure I spent another New Years Eve with the youth group.
In 2005, Anna got the Explorer. We used this to go visit her family on several occasions. I spent Spring Break with her. Joel decided he wanted to live with Dan in the Knollcrest East apartments. They needed another roommate, so Dan asked if I wanted to join them. I said sure, though I hardly knew Dan. I think Joel was sad because he was trying to escape me. I went back to Colorado for the summer. I started the summer working at the nursery, but I got laid off. I ended up working with Greg at L.L. Johnson, delivering sprinkler parts. Upon returning to Calvin, Anna and I discovered that the apartments were awesome because she could come over anytime she wanted. We got a job working for a lady, assembling little beaded crafts, that she sold at craft fairs and such. A certain friend of ours had a major breakdown which seriously changed the course of our college experience. I spent another Thanksgiving with Anna. I went home for Christmas. You know how I spent New Years Eve.
In 2006, I proposed to Anna. We started planning our wedding. We kept beading. Due to the previously mentioned breakdown, Anna starting developing a whole new group of friends. One of her new friends asked her to live with her the coming year. This is how Anna came to live with Jana, Sara, and Heather. During the summer, Anna received a note from Calvin informing her that due to Heather's spending a semester abroad, they were being assigned another roommate, Andi. I continued to live with Dan, though Joel finally decided he was sick of me and started rooming with some other guys. That summer I couldn't find any work in Colorado, so I moved to Indiana and started working construction with Anna's dad. The girls of D10 became Anna's (and thus my) best friends. We played way too much guitar hero. The guys across the hall said way too many dirty jokes, and we all had way too much fun. I also decided that I liked to cook. I went home for one last Christmas with my family. You all know the drill.
2007 was the best year of my life. I got married. I had awesome friends at Calvin to go with my one friend from home. Anna and I honeymooned in the Smokies. We got our own apartment in Grand Rapids, and Anna got us our first pet, Howie. Andi came back to attend the wedding and spent a month with us that summer. We kept beading until we were laid off in December. I spent my first Christmas with Anna and her family. That was also the first New Years that I got to kiss someone as the year switched over.
In 2008, I finally graduated college. Anna and I took a square dancing class together. Nearly all of our friends graduated and left Grand Rapids. I developed an obsession with the Foodnetwork. I got a shotgun as a graduation present from Anna's parents. Andi came and visited again that summer. We let Heather squat in our apartment during the summer, while we were in Indiana. Jana and Sara both got married. I was a groomsman in Dan's wedding (to think, I thought he was a little fruity when I first met him as a freshman at Calvin). Anna had her last real semester of classes. We spent Christmas and New Years together.
In 2009, Anna convinced me that we needed another cat, so we added Chief Moses Puddington Chesterfield (or Chestertonfieldville). Anna did her student teaching at an elementary and a high school. She discovered she loves working with kids. Someone tried to break into our Grand Rapids apartment during the '08-'09 Christmas break. Jana and Jeremy finally left for California, so we were completely abandoned by our D10 friends. Anna and I were grateful for the few music department friends Anna still had around. Anna finished student teaching and graduated Calvin. Through a church connection, we heard about this apartment manager position, and I took this job. As a graduation present, Anna's parents got us really beautiful furniture for our place. I turned twenty-five this summer and got to sing on stage with my favorite band. Anna convinced me that we needed a dog, so she found Daisy on Craigslist. I had to put up with Daulton for the Fall semester of 2009. I spent another Christmas with Anna and will be spending the New Year with her as well. I concluded the year by writing this long account of the decade to bore my faithful readers to death.
In summary, ten years ago, Aimee was the only one of you that I knew, and that is only because her locker was always next to mine. I don't listen to the same music I did ten years ago, though I do listen to much of the same music I listened to 9 1/2 years ago (less of the P.O.D. and more of the Project 86 and Zao). I weigh a hundred pounds more than I did ten years ago. I'm ten years older than I was ten years ago. I spend Christmas with different people than I did ten years ago. I really don't know what ten years ago me would think of me now. I'm just as if not more conservative than I was ten years ago but somehow in a completely different way. I still laugh at my fifteen year old self's theology. I still dwell too much on things that happened 8,9,10 years ago. Ten years ago the country made a great choice in a president. Now the country decides it wants to blow its brains out. Ten years have seen me develop from an angry quiet loner to someone with an incredible group of friends and a wonderful wife.
I have a feeling that these next ten years will bring me ten years older, but I sure hope I'll be ten years older with all of you.
I started writing this two hours ago. The time, it is ticking.
Happy New Decade.

O, Holy Carp

On Christmas Eve, Anna and I took Elizabeth, Abby, and Noah to the Indianapolis Children's Museum. It is apparently the largest such museum in the world, and on Christmas Eve, admission is free. It was insane. We arrived at the museum just before opening, and the line of cars to get parking was several blocks long. The museum itself was kind of fun, but it was impossible to really stop and enjoy stuff because of all the people. Noah was everywhere. It took me awhile to get used to the idea that this place was designed for kids to touch and crawl all over everything. We spent most of the time just yelling "Noah!" as he ran off to some new discovery.
When we left the museum, we decided to get some food. It is at this point that I had this conversation with Noah:
Noah: "Where are we going?"
Me: "Crazy."
Noah: "I want little chickens and lemonade at Crazy."
We went to Chick-fil-a, and Noah got to eat his little chickens.
Christmas Eve night, Anna and I stayed at her parents' house. Daisy played with Hank. Lucy sulked in the corner because she hates it when other dogs get attention.
Christmas morning we woke up. We ate a delicious egg bake thingy that Anna's mother made. Then we decided to open presents.
I gave Anna "Up," a collection of Lewis Carroll's books, and a "sherpa" lined hoodie. Anna gave me a deep fryer and a Donkeys hat. Her parents gave me a super sweet laser range finder (it's a little like a telescope that you can use to calculate yardage when hunting). Her parents are too good to me.
We went to see Evil Grandmother for lunch. Anna's Uncle Phil and Aunt Debbie were there too. Anna and her uncle had a blast comparing applications on their new Droid phones (Anna found a really sweet guitar application that lets you play the phone like an acoustic guitar). Evil Grandmother declared that, "Tiger Woods really blew his wad, didn't he?" Aunt Debbie just said, "You could put it that way."
Evil grandmother gave Anna's father and me one of those Jupiter Jacks. I just kind of laughed to myself.
Sarah and her boyfriend came by later on Christmas. We gave Sarah a little hand purse made from a recycled sari and a book on the history of farting. We gave her boyfriend a flashlight. He was really excited to get presents (his family is Jewish, and I think this might have been his first Christmas).
Sarah made a cheese ball. We ate it.
I tried to call my family on Christmas. I got my mom. My brother and sister wouldn't answer their phones, and my dad never has his on.
On Christmas Eve, I passed out a bag with a chocolate cookie, a couple pieces of peppermint bark, and a card to all the residents. I hope nobody choked.
The Donkeys playoff possibilities make me want to cry.
Our friend Jennifer is staying at Anna's parents' house with her boyfriend. They are both in the Army. They are here for the last week of their Christmas leave. Sunday night we went to BW3s to watch the Donkeys continue to make a mess of themselves (if you will all recall, I said several weeks ago that they would finish no better than 9-7, which is only two more wins than my predicted 7-9 at the beginning of the season). And none of this will be enough to get McDaniels canned.
Later that night, in a haze of post-Denver-loss depress, we all tried to teach Jennifer euchre. She spent the first half of the game playing games on her phone at the same time. Each hand she would ask Anna (my partner) what she should do. We spent most of the game looking at her in disbelief.
People who don't read this blog: Jennifer
I'm glad Jennifer doesn't read this blog. We haven't told her about it, mostly because it's just too easy to say mean things about her here, and we wouldn't want to hurt her feelings.

Daulton's Last Day

Today was supposed to be Daulton's last day. He didn't show up.
The part finally arrived for the dryer. Now we are back to two working dryers.
I hate the Broncos so much right now. The sight of anything even remotely evocative of them makes me furious.
The kids' program was Sunday. They rocked it. And by "rocked it," I mean that there were some long awkward pauses and scenes completely mixed up and turned around. But by "rocked it," I still mean that they rocked it. No one cares if they make little mistakes. The congregation enjoyed it, I think. They had a couple good laughs too.
Pat came by the office today to give "Lauren" a Christmas/going-away present. I reminded her for the fifty-seventh time that his name is Daulton. Obviously, if you have been paying attention, you realize that Daulton was not here to receive this present. Pat wanted to know if I would see Daulton and if she could leave the gift with me. Her asking me this turned into a twenty minute story that included everything from her husband dying fifty-four years ago, to her daughter dying young, to her seventy pound dog Sheba attacking the mailman, to her poor health, to her husband setting Sheba on fire while attempting to barbeque in the garage.
Between that last paragraph and this one, I removed two loads of laundry from the dryers and switched the two loads from the washers to the newly emptied dryers.
It's almost Christmas. It doesn't feel like it. I still need to get the majority of Anna's Christmas presents.
Speaking of Anna and Christmas. My dear cute little wife is terrible. My mother sent us our presents in a box, with clear instructions for me to wrap Anna's present when it arrived. I did manage to do this, using the supplied gift bag, but because it was in a gift bag, Anna decided it wouldn't do any harm to go through everything she got, including opening a sealed envelope with her name on it. She told me she'd just put it all back and open it again Christmas morning, which of course ruins the whole thing. Essentially, what I am saying is that you should never give Anna a present until you are ready for her to open it.
I will not let Anna even see her wrapped presents from me until Christmas morning.
My mother-in-law's family Christmas party was Sunday afternoon. Anna wasn't feeling up to going, but a few weeks ago, we had agreed to bring bread. I went ahead and made the loaves and went. I don't mind most of Anna's family. Heck, I don't mind all of Anna's family, and I even like a lot of them. In general, I actually kind of like most of the people who were at the party. We made fun of Scott (Anna's cousin) a lot because he just got his wisdom teeth pulled, and he looked ridiculous. We also got to hear about Rachel (Scott's sister) and her trials and tribulations with college basketball and a coach with an anger management problem.
Our kitchen light is dead. The electrician is coming in the morning to fix it and to fix a light switch in Bobbie's apartment and a light in Pat's bathroom.
"I thought about fire in the sky/I thought about fire/I thought about love burning in your eye/I thought about fire" I have a great deal of good music. It's nice to remind myself of that sometimes.
The Rockies have yet to make any noise in trades this offseason. Mostly, they seem to have been working on resigning people. What they need is to get their young hitters to improve their batting averages and their pitchers to pitch under pressure.
Katie walked into my office today and informed me that it hurt to walk because of the calluses on her feet. She then decided it was necessary to show me her callused feet.
People who read this blog: Person who read forty-two entries in one day
Somebody from Western Michigan University spent over three hours reading our blog. I think they found our blog via a friend's blog. Usually, I think it's interesting when strangers read our blog. This time, I just think it's weird and kind of creepy. I wonder what they learned about me. I wonder what it is about this blog that made them keep reading. They probably were just astounded by the precision of my prose and were imagining how sexy I look as I write these entries half (or completely) naked, at my desk.

yay kids. :)

Anna.

So today was the children's Christmas program at Brown's Corner. They did so well and it was really, really cute. Those kids make me happy that I'm at that church and make me feel lucky to get to be around them every week.

Only a few weeks until I see you, Sara! YAY!

I'm gonna leave you with the words to one of my favorite Christmas songs and one that the kids sang today. Hearing 5 and 6 year old kids sing this sort of made me want to cry. But anyway... Merry Christmas! :)

Welcome to our World

Tears are falling, hearts are breaking
How we need to hear from God
You've been promised, we've been waiting

Welcome Holy Child
Welcome Holy Child

Hope that you don't mind our manger
How I wish we would have known
But long-awaited Holy Stranger
Make Yourself at home
Please make Yourself at home

Bring Your peace into our violence
Bid our hungry souls be filled
Word now breaking Heaven's silence

Welcome to our world
Welcome to our world

Fragile finger sent to heal us
Tender brow prepared for thorn
Tiny heart whose blood will save us
Unto us is born
Unto us is born

So wrap our injured flesh around You
Breathe our air and walk our sod
Rob our sin and make us holy

Perfect Son of God
Perfect Son of God
Welcome to our world

HoHoHo

Mike looks just like you would picture Santa (if you were to picture a post-stroke Santa with difficulty talking and requiring a cane). He told me the other day that someone saw him and said, "Hey, Santa." So Mike tells me, "I just said, 'Hohoho.'"
Bobbie wanted $22 in quarters yesterday.
Tomorrow night, one of the girls from Brown's Corner has a band concert. We shall go and loudly cheer her on.
We had our last practice for the Christmas program this evening. It went well. Caed and Noah are awesome as wisemen.
Chief Moses Puddington Chestertonfieldville is currently weaving between my legs trying to catch my hands as I type.
Anna is playing the piano behind me. She's pretty much awesome.
James had a stroke a week or so ago. I didn't mention anything about it because I only heard it as hearsay through Bobbie. James' daughter verified it for me yesterday. I guess he ended up spending about a week in the hospital and only just got home.
Apparently, Sara had a stroke a couple nights ago. Janet came by and told me. I wasn't sure if I should believer her, but Mary (who is good friends with Sara) came by today and updated me on the situation. As it turns out, Sara may or may not have a stroke. The doctors seem to have differing opinions on the subject. They do appear to believe that she'll be fine though.
George wears an emergency I've-fallen-and-I-can't-get-up button. The unit needs to be replaced annually. A technician came by to replace it yesterday, which meant Daulton and I were treated to the sound of George's personal alarm repeatedly sounding, as the tech demonstrated it to him.
We took Daisy to get professionally bathed today. She no longer stinks.
Anna isn't sick anymore.
Daulton gets the hookup here. Monday, Bobbie brought him pizza and a glass of Coke. I ended up having to eat the pizza for Daulton because he didn't actually want it, and he didn't want Bobbie to feel bad.
I baked a pound cake the other night. I think I enjoy cooking more, but there is something relaxing about the process of baking.
Sara came by to see me Monday (before she had her stroke), and she informed me that she had successfully melted one of her stove burner knobs with a frying pan. Now, I just need to figure out where you buy a single dial for a stove.
People: Invisible People
There are most surely invisible people somewhere. If I can imagine an invisible person, an even greater thing than I can conceive (or something like that) must exist right? I'll be those invisible people read this blog, but because they are invisible, their visits are also invisible and are thus not logged for me to see. Hello invisible people. I'm glad you've found the most awesome corner of the internet.

Illnessocity

Anna's been sick for the past couple days.
We both slept for twelve hours last night. I guess we needed it.
I always get thirsty when I sit down to write these things, but I don't want to get up and lose my flow.
Thursday, I discovered that the furnace for the main part of the building was broken. It didn't too cold in most of the building, but it was absolutely freezing in my office. I called the repairman. He came Thursday, pulled the furnace apart, and informed me that the necessary part wouldn't be in until Monday.
He came back Friday afternoon, to tell me that the part had arrived early.
The heat was back on Friday afternoon.
Anna's father and I tried to go bird hunting this afternoon. Hank got himself whooped when he kept pointing rabbits.
I'm nekkid.
The Broncos are going to lose tomorrow.
There's always a whole bunch of stuff I want to write about, but I start writing and forget it all.
I fed the cats today.
Howie and Chief are both sleeping on the futon behind me.
College wrestling season has returned. This means that the Big Ten Network will now occasionally be showing wrestling. I love this time of year.
I've been trying to do some Christmas shopping for Anna's present. Unfortunately, the things that I know to get her are things on which I should really get her input. I don't want to go buying her the wrong thing.
It seems like every day we get another Christmas card from a resident. It seems like it would save everyone lots of trouble if they all just agreed to not send anybody Christmas cards. Then no one would feel guilty for not sending them, and no one would feel guilted into sending them, and no one would have to act pleased to receive them.
This is not to say that I wouldn't love to receive Christmas cards stuffed with cash from all my faithful readers.
I made chili last night. I made it differently than I typically make chili. This chili had no beans. It also included handfuls of tortilla chips.
For those of you who read this blog and also play Bejeweled Blitz on Facebook, check out my current score and weep. You will never be as awesome as me. Heck, you will never be as awesome as Anna. (It's only a fluke that my score is higher than Anna's, and I'm sure that she'll remedy that quickly).
For those of you who read this blog and have Facebook and don't play Bejeweled Blitz, you should try it and realize how awesome I am. (I am not sure if any of you who read this that aren't already playing Bejeweled Blitz even have Facebook).
For those of you who don't know what Bejeweled Blitz is, be grateful that your life hasn't been sucked into a meaningless vortex of one minute sprints.
I'm using my back massager thing. My back is a little stiff.
This thirst is getting the best of me.
People who read this blog: Person Googling "Kittens in toilets"
I can only assume that this North Carolinian googler is a lady, unless of course it was a guy wanting to see kittens get flushed down toilets, but in that case, he probably should have been more specific. The real question is, "Is our dear North Carolinian reader wanting to see cute kitten videos or wanting to know why her cute kittens are obsessed with her porcelain pooper?" If she is wants to see cute kitten videos, she should just come here so I can punch her in the face for being lame. If she wants to know why her kittens play in the toilet, I can tell her right now that it is because they are retarded. They suffer from what is commonly known as "retarded-kitten-disorder." Other common symptoms include pooping in a litter box and eating food. The only known cure is giving your kittens away on Craigslist to people who aren't concerned that their kittens play in toilets.

I Don't Believe in Airplanes

It's very windy and slightly snowy.
Daulton doesn't believe in airplanes because if God intended us to fly, we would fly.
I don't believe in anything man made because if God intended us to have those things, we would have them.
I also don't believe in anything that has anything to do with man making any effort at all because if God intended us to have whatever it is, it would just fall into our lap without our needing to do anything.
Daulton also has very definite beliefs against infant baptism.
Daulton knows everything.
The exterminator was here today. We walked around and sprayed apartments. Bobbie told us that she wanted us to spray around her refrigerator but not around her door, and we definitely shouldn't spray near her potatoes because she didn't want to get poisoned. We didn't see any potatoes.
Mildred wanted me to check her filter tonight because she thought maybe it was blocking the air blowing out of her heater and not allowing her apartment to get warm. It was blazing in her apartment.
Bobbie says that Mildred has Alzheimer's. This doesn't particularly surprise me, but I find it ironic coming from Bobbie, since I am 98% sure Bobbie has Alzheimer's as well.
Bobbie always refers to Beulah as "that one lady over there."
Brown's Corner has a "birthday party for Jesus" tonight. They had a cake. We even sang "Happy Birthday." The cake was good.
Most of the kids weren't there to practice the program, so Anna just worked with the girls who are doing a song on the bells.
While she was doing this, Cade found a slingshot. I found this disturbing because Cade is roughly six and into rodeos and hunting. Destruction seemed imminent. I swiftly confiscated the slingshot and pondered when I became an old fuddy-duddy.
Oddly enough, I'm wearing clothes that don't allow easy access to my underwear. So, guess...
Chief was not very happy with Daisy earlier and kept hissing at her. In turn, Daisy just turned around and started shoving her rear in Chief's face.
Anna's father went to the doctor today to have a potentially cancerous growth removed from his hand. Anna was disturbed by this, mostly because no one told her that it was even happening.
We have this decorative lamp-post sitting on our patio. It's so windy that it gets blown over as soon as I set it back up.
I guess technically, Daisy got her first experience of snow tonight (a couple days ago doesn't count because I didn't let her go near the few remaining patches that quickly melted away). I don't think there was really enough snow on the ground for her to really react to it. I'll let you know what she does when the snow actually accumulates.
We gave Daisy a bath last night.
Chief takes naps in the middle of our Christmas tree. This has resulted in bent branches and a rather disheveled looking tree.
I'd like to give a shout out to Heather, seeing as it is her birthday tomorrow (hopefully this serves as a reminder to her friends, in case they suck at life).
I need to get Anna her Christmas present. I have ideas. I just need to accomplish them. She already got me one and is working on getting me others. This makes me feel guilty. I also realize I should probably get something for my own family members, as well as Anna's family. Aside from my mother, I have no idea what to get anyone of those people (you'd think my dad would be easy for me, but the thing is that, like me, he likes to select his own hunting gear).
I got a letter from Midwest Toxicology Services, informing me that my name had come up for a random drug test. I don't have to do it because I don't work through the union anymore, but for some reason, it's almost tempting to go pee in a cup and prove that I've never taken illigal substances.
Imagine for yourselves that I am describing someone with an air of sarcastic jocularity. Chuckle to yourselves at my witty jabs. Cry to yourselves over the fate of some unfortunate soul, who is about to succumb to some deadly ailment or another. Go away blessed to have experienced this blog.

First Snow

I took Daisy outside this morning to discover that it had indeed snowed some last night. I have no idea how much we actually got. It was mostly melted by the time I woke up, but apparently, the roads were pretty bad in Indianapolis.
Saturday, Anna's father and I went quail hunting with Hank (the bird dog). Hank chased a few rabbits and never exactly pointed on an actual quail, but each of us managed to bag a quail anyway. It was a good time. We saw four deer. They were taunting me.
Saturday night, Anna and I went to Franklin to see Seabird and The Civil Wars. Sarah was supposed to meet us there, but I guess her boyfriend wanted to play some poker tournament, so they ended up not being able to come. The opening acts were both local bands, that were slightly out of place with Seabird and The Civil Wars. The Holiday was somewhat of a straight up alternative rock type band. They were just alright. News from/for? Verona was kind of a pop-punk alternative emo thing. They were alright for what they were, but that type of music generally annoys me. Anna and I did note that during the Verona band's set, there were a half dozen or so middle aged men and women close to the stage, bobbing their heads to the music. We're fairly confident we witnessed parental support at its finest.
The Civil Wars was astounding. All of Anna's hopes and dreams came true. It took them forever to get set up. The sound guys were having an impossible time getting the piano to play over the main system. It was worth the wait though. When the set started, the guy introduced himself and said that he was from Alabama. Seeing as this was Saturday (the day of the Florida-Alabama game) someone felt it necessary to inform him of the result of the game. This "talking football" became a sad little commentary throughout the rest of the show, as a large number of people in the back just kept talking really loudly, and The Civil Wars would comment on those people still "talking football." They did manage to overcome the adversity though, in order to play a full set, which included a couple really sweet cover songs and some Christmas music.
Seabird was really great as well. The only problem I had with their show was that the sound guys did a poor job balancing the band and at one point, even completely dropped the vocals from the mix.
Sunday, we worked with the kids on the Christmas program, during the morning and evening service.
Between services, I watched the Broncos destroy the Chiefs. This is meaningless because the Chiefs are as bad as any team in the NFL.
The Broncos will in turn get destroyed by the Colts this week.
Howie likes to find a place at the opposite end of the apartment from us and stare at us.
I received an email update from my friend who had self-diagnosed himself with shoulder-hurts-when-I-move-my-neck syndrome. He has indeed succumbed to the disease and has past on from this earth. He is however managing to continue to attend his law school classes in his undead state. He even plans to come and haunt us sometime this coming spring. This is pretty awesome.
I'm thirsty.
Dark blue boxer briefs with light blue horizontal stripes.
My beard is slightly itchy.
People who don't read this blog: the members of Brown's Corner
If they read this blog they would discover how weird we are and probably not let us near their children. This would be sad. Most of the kids at that church are pretty decent, if not downright hilarious.

Ring Pop

I had my first Ring Pop today.
Daulton and I put up a Christmas Tree in the Community Room Monday. It's a really nice looking artificial tree. I'm not sure how Karen convinced our management company to spend so much money on a tree.
One of the closets here was piled with all sorts of decorations, so I had Daulton sort through them and pull out any Christmas stuff he found. While he was doing this, Katie and George came and started taking whatever they wanted. Daulton tried to tell them that it wasn't being given away, but Katie is of course deaf, and I'm pretty positive George feigns deafness a great deal. Daulton came and got me, and by the time I got there, George had left, though Katie was still digging through the stuff. I tried to explain to her that it belonged to the apartment complex, but I got tired of yelling, so I just amused myself by watching her make off with St. Patrick's Day table cloths. Daulton was especially peeved that Katie and George found it necessary to make such a mess when they went through those decorations. There were bits and pieces of things everywhere. Apparently, if Katie decided she didn't want something, she would just throw it on the floor.
We've gotten several Christmas cards from residents. I refuse to hand out any until the week before Christmas. This is just way too early.
We had Christmas program practice tonight. The kids are doing a couple of songs with bells. One song is being done as a whole group, using color coded cards. The other song is being done by four girls who are actually reading the music. One of those girls has been on vacation, so I have been pretending to be Ellen and playing the bells. I'm learning that I can't count. Anna and I are both learning that it probably won't go as smoothly as we would like. Two of the girls do a really nice job, but one girl really struggles with her part.
The big group did a really nice job with their bell song, though my ears are still ringing. One boy thought it would be great to smack his bells together.
The repairman came to work on the dryer today. It turns out that the part that is broken is the most expensive part on the machine and the only one that he didn't have with him already. Hopefully the part gets here soon so we can have two running dryers again.
I think I inadvertantly blew a breaker in Mildred's apartment on Monday. I didn't realize this until she called me later that night to tell me half of her apartment didn't have power. It turns out she was exaggerating. It was only her tv and police radio that didn't have power. I flipped the breaker and all was restored.
But five minutes later, there came a knock on my door. Mildred said her phones weren't working. I looked at them. She was wrong. I'm not sure why she thought they weren't.
Five minutes after that, there was another knock on my door. Mildred had locked herself out of her apartment. I let her back in and then went and hid in my bed and plugged my ears.
Chief has been doing his best to destroy our Christmas tree.
People who don't read this blog: Anna's dad
Anna's dad was proud when he learned how to turn off a computer. Now his job is requiring that he use a computer to email estimates and communicate with job coordinators. If it weren't for his job requiring it, he would likely never have learned how to use a computer beyond shutting one down. Anna had to give him lessons on sending emails. She even assigned him homework. I can't imagine he'll ever get adventurous enough to start surfing the 'net on his own.

Anna.

I just finished the script for the children's Christmas play. It's kind of tricky because I don't know if a couple girls will be there or not, so I may or may not have inserted a few disposable angels. Who knew angels were disposable? I have to keep reminding myself that no matter what happens, people will think this thing is cute just because there are little kids in it. I can't help but want everything to be perfect even though I know it won't be. I like that my mom and dad are going to be Mary and Joseph. They don't want to at all, but... I don't know. It's funny. Maybe just to me, but whatever.

I did get the opportunity to put my mad theory skills to work. We got these color coded handbells for the kids to play, and I have these chord cards that are color coded, too. So if I hold up a card that is red, green, and blue (or whatever), the kids end up playing a C major card. It's cool. But I had to figure out the chords to Silent Night. I did manage to find a really cool recording of it (thanks iTunes!), but it was cool because it had funky chords. Which I had to decode. Which I did. Yay. So then Hehoff and I had to practice our choreographed card dance. OK, so we're really not dancing. But it kind of feels like it sometimes.

I spent all day with my momma. It was fun. We shopped. And bonded. And then we watched Christmas cartoons. I'm a fan.

Saturday, my sister, Hoffer, and I are going to go to Franklin to see The Civil Wars and Seabird. I'm really excited. The Civil Wars are now one of my favorite bands... Right up there with The Swell Season. They're very similar, actually.

What else? Not much else. Goodnight.

Greenery

Evil Grandmother made Thanksgiving long and awkward, but for the most part, she did nothing particularly painful.
We picked up Jennifer from the airport on Thursday without any problems.
Jennifer is now convinced she is getting married to a guy named Bobby. They are talking about getting married on the beach in Hawaii. I think Jennifer is more in love with the idea of getting married on the beach in Hawaii than she is in love with Bobby.
Sarah made a delicious pumpkin roll for Thanksgiving.
Anna's mother made pretty much the rest of the meal. She did an excellent job. The turkey was very good.
Evil Grandmother brought her ever present noodles. Anna's family seems to like them. I can't tell if they are pretending or not. I, personally, think they are really gross.
We got our Christmas Tree on Friday. It's all set up and decorated. It actually looks very pretty. It's the first full-sized tree of our married life.
When we put it up, Howie and Chief essentially said, "THANKS GUYS FOR THIS AWESOME TOY!!!" (Yes, that was a prime example of bangorrhea, but it's also the most accurate way to describe the cats' reactions). Yesterday, we woke up to fine roughly a dozen of the ornaments strewn across the living room floor. Chief has been sitting on some of the branches and has permanently misshapen the tree.
Yesterday (let me remind you that it was Saturday) got on my nerves quickly. Or to be more precise, the residents got on my nerves quickly. Within five minutes of my waking up, Bobbie had knocked on the door to tell me she had locked herself out. I went and let her in to her apartment. Not long after that, George knocked on the door asking for change to do his laundry. I told him I wouldn't give out change outside of office hours. I think he hates me now. Not long after that, Beulah came by complaining that her furnace was squeaking. I went to look at it to make sure it wasn't anything major. It turns out all Beulah really wanted was a furnace filter. I should have told her I'd give her one on Monday, but I just wanted to be done with it. Not five minutes later, Beulah came back to tell me that Alice needed a filter as well. I gave her one, just to be done with it.
After that, I think I just went back to bed.
Sexy Euro-style.
This morning was the "Hanging of the Greens" service at Brown's Corner. Anna was manipulated into playing the piano. She ended up playing something like eight Christmas Carols, plus the prelude and offertory. She dominated. The service itself was interesting. Essentially, it just got the whole congregation involved in the decorating of the church for Christmas. Anna and I got to place some evergreen boughs in one of the windows and a weird ornament on the tree.
When we got back to the apartment from the service, we found a note under our door. Last night, somebody stole Jame's truck out of the parking lot. The police have been contacted, but man, that makes me really nervous to know that happened here. Our car was out there last night too, which makes me wonder what it was about Jame's truck that made it a target because ours is (sadly) by far the nicest car out there.
I don't really feel like typing much more.
Today is my sister's birthday. Yesterday was my Dad's birthday.
People who don't read this blog: My dad.
My dad uses the internet for two purposes: either he is using it at work to email his colleagues or he is using it at home to visit bowhunting websites and study maps of hunting areas. He may or may not even know what a blog is. If he did know, he wouldn't care, unless of course it had to do with hunting.

Ungrateful Little Wretches

My faithful readers can now be thankful. I am now posting an entry.
I have to go pick up our friend Jennifer at the airport tomorrow. Fun. The airport is new. Google and MSN maps having me going to the old airport. The airport website directs me somewhere else. I find this disconcerting.
Now that it's the day before Thanksgiving, things start to break. Yesterday, I was informed that one of the dryers was broken. Due to the holiday, the repairman cannot be here until Monday.
I had to have the electrician out to replace a light switch in Phyllis' bedroom.
In the midst of Bobbie's confused gibberish, I ascertained that someone overloaded one of the washers with detergent and thus flooded the laundry room with bubbles. I didn't see this. Bobbie cleaned it up. I feel bad about these things. That's the sort of thing for which I am responsible, but I never hear about it until after Bobbie has cleaned it up.
We gave Daisy a bath today because we couldn't stand to smell her anymore.
Anna's evil grandmother declared that she would show up for Thanksgiving at 11, even though she knows very well that we're not planning to eat until 3:30. This means that everyone who possibly can is avoiding the house until the very last minute. Then we will all rush in, eat, and then hide.
I have a mildly bad taste in my mouth.
Our car door is fixed. It's glorious.
I had the repair shop check the "check engine" light while they were at it. Apparently, our catalytic converter is not as efficient as it could be. This is of no significance to me because the car doesn't have to pass any sort of emissions tests. I feel much better now.
Velma and her family are using the Community Room for their Thanksgiving tomorrow. I got a call from one of Velma's daughters today about the parking situation. This call confirmed two things that I already suspected: 1) she is the one who called this summer and yelled at me for fifteen minutes about Alice and Pat having their kids around 2) everyone hates the current Majors at the Salvation Army. Velma's daughter wanted to know if it would be alright for the family to use the parking spaces so forcefully claimed by the Majors. I told her that they seemed to get pretty testy about their parking. She seemed to know this all too well. I learned that even when Velma needed a wheelchair to get around, the Majors got upset at them for parking there (Velma's apartment is the one closest to the Salvation Army). Velma's daughter quickly turned the parking question into a rant about Pat and Alice and their kids. She attributed several things to me that I didn't actually say, and she continued to not comprehend how nothing can effectively be done about the situation. Fortunately, this time I only got yelled at for five minutes.
Daulton and I did make sure that the Community Room was spiffed up nicely for tomorrow.
Anna is making muffins. She's all domestic and stuff.
I was looking forward to fixing a bunch of stuff for Thanksgiving but then Jennifer had to up and schedule a flight that landed right in the middle of prime Thanksgiving-meal-prep-time. I guess I'll just have to go all out at Christmas.
People who read this blog: Person googling "why does my legs sting"
This here visitor hails from Meridian, Mississippi. This little tidbit makes the painfulness of the query extra delicious. Congratulations person from Meridian, Mississippi, you have confirmed everything I ever suspected about people from Mississippi. Well, to be fair, that isn't completely true. I didn't realize that you Mississippians knew about this here internet thinger. Congratulations on forming a coherent enough mass of words to achieve search results that may have had something to do with your problem. Out of curiosity, I looked up the particular entry this person stumbled upon, and in doing so, I discovered the obvious diagnosis for his or her problem. Kittens. This person has one or more kittens with the claws very much intact. There is no other reasonable explanation for stinging legs.

The Most Disgusting Thing Ever

Our Exploder is in the shop at the moment. The first priority is the driver side door. They should also tell me why the "check engine" light is lit. The door should be fixed tomorrow. I will no longer have to open the door from the inside to get behind the wheel.
Daulton looked upset again when he walked into the office. Last week he was upset because his mother and step-father are divorcing. This week he was upset because someone broke into his house and stole his bike and Daulton's father's machete, among other things. The fact that Daulton listed a bike and a machete but nothing especially valuable makes me think it was probably a kid who did the thieving.
Velma's daughter came by to tell me that her mother's screen door wasn't staying closed properly. When I looked at it, I discovered that whoever installed the thing had installed the latching mechanism on the bottom of the door too close to the ground. The bottom of the door couldn't swing all the way shut and therefore couldn't latch correctly. I didn't have a drill I trusted to put new holes in the metal door for the latch, so I just used a pocket knife to shorten up the ends of the latch (it's a plastic thinger) so that the door could close all the way. It worked.
I've delayed it as long as I can. Are you ready for the most disgusting thing ever? Skip this next paragraph if you would like to keep your mind clean, and remember that I don't make this stuff up.
Beulah came to the office to tell me that George and Katie have been making a great deal of noise in Katie's apartment. Apparently, they make enough of this noise to keep Della awake at night and have even woken up Beulah, who has three walls and two rooms between her and Katie. Beulah said that Katie would have the television blasting at three in the morning sometimes. I can imagine she would, considering she is deaf and can't read so subtitles would do her no good. Beulah then informed me that George and Katie also quarrel very loudly, which would be about the most painful thing ever considering Katie's deafness, Katie's dying man's voice, and George's stroke paralyzed tongue. But then I heard the worst thing ever in my life. Beulah informed me that George goes over to Katie's for "the oral sex." I do actually think I kept a straight face when she told me that, if only because it took me a second to actually process the information. Beulah assured me that she was sorry to have to tell me that, but "that's what they're doing." She even felt it necessary to tell me that George "does that top stuff too." How she knows all this, I don't know. I don't want to know. I just wanted to vomit. You, my faithful readers, have the fortune of never having to have seen these two people, and thus, you don't have the vivid image of George's drooling mouth or Katie's melting eyeballs seared into your brains. I want to puke.
The Dell technician came by this afternoon and replaced the plastic casing around Anna's laptop screen (which included the hinges) as well as the rubber feet on the base. Anna is delighted that she can precisely set the angle at which she wants her screen.
After I drove the car over to the shop this morning, I had to walk back to the apartment. That wasn't so bad. It was maybe a mile or a mile and a half walk, but I rolled my ankle while I was walking, which made it very painful for awhile.
Speaking of very painful. I backed my butt into the corner of the dresser earlier, and it hurt so bad. I don't even know why it hurt that much, but it did. Anna kissed it for me and made it all better.
I was going to go hunting this morning, but I failed to turn on my alarm.
Blue.
I said from the beginning that McDaniels should be fired. Does anyone believe me yet? The Donkeys don't finish better than 9-7. They definitely don't make the playoffs.
My back is pretty tight at the moment. Anyone want to give me a nice massage?
People who don't read this blog: My brother
Christopher was given the address for this blog once. I don't think he ever looked at it. I will chalk that up to his indifferent nature. Christopher doesn't care much about anything. It's pretty much impossible to talk to him, even if you are his family, and it's not even because we don't get along or anything like that. We get along fine. He just never has anything to say. If you get more than a one word answer out of him, you have achieved something special. Mostly, you'll just get a grunt. If you all think I'm a talkative and enthusiastic soul, you should me my brother. He puts me to shame. The youth pastor's wife at home called us Sunshine and Happy. We're quite the pair.

Cookies

Anna's poor dear mother is really sick today. Let's hope she feels better soon.
One of the in-laws' neighbors found out Anna's mother was sick and made dinner for the family. She sent over meatloaf, mashed potatoes, green beans, biscuits, and cake. There are some mighty decent people in this part of the world (even if they do occasionally shoot their grandchildren's animals).
One of the ladies at Brown's Corner invited all the kids to make cookies today. Anna and I tagged along because we still feel like little kids. We made little turkey cookies out of Oreo cookies, mini Reese's, and candy corn. We broke about a million Oreos in the process.
Anna is feeling kind of funny right now. Hopefully she's not getting sick.
I don't really have anything to say.
Light blue.
I did receive an email from a faithful reader, yesterday. He wanted to inform me that he seemed to be in the beginning stages of shoulder-hurts-when-I-move-my-neck disorder. Naturally, I found this news devastating. I could offer him only the smallest amount of comfort, but I assured him that at least now he could plan his own funeral. He could even sound out fancy decorated invitations, as though it were a wedding.
People who don't read this blog: My sister
My sister doesn't read this blog. I wouldn't care if she did. I even sent her the link once, but I'm not sure she actually knows what the internet is. This is what my sister knows: a. shoes b. her boyfriend. I'm not sure my sister knows anything else. This girl once gave me the ipod that came free with her Mac because she had no use for it. The only music she listens to are these awful mixes compiled by her diminutive boyfriend. She has a facebook account, but I'd be surprised if she checks it more than a few times a year. This is also the girl who could have chosen to take a car to college, but she didn't because she would rather walk the two miles to school in her high heels than take the time to scrape the windows in the morning. Yes, this is also the girl who wears high heels every day of her life. Actually, I give her heels too much credit by calling them "high heels." They are more accurately termed "stripper heels." I love my sister. She's very smart. But I'm fairly convinced that she doesn't think.

Removal of Organs

We took Daisy to the vet yesterday to get her girl parts removed. We picked her up today. She looks funny with her belly shaved.
Bobbie brought me six dollars in dimes and two dollars in pennies that she wanted to exchange for quarters.
I got an email today from the companies accountant to tell me (and all the other property managers) that our company credit cards were working again. I didn't know they were ever not working. Now, I am just really grateful that I hardly ever have to go buy stuff. That would be terrible to have your company card rejected.
Alice came by the office wanting me to do a favor for her son. She wanted me to send his resume in reply to a posting in the want-ads. I would have done so except the company supplied an email address not a fax number. I explained that a) I don't have internet in the office, and b) all she had was a physical copy of his resume. What I learned after explaining this was that Alice had no idea what an email address looked like. She thought it was a coded fax number or something. Sometimes I forget there are people who have never been on the internet.
I sat this morning. I didn't see anything.
I did see a grouse while I was driving back.
My dad saw a bobcat catch a squirrel while he was deer hunting. That's about the coolest thing ever.
I saw a squirrel fall out of a tree the other day. That was kind of cool.
I need to hurry up and shoot a deer so that I can start going bird hunting with Anna's father.
Anna's mother has been really dizzy lately. Yesterday, it landed her in the ER. Now she has pills that make her really sleepy. Hopefully they rectify the situation.
Anna's been playing with her fancy new phone all day. It does do some pretty nifty stuff. It's even got an application that maps the stars and moves the map according to what direction you are pointing the phone. Thus, what you see on the screen should always match what you see in the sky. It's also got a bar code reader that instantly brings up reviews and competitor's prices.
Yesterday, Bobbie gave Daulton a whole pile of Little Debbie cupcakes. Apparently, Daulton's dog ate them all last night.
The Taco Bell at exit 68 off of I-65 has yet to correctly fill an order.
I'm out of tea. Thankfully, I already need to go to Wally World for other stuff this evening.
Sky blue boxer briefs.
People who read this blog: Person google blogsearching "first trumpet lesson"
This person surely visited our blog with the hopes of gaining some insight into how to learn trumpet from the beginning. They left with insight into everything but that. This is surely a young Floridian (yes, another visitor from Florida) mother, who wants to live vicariously through her children. Little miss Florida here was never the titular leader in the big band movement. She never had a solo with the New York Symphony. She probably never even got past middle school band because her parents wouldn't give her trumpet lessons. She has lived her life of sad failure just so she could produce a child who could go where she couldn't. If little Johnnie or Susie fails to attend Juilliard, our dear Floridian friend will go on a murderous rampage, shoving straight mutes and mouthpieces lubricated by valve oil down throats of mediocre band directors everywhere.

Martha Stewart

I'm rediscovering Zao's "The Fear is What Keeps Us Here." It's a fine effort.
Monday morning I had a very small deer come in behind me at around 8:30. Having decided that I wouldn't shoot it, I just watched it. Said deer must have been sleepy because it took a nice lie down twenty yards straight behind me tree. "Aww, that's cool," I thought. Said deer stayed there until 10:15. I normally get down at 10, so I can get to the office. I didn't want to make the deer fully aware of my presence, but I needed to get down. I was on the verge of whistling at it when it finally elected to continue on its way. In doing so, I was offered an easy shot. I just kept thinking how much I wished that deer was a couple years older.
If you were paying attention you would have realized that I referred to that deer as an "it." Well, that's honestly all I can say for sure. From a distance I would say it was a doe, but it's head looked a little funny, like it should have had antlers but didn't.
While the deer was bedded behind me, a coyote came in from the opposite direction. The deer saw the coyote, but I don't think the coyote ever saw the deer. I could have smoked the coyote at about twenty yards before it winded me.
Daulton started crying pretty much the instant he walked into the building yesterday. At first, he wouldn't tell me what was wrong, but I learned pretty quickly that his mother and step-father are divorcing. He was understandably upset. I guess they have been together about ten years. It was interesting to get his take on the matter though. He said that his step-father had been cheating on his mother, but he didn't want them to get a divorce because it would hurt his mother.
Today Daulton didn't show up until a half-hour before I close the office. He told me that he got in trouble. As he tells it, his teacher accused him of not doing his work, but Daulton insists he did. They had an exchange about it, and Daulton muttered under his breath, "this is f*****g gay." The teacher heard this and asked if Daulton had dropped the f-bomb. Daulton admitted he had, and the teacher had him copy out of the dictionary for the next two hours. As I said, this is according to Daulton. Who knows what the whole truth of the matter is?
Anna's getting a fancy new smartphone. My mother got us a membership to Sam's Club. These two things sound unrelated, but give me a chance to connect them. Anna saw online that she could get a good price on her desired smartphone at Sam's Club. We had yet to go to Sam's Club and actually register our membership, so yesterday we did that. Sadly, upon completing our registration we went over to the cellphone counter and discovered that they didn't carry the particular phone Anna wanted.
Most of last night was spent with Anna and her mother calling Verizon Wireless to figure out what they needed to do to get Anna this phone.
While they got Anna her phone, I fixed some steak. I made a smokey mess, though I must say that the steak was very tasty. It was a smokey mess mostly because I had to use vegetable oil and not something with a higher smoke point.
I replaced a bulb over Mildred's stove yesterday.
Bobbie wanted $20 in quarters today.
Mary told me she likes my haircut.
A meth head delivered phone books today.
I tried to go sit on stand this morning, and I did actually succeed in getting on stand. Unfortunately, it started raining not long after I had been on stand. After an hour and a half of a steady rain, I could feel the water start to soak into my boxers and new it was time to get down.
We're taking Daisy to get sliced and diced tomorrow.
One of the screen hinges on Anna's laptop broke last night. Now the screen can't be closed. I called Dell. They said a technician would call us Thursday to schedule a repair.
The driver side door on our car finally quit completely. As many of you are aware, the lock on that door hardly ever works. The only way to open the door was to pull the handle from the inside. Well, the inside latch is now broken as well. I have to climb over the passenger side seat to get behind the wheel. I guess that means that the first thing we do, after we are done dealing with Daisy, is schedule an appointment for the door to get fixed. I'm just not sure how they can work on a door that can't be opened in the first place.
I made some sweet tea tonight. The recipe includes baking soda "to fight the bitterness." I don't know anything about that. I can't say that I'm a sweet tea aficionado or anything.
There's always much more that happens during the day, but when I sit down to write this, I always forget. I guess I'll just let you guys imagine what I might have done:
I ________ to the ________. But because ________, I couldn't ________. Instead, I went ahead and ________. _________ wanted ______ to _________ so _________ and ________ _________ed. Thankfully, ________ felt like ________ and was _________ enough to ___________.
Red (I had been wearing gray boxers, but as I mentioned, they got soaked while I was hunting)
I did some laundry.
I'm thirsty.
People who read this blog: Person who Google blogsearched "dressed up as Martha Stewart"
This query directed this person to my Reformation Day post. I'm fairly certain this woman (For what man would have googled this particular phrase? Well, now that I think about that, I'm just creeped out. Let's just assume it was a woman.) was attracted to our blog because I mention baking a pound cake and fixing chili. I happen to know this visitor was from Florida, so she is most certainly a 78 year old retiree wanting to spend her golden years baking delicious goodies for her spoiled grand-children. To her I have this to say, a pound cake recipe is simple. It's a pound of butter, a pound of flour, a pound of sugar, and a pound of eggs. The secret is in the technique. Ok, I'm going to be honest. I have no idea why anyone would search for stuff about dressing up as Martha Stewart. The more I think about it the more it creeps me out, regardless of whether or not this person is a 78 year old grandmother.

Vindication

I said from the beginning that McDaniels was a terrible choice. I don't see the Donkeys finishing better than 9-7. Unfortunately, I don't think that will be bad enough to get McDaniels fired this year.
I was sure I would get a deer yesterday morning. How many times do you have five different deer within thirty yards of your stand and not get a single shot?
Yesterday, the neighbor across the road shot perhaps the biggest deer I have ever seen. It's a little bit of a kick in the stomach to know that deer was so close to where I have been hunting, and now it's no longer around for me to shoot.
Anna and I wrote a Christmas program last night. It's an interesting thing trying to figure out a whole kid's program for a church of forty people. The biggest problem will be figuring out which kids will actually be around for the program.
Yesterday was the start of gun season. I could hear lots of shots while I was on stand. I was actually pretty surprised at how many deer I saw, considering.
My dad added two more deer to the freezer. This season he has harvested an elk and three deer. The smallest of the three would have been his biggest deer almost any other year. Yeah, his season has been that ridiculous.
He could still buy another tag in Nebraska and shoot yet another buck. I'm not jealous at all.
If I shoot a doe first, I am going to buy another tag and go for a buck.
I don't have anything to say about the apartments. Weekends are boring that way.
People who don't read this blog: My mother
My mother doesn't read this blog. If she did, she would say things like, "You're just bizarre." I don't want her to read this blog. It would crush all her hopes and dreams for me. It's not that I think I've said anything that would be particularly hurtful to her. Mostly, I think she'd just be disappointed that I turned out so "bizarre"ly. I guess this is what happens when two engineers procreate.

Clippity Clippity

I didn't see anything this morning. I guessed from the beginning that I wouldn't, after yesterday's debacle. I was further assured of this fact when someone across the road started shooting. I'm not sure what they were targeting. They may have been sighting in for all I know.
I have nothing to report from my time in the office. However, when I left the office I happened to see Katie and Bobbie pass each other in the hallway, and I heard Bobbie saying, "You people got no respect, slammin' doors all the time. I'm not going to put up with it." I doubt Katie heard her.
Bobbie has been muttering about slamming doors a great deal the past couple days. I'm not sure who is doing this slamming. I haven't noticed it.
I went to Wal-Mart. I had a close call as I was walking out to the car. I noticed Evil Grandmother's car by the Salvation Army (it being Thursday and thus the weekly meal), and I had a huge jolt of fear when I looked at the Salvation Army itself and saw her little spiteful back disappearing inside.
Some of you might ask why I am so afraid of Anna's evil grandmother. Well, I'm not, but I have a hard time lying. It doesn't matter about what. It makes me uncomfortable. Therefore, I do not want to ever see anyone to whom I would have to lie. Evil Grandmother is a prime example of someone to whom I would have to lie. I would have to make up all sorts of stuff about how we are busy all the time and that we are sorry for not coming to see her and that we miss her and that we would love to come see her soon and that the sight of her evil little face doesn't make us want to punch a starving child.
You may also think that I am overly harsh to a poor old lady. Just listen to her talk for awhile, and I assure you that you will understand. She can't hurt me, but she sure has hurt every single female member of her family. Her boys don't even like her (though I can't imagine they'd admit it).
Stan was my cashier at Wal-Mart. Stan had a creepy mustache. Stan also had his name tag, proudly emblazoned with his name, clipped to a relatively large gold cross pendant. The pendant itself was incongruous with the rest of Stan. Stan is not the sort of man to wear bling. Somehow, I don't think he quite comprehends that his pendant was designed more for ghetto couture than religious imagery. And the poor fellow had his Wal-Mart name tag clipped to the thing. For really.
Daulton laughed at my haircut and said that I didn't look like myself. James' daughter said that I looked like a baby.
Invisible boxers.
I picked up some decent looking steaks (a couple New York strips and a couple rib-eyes, well marbled). I'll cook a couple tomorrow and maybe a couple more Saturday.
My left shin itches.
The space between my right big toe and right whatever toe is next to the big toe itches.
I don't believe I mentioned this little story before, and I should have. A couple weeks ago, Janet had a friend crashing at her place. Janet's sister-in-law, Marilyn, didn't think this was a good arrangement. Marilyn called me while I was in the office and told me she didn't want Janet's friend there leeching off of her. Not only did she want me to tell her that Janet's friend wasn't allowed to keep staying there, but she actually said, "Call me back and tell me to tell Janet that you heard about her friend and that she's not allowed to stay there anymore." I guess it was her way to feel better about lying to Janet. Whatever. I called her back and informed her that Janet could not have someone stay over for more than a week. Marilyn interrupted me and said, "You'd better say two days because that's how long she's been there."
People who don't read this blog: Howie and Chief
Howie and Chief are cats and are thus incapable of using a computer. If they were capable of such things and were to stumble upon this blog, they would be horrified to see how I talk about them. They would most certainly hunt me down and kill me in my sleep. I'd wake up with a cat on my chest and another one holding a pillow over my face. I'm glad they are cats and cannot use the computer.

Aye Yai Yai

Let's start with yesterday. I'll let the anticipation build. Except you don't even know I'm building towards anything. I fail as a writer.
I sat in stand yesterday morning. I didn't see anything.
I came back and went to the office. The electrician came by and replaced the ballast in Katie's kitchen first, and then he replaced the one in Judy's. I felt bad for him while he was working in Katie's apartment. Not only was it smokey (as per usual), but it was unbelievably hot. George happened to be over there as well, and he and Katie just stared at the electrician while he did his thing. The guy tried to make conversation, but all you can ever get out of Katie is "huh?"
Judy couldn't comprehend that the problem in her light was with the ballast and not the bulbs. She kept asking me which bulb was burned out.
Anna went riding with her mother while I was in the office. She is getting to be real pals with Ishy. My wife's a cowgirl.
I'm sure I wore underwear yesterday, but I couldn't tell you what color it was.
Daulton walked into the building looking absolutely miserable yesterday morning. He had a bad headache. I didn't make him do anything.
I don't really have much else to say about yesterday.
Now for the main event.
What you've all been waiting for.
(Disregard my ridiculously inelegant syntax)
These are the mornings that make me pull my hair out of my head. These are also the mornings that will haunt me for the rest of my life (unless of course I do get a deer this year).
I got up again and sat on stand. For the third morning out of the four that I've hunted, I heard a "crunch, crunch, crunch" at about 8:35. I caught enough of a glimpse to know that it was indeed a deer. I had to turned and pick up my bow, and by the time I had it, the deer was already halfway past me. It was a buck. It was a really big buck. It followed the same path the buck from Monday morning followed, and I didn't have a shot. I tried to grunt to him, but he just cruised on by. He wouldn't stop for anything.
I sat for the next hour and a half without seeing anything, and I knew I had to get back to the office. I looked around to make sure nothing was coming, and I started to get out of the stand. Halfway down the tree CRASH CRASH CRASH. I turn and see a doe wheeling and bolting from not ten yards in front of me. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe that I hadn't seen her before I got down. I couldn't believe that if it had been a Saturday morning, I would have had a chance because I wouldn't need to go to the office.
I finally made it down, grabbed my bow, and started heading back to the house. CRASH CRASH CRASH. I hadn't gone twenty yards. I whirled around to see another really big buck running right out from under my tree. I about fell over. I nearly went insane on the spot. Not only would I have had a chance to shoot this deer if I had stayed on stand another five minutes, but I would have had a chance to shoot this deer if I had just stopped at the bottom of my tree and looked around.
I told Anna, when I got back, that I'm no good at this hunting thing. I quit.
The exterminator came today. He sprayed in most all of the apartments. I don't like entering apartments when I'm not sure if anyone is home or not. While we were in Pat's apartment, she started talking to me about Daulton. She wanted to know how old he was. She thought he had told her he was thirteen, and she wanted to remark on how young he looked for thirteen. When I told her he was fifteen, she gave me an absolute look of disbelief and asked if there was anything medically wrong with him. I didn't exactly want to talk about the possible side effects of his medication, so I said that he just hasn't hit manhood yet.
When I knocked on Janet's door, I was treated to an assault of yappy dog barks. After she had let the exterminator inside, she started asking me if it was alright if she had the dog, saying that she was going to come see me today and telling me all about how the dog's previous owner was now in a nursing home. She assured me that she had only had it one night and was willing to pay the deposit. Here's the thing though. She's had the dog there for at least two weeks. Her sister-in-law even told me about it. I didn't say anything. I just thought it was amusing that she was trying to lie about it.
After the bug man left, I put Daulton to work cleaning up the entry way. The main door especially needed attention. I had him use a magic eraser on it. It worked pretty well where he could actually reach. I noticed later though that he hadn't gotten the top of the door. I'll have to get it myself.
Bobbie came out to see Daulton while he was working on a puzzle. She didn't come in to say anything to me, but I could hear their conversation and figured out what was happening. She really admired one of the puzzles Daulton had completed (it happened to be a hideous Thomas Kinkade thing), and she wanted to frame it. She actually brought a frame and had Daulton help her put the puzzle in it. I found it particularly amusing that it wasn't until after they had it all framed, that she had Daulton ask if it was okay for her to have it.
Mike stopped by to pay his rent. He's grown out his beard. He'd make a good Santa.
I got a couple hairs cut after I finished in the office. It's short now. I'm still kind of itchy, seeing as I have yet to take my shower.
I dyed Anna's hair today. It was a little scary when I was applying it, only to see her scalp starting to turn purple. We were a little worried at what the color would actually be, but it looks really nice. It's not as red as we were expecting. It's just a pretty rich auburn. She's hot, let me tell you what.
People who read this blog: Random person from Middleburg, Florida.
Random person from Middleburg lives in a funnily named place. They are probably funny themselves. I'm guessing that they work in the food service industry and enjoy sculpting interesting shapes out of the food. Something tells me this person is from one of those especially charismatic churches that slays people in the Spirit. And yet, I also get the sense that this person is very in touch with his feminine side. This does seem to be a mysterious entity.

ishy

Anna.

So mom and dad got a new horse. His name was Tank, but that would mean they'd have Hank The Dog and Hank The Horse and Tank. Hank, Hank, and Tank? I thought they should change the names of the other animals, too. Molly- Shank, Casey- Flank, Bubby- Stank, Patsy- Rank, Lucy- Frank, and Erik should stay Erik. Shank, Flank, Stank, Rank, Frank, Hank, Hank, Tank, and Erik. :)

Ok, that was weird. But really, Ishmoe (the new horse) is kind of amazing and I like him a lot and I like to imagine he's my horsie. He's nice and it's fun and I don't feel like I wasted my money buying my cool boots. Mom and I went on a ride today and it was lots of fun. I talk to him when I ride him and I say, "You're my friend, Ishy, and we will go on adventures together." His ears flick.

That's the end of the monthly Anna update.

I Told You

I said this weeks ago. The Donkeys cannot win against good teams with that offense. They have no offense. It doesn't matter how good their defense is. You can't keep a good team off the scoreboard. Both this game and last game are on the offense. Neither game is the defenses fault. 30-7 sounds bad, but what can a defense do when all the offense wants to do is go three and out? 28-10 sounds bad, but two of those touchdowns were junk end of the game touchdowns. Let's just pretend the Broncos can score one silly little touchdown in the second half. It's a completely different game. I said this from the beginning. Josh McDaniels is almost as evil as Obama. Fire him now. This is a failure. The Chargers are only a game back. This season is going to end up exactly like last year.
I didn't mention this the other day, but it's worth mentioning. When Janet's sister-in-law (Marilyn) was in last week to pay Janet's rent, it quite literally took her fifteen minutes to write the check. Why? Because she wouldn't stop talking.
Katie came by this morning to tell me her kitchen lights were out. I checked them. It's going to require the electrician. I called the electrician. He'll be here tomorrow.
Judy came by later to say that her kitchen lights were out. I told her the electrician would be here tomorrow.
I got up early and did some hunting this morning. I saw a couple again. I didn't have a shot this time. There just wasn't an open shooting lane in that direction.
I'll go again in the morning.
I replaced the light over Mike's stove. I also got him to sign his lease and other miscellaneous things. I felt really bad because he has had a couple strokes that make it difficult for him to write. It was a painful experience watching him sign the six signatures I needed.
Anna went over to her parent's house while I was still in the office. She went to hang out with her mother and aunt. They made cards. According to Anna, they made Christmas cards with sparkly snowmen.
Speaking of Christmas, certain people are starting to ask me what I want for Christmas. First of all, I don't want anything for Christmas. Secondly, it's not even Thanksgiving. I can't even pretend to think about Christmas yet.
Holidays always depress me. I don't know why, but they really do.
It really annoys me, the new little "suggestions" facebook places in the top right of the page. Not only is it suggesting people I've never ever heard of as potential "friends," but it is asking me to "help make facebook better" for people by writing on their walls. Here's the deal. Maybe I haven't written on their walls in awhile because I hate them all? Maybe I am "friends" with them, just so that I can stalk them and laugh at their puny lives?
Sorry, the Donkeys' offense is making me bitter this evening.
Anna took Daisy with her today. I guess she played with Hank for hours. She and Hank are pals. Daisy isn't really allowed inside there anymore though because she gets too involved playing with Hank and poops on the floor.
Lucy hates it when Daisy comes over because she doesn't get any attention.
Camouflage Taz.
I need to shower.
I need to go to bed soon if I'm going to get up early and go hunting again.
I'm going to keep doing this until I get a deer. Heck, if I get a deer soon enough, I might buy another tag and go for another deer.
I'd like to get a hair cut, but I haven't decided which hair.
Anna's parents said they saw some deer walking near my stand Sunday morning. That makes three straight mornings with deer near my stand. I'd say I have a good chance of getting another shot.
It's weird to hunt within sight of your in-laws' house. It's especially strange to watch the Culligan man do his water softener thing, having no idea I'm up in a tree watching him.
I've eaten so much salsa in the last few days. I think I might start speaking Mexican.
People who read this blog: Random visitor from Norway
This person is most certainly not real. No one actually lives in Norway. It's just ice and snow. Wait, it's not? Shoot. Well, then this person is real and is simply fantasizing about living in a warmer climate.

Missed

I might be getting a cold.
I was pretty busy yesterday in the office. The company is doing an audit of the files at all of it's Salvation Army properties. They requested certain information from five of the tenant files. The problem is that half of that information wasn't in the files. I spent most of the day seeking out tenants and getting them to sign forms that should have been signed five years ago. The most interesting thing I discovered is that there isn't a signed copy of Mike's lease in his file. Now, I suppose this isn't a big deal now, but were someone to come in and look at our files, this would be epically huge. I need to find Mike on Monday and get that stuff fixed.
I threw up a tree-stand last night.
When I showed up at the in-laws', Anna's mother greeted me with, "What do you think of my black eye?" It's pretty awesome actually. I believe she got it in a fist fight with some terrorists.
Anna and I had a hot date last night.
I decided it would make more sense to spend the night at the in-laws', instead of getting up even earlier to drive out there this morning to go hunting.
I missed.
I missed.
I missed.
I'm so absolutely frustrated with myself. I can't believe I missed.
This is going to eat at me until I get another shot.
It was really windy all morning. This wasn't the worst thing in the world since it covered up the sound of my sniffling, but it wasn't exactly blowing in an ideal direction.
Anna went riding with her parents this afternoon. She rode Ishmo (I have no idea how to spell this horse's name). Apparently, they got along famously. She's a cowgirl. Did I mention that she looks cute in her boots?
Anna and I agreed to do children's church in the morning. I think we'll do something on the Fruits of the Spirit. That'll teach those little devils how to behave.
Howie and Chief are sleeping on the futon.
I keep swallowing snot balls.
One of the things missing from everyone's tenant files was a copy of their Social Security card. I made me feel funny to ask people to make copies of their Social Security cards. It makes me feel funny that I have a job that allows me access to that sort of information. I guess this is why it was so important to not give this job to someone with notoriously sticky fingers.
I'm kind of thirsty.
People who don't read this blog: Everybody
No one reads this blog. Why? Because all I write about is random silliness, such as what color underwear I'm wearing and whether or not I need to shower. Those of you who do read this blog, you should seriously re-evaluate your lives. Couldn't your time be better spent elsewhere? (Don't worry. I'm just bitter because I missed that friggin' deer. This blog really does make you smarter.)

Naked Hoffs

Yesterday was too long ago for me to remember it.
Anna's mother had to replace their washer and dryer. Sears delivered them today, but they said they could only deliver during a certain time slot (early afternoon). This conflicted with Anna's mother's work schedule. So Anna agreed to go over and sign for it when they arrived. I woke up this morning to a voicemail saying that Sears had rescheduled for 10-12. It was already 10:30. Anna had to hurry to get there before the delivery guys showed up. Apparently, they were jerks too. I'll go beat them up.
Daisy got to spend all day at the in-laws. She's a poopy puppy.
I do vaguely recall that yesterday evening I agreed to fill out a survey for Anna's sister. I am not really sure what she hopes to glean from the information. Much of it had to do with how will I could picture something in my mind's eye. As it turns out, I can't. Now, I have never been inside someone else's head in order to compare and contrast the ways our brains work, but I've always gotten the impression that people can picture things more clearly than I can. This just confirmed it. Most of the time I just know I am thinking about something without seeing it in my mind.
I shaved off my beard. I didn't mean too. The guard on my trimmer broke halfway through trimming. I didn't have a way to even it up, so I just shaved it all off.
I spent the afternoon walking around the woods near the in-laws' place, looking for deer sign. There wasn't as much as there was last year. I wonder if that has a lot to do with Hank (the dog) buzzing around the area. I might still have a chance there though. I'll at least put up a stand and sit a few times. If I don't see anything, I'll pursue finding another place to hunt.
I need to go to Wal-Mart tonight.
I think I'm going to get a couple steaks. I haven't had a good steak in awhile.
I've had a big craving for creamed eggs on toast. I think I'll make that after I get back from the store.
The last two of four loads of laundry should be done in the dryers now. I need to go get those.
Sexy Euro-style dark blue boxer briefs.
Anna's working on a Christmas program for the kids to do at Brown's Corner. I think she's actually going to write it herself. She even wrote a song today. It's about a dirty filthy rotten gentile pig (yes, a swine) that wants to see the baby Jesus. I think it sounds like it could be really awesome. Anna's the bomb diggity.
The top of my left foot itches.
I saw a commercial for this "Avatar" movie. It looks like the worst thing since socialism.
People who read this blog: Person searching for something along the lines of "Naked Hoff" (For your information Jana, I tried googling it and couldn't find it now, but I promise it happened. It's just been awhile.)
I hope this was a woman, but I sincerely doubt it. In case you hadn't guessed, this fellow was most certainly trying to find nude pictures of David Hasselhoff. This disturbs me greatly. It's the think I most hate about my nickname. Hehoff is slightly questionable. Hoff is downright sketchy. It's unfortunate that the potential awesomeness of a name such as "Hehoff" could be tainted by something so skeezy as the Hasselhoff. What disturbs me most of all is that there are people who actually want to see the Hasselhoff naked. Who knows. Maybe they really did mean me, and they just wanted to see me naked. It could happen. I mean I am pretty incredible. Sadly, for those of you who do desire such a thing, I'm fairly confident Anna hasn't let any of those pictures leak. You can try though.

Election Day Eve

So the most significant event of my Reformation Day happened just after I finished my last post. There was a knock on the door. I opened it up to find Sara, looking rather out of it. She explained that she had locked herself out of her apartment. I quickly grabbed my keys and headed after her. I was immensely confused when upon reaching her apartment Sara simply opened up the door and walked inside. I looked at her, and she started trying to tell me that she had a drunk friend over. She told me that she never did this, but her friend was drunk. I couldn't see how this tied in to her being/not being locked out of her apartment. I asked if there was anything I needed to do, and she said, "no, you did a good job." I think she might have been the drunk one.
I told you the Donkeys didn't stand a chance, not with that offense.
Mary came by the office today holding a large chunk of her toilet seat. "That's not good," I said. She wanted to know if it was her responsibility to fix it and pay for it. I assured her it wasn't. Sadly, she had already sent her son to the store for a new one. I just had her bring me the receipt and paid her in cash (from the laundry money) for the seat.
Alice happened to walk by while I was dealing with Mary and mentioned that her toilet seat was broken as well. After I got done with Mary, I went over to Alice's and discovered a toilet seat held together by duct tape. I cannot fathom why she didn't just ask me about it. I actually had the toilet seat leftover from when I switched one out in our bathroom. I just went ahead and installed that one for her.
As I've mentioned before, Bobbie comes by nearly every day to ask if "the mail done run yet?" I'm not sure what Bobbie's issue was today, but she seemed personally offended that the mailman hadn't "done run yet." It was only one o'clock or so (he's usually not there until three or four), but I could hear her muttering about how "he sure likes to take his sweet time."
Bobbie also wanted $20 in quarters today.
Someone left one of those U.S. maps with the holes for the state quarters in the Community Room. Daulton found this really exciting and asked if he could have it. Sadly, he also asked if he could keep it in my office or else his dad may steal his quarters.
It's the second of the month. Several people paid their rent today.
Daulton kept showing everyone his Halloween mask. It was this garishly red, plastic thing, somewhat like a cross between those "Scream" masks and a happy clown face. I'm not sure if it was supposed to be anything other than stupid.
Daulton also told me about his candy seeking exploits. He told me that at houses where people just left out bowls of candy he just dumped the whole bowl into his bag. There is no hope for this kid.
Charcoal gray boxer briefs.
We took Daisy (along with the leftover chili, guacamole, and a pound cake) over to the in-laws' place tonight. Daisy played with Hank. We ate chili, guacamole, and pound cake. I took a nap on the couch. Anna wore her boots. She looks really cute in her boots.
I've eaten way too many leftover Starbursts.
Is there anything more satisfying than dumping a whole package of Skittles into your mouths and feeling your teeth decay?
People who read this blog: Person googling "Dark Blue Boxers"
This was originally going to be about a person who googled "Brown's Corner Chapel," but that turned out to be Anna. Person who googled "Dark Blue Boxers" was not Anna. Dark Blue Boxers was from Brooklyn, New York. She was also likely a girl looking to read about sexy guys who wear dark blue boxers. She is most assuredly a model who happens to only be interested in curly headed 20-somethings with a degree in English who have dark blue boxers in their personal underwear collection. Reading our blog must have driven her wild. She is probably plotting Anna's demise as we speak. She cannot live with the idea that someone as perfect as I am is not with her. I'm sorry Dark Blue Boxers, but Anna's just too cute. I will not trade her in for some floozy who goes trolling the internet for men who wear dark blue boxers. You are a despicable woman. Your mother would be ashamed to know you had turned out this way, and your father is horrified that a daughter of his is prancing about the internet in such a disreputable manner. Your family is disappointed in you young lady, for strutting around half-naked for the world to see. Put some clothes on and eat a bacon cheeseburger, for crying out loud.

Reformation Day

There is a big bowl of candy staring me in the face. It is there because all of the trick-or-treaters decided to go as "invisible," so I couldn't find them to give them candy.
Daisy seems to have been feeling a little funny today. She puked on the rug and on the couch. She also hasn't pooped or peed nearly as much as is normal for her.
I could have sworn there were a bunch of things I had to say, but now that I'm here writing, they have completely slipped my mind.
Camouflage Taz.
I dressed up as Martha Stewart for Reformation Day. I baked a pound cake and made chili. I even made an orange glaze (from scratch, using a freshly squeezed orange) for the cake.
I really wish kids had come and taken this candy. I got a bag of sour Skittles, and when I eat them the sour coating chews up the roof of my mouth. It's terrible. But these pretty green bags keep staring at me.
I'm sure there was something from yesterday that I wanted to talk about. I'm driving myself crazy trying to recall it.
This chili is starting to hit me pretty low in the gut.
The Broncos are going to lose tomorrow. They just aren't a good team. 6-0 is meaningless. They suck. The Ravens will destroy them.
People who read this blog: Person from the Phillipines who wanted to know how to "donate to the Salvation Army"
Apparently, the Salvation Army exists in the Phillipines. Well this weirdo wants to be all generous and junk and donate stuff. What a loser. Only losers do things like that. I mean come on. Seriously. Who does that? I didn't know people in the Phillipines even had stuff to donate. Maybe this person was looking to get stuff from the Salvation Army. Well, whatever the case, they ended up here, reading about how Jerry and Nancy aren't very nice Majors. I hope that shows donation person, and they decide not to donate. The last thing this world needs is more charity.

Deathly Thoughts

I hadn't seen Bobbie all week. As you maybe have gathered from this blog, she is a frequent visitor while I am in the office. The fact that I hadn't seen her from last week really started to worry me today. I couldn't help but worry that she was dead. She doesn't have any family visiting her. How would I know that she had passed? It occupied my thoughts the entire time I was in the office. I didn't want to have to deal with a dead person in my building. I don't know who to call. I don't want to have to notify some distant relative. So perhaps you will understand how grateful I was when there was a knock on the door this afternoon and it turned out to be Bobbie to tell me that the mailman couldn't get the mail-boxes shut.
Daisy definitely has designated her favorite pooping region. It just happens to be right in front of Pat's patio. I feel bad. I imagine pat sitting in her apartment, watching Daisy poop day after day. I hope she doesn't take it as a personal insult.
Speaking of Pat. Not long after Bobbie came by, someone buzzed are apartment. I answered, and it was Pat with what sounded like another woman. Pat started by asking if my wife's name was Nancy. I explained that Nancy was one of the Majors next deoor. I learned that this lady had come to donate coats to the Salvation Army and confused the apartments with the Salvation Army itself. The ladies quickly forgot they had buzzed me, and I listened in a bit as I found out that Pat doesn't like the new Majors. In fact, she imformed this lady that the Majors weren't very friendly at all. I just thought this was interesting.
Anna's grandmother gets mad if she sees that our car is at the apartments when she is over at the Salvation Army. Naturally, we can't tell her that she is an evil old lady, which means that we try to make sure we aren't around the apartments when she is around. Today being Thursday means that she was over there for the dinner. We didn't manage to leave before she arrived, but we were sure gone before she was done. We used it as an excuse to run up to Greenwood and Qdoba Thursday (we missed our Qdoba Thursday friends).
Light blue with black horizontal stripes.
Normally, I would be watching the World Series. I can't this year. I'm too depressed.
People who read this blog: Person who searched "neck hurts when rainy"
This person is from North Carolina. This person is most assuredly female. A man would say "neck hurts when raining." This person is probably not on Death's doorstep. Though, she is probably now terrified that she is after learning the fate of the two people whose shoulders hurt when they move their neck. This lady is probably old because old people always seem to have weather related pains. It's probably an old war would, acquired in a knife fight with a former lover. This means that this person is a southern belle with a violent past. She was probably once Miss North Carolina and was probably disqualified for trying to murder her competitors. Her past career as a beauty queen also guarantees she has a tenuous grip on reality and likely thinks that the terrorists are from one of them places like that there Antarctica or something. Our violent former pageanteer likes to spend her time getting into bar brawls and doing her hair. Honestly, I'm shocked she had enough brain cells bumping together to allow her to even think to search the internet for answers to her neck pain.

Pee

We took Daisy to get destinkified today. She peed on the groomer person. She doesn't stink though. Now she smells like strawberries.
Daulton got his report card. He got grades for three classes: social studies, health, and math. Apparently, these are the important subjects for juvenile delinquents. He got "A"s in social studies and health. He got a "B" in math. I wasn't at all surprised to hear about his high marks in social studies, considering the things he has taught me about such oft misunderstood topics like slavery and country building.
In another example of how Daulton lacks normal interpersonal skills, Mildred's daughter came by to drop some stuff off in Mildred's apartment. On her way out and without even saying anything to Daulton, he found it necessary to announce to her that he had gotten his report card, to tell her his grades, and to explain how he will be going back to normal school next semester. I just felt bad for the poor lady.
I keep belching the stinkiest belches.
The cats were out of cat food. I refilled their food dispenser. They are no longer bothering me.
It keeps raining. If it would stop raining, I would be able to set up a tree stand and start hunting.
We went to Chelsey's choirs' concert this evening. They sang songs like "Smoke on the Water" and "Barracuda." The kids seemed to enjoy themselves.
I won't take a shower tonight.
It's okay, though. I took a shower before we went to the concert.
I got a cast iron skillet tonight. I'm excited. It will make a deadly weapon.
People who read this blog: Yet another person who was googling about shoulder pain connected to neck movement.
As you are aware from the previous post, this person is probably already dead. Just like the other already dead person, God brought this person to my blog in order to get a glimpse of the Heavenly Realms before he or she passed on. In this instance though, this person unfortunately had to learn of his or her imminent demise from my writings. This surely induced a state of panic, in which he or she likely attempted to do everything he or she had always wanted to do. I am sure that tomorrow we will start hearing on the news about how a crazed dying maniac murdered various people who had been mean, ate all sorts of delicious food, kissed a bunch of people he or she had always had a crush on, and then keeled over dead from the dreaded shoulder-hurts-when-neck-moves disease. The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, must have seen fit for this catastrophe to happen. I suppose we will never know for sure why, but I suspect that perhaps the actions inspired by the knowledge dispensed in this blog will somehow save an even bigger disaster. Perhaps one of the people, who was a meany and was as a result murdered by our dying friend, would have been the driver of a car that would kick up a rock, and that rock would fly into the eye of a motorcyclist, who would then wreck into an onlooking deer, which in turn would run off, mortally wounded and expire in the woods near a stream, where it would rot and a new kind of super bacteria would mutate on the corpse, slip into the water supply and eventually poison the entire U.S. population of parakeets. The knowledge that this blog has prevented such a calamity does my heart good.