Evil Grandmother made Thanksgiving long and awkward, but for the most part, she did nothing particularly painful.
We picked up Jennifer from the airport on Thursday without any problems.
Jennifer is now convinced she is getting married to a guy named Bobby. They are talking about getting married on the beach in Hawaii. I think Jennifer is more in love with the idea of getting married on the beach in Hawaii than she is in love with Bobby.
Sarah made a delicious pumpkin roll for Thanksgiving.
Anna's mother made pretty much the rest of the meal. She did an excellent job. The turkey was very good.
Evil Grandmother brought her ever present noodles. Anna's family seems to like them. I can't tell if they are pretending or not. I, personally, think they are really gross.
We got our Christmas Tree on Friday. It's all set up and decorated. It actually looks very pretty. It's the first full-sized tree of our married life.
When we put it up, Howie and Chief essentially said, "THANKS GUYS FOR THIS AWESOME TOY!!!" (Yes, that was a prime example of bangorrhea, but it's also the most accurate way to describe the cats' reactions). Yesterday, we woke up to fine roughly a dozen of the ornaments strewn across the living room floor. Chief has been sitting on some of the branches and has permanently misshapen the tree.
Yesterday (let me remind you that it was Saturday) got on my nerves quickly. Or to be more precise, the residents got on my nerves quickly. Within five minutes of my waking up, Bobbie had knocked on the door to tell me she had locked herself out. I went and let her in to her apartment. Not long after that, George knocked on the door asking for change to do his laundry. I told him I wouldn't give out change outside of office hours. I think he hates me now. Not long after that, Beulah came by complaining that her furnace was squeaking. I went to look at it to make sure it wasn't anything major. It turns out all Beulah really wanted was a furnace filter. I should have told her I'd give her one on Monday, but I just wanted to be done with it. Not five minutes later, Beulah came back to tell me that Alice needed a filter as well. I gave her one, just to be done with it.
After that, I think I just went back to bed.
Sexy Euro-style.
This morning was the "Hanging of the Greens" service at Brown's Corner. Anna was manipulated into playing the piano. She ended up playing something like eight Christmas Carols, plus the prelude and offertory. She dominated. The service itself was interesting. Essentially, it just got the whole congregation involved in the decorating of the church for Christmas. Anna and I got to place some evergreen boughs in one of the windows and a weird ornament on the tree.
When we got back to the apartment from the service, we found a note under our door. Last night, somebody stole Jame's truck out of the parking lot. The police have been contacted, but man, that makes me really nervous to know that happened here. Our car was out there last night too, which makes me wonder what it was about Jame's truck that made it a target because ours is (sadly) by far the nicest car out there.
I don't really feel like typing much more.
Today is my sister's birthday. Yesterday was my Dad's birthday.
People who don't read this blog: My dad.
My dad uses the internet for two purposes: either he is using it at work to email his colleagues or he is using it at home to visit bowhunting websites and study maps of hunting areas. He may or may not even know what a blog is. If he did know, he wouldn't care, unless of course it had to do with hunting.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Ungrateful Little Wretches
My faithful readers can now be thankful. I am now posting an entry.
I have to go pick up our friend Jennifer at the airport tomorrow. Fun. The airport is new. Google and MSN maps having me going to the old airport. The airport website directs me somewhere else. I find this disconcerting.
Now that it's the day before Thanksgiving, things start to break. Yesterday, I was informed that one of the dryers was broken. Due to the holiday, the repairman cannot be here until Monday.
I had to have the electrician out to replace a light switch in Phyllis' bedroom.
In the midst of Bobbie's confused gibberish, I ascertained that someone overloaded one of the washers with detergent and thus flooded the laundry room with bubbles. I didn't see this. Bobbie cleaned it up. I feel bad about these things. That's the sort of thing for which I am responsible, but I never hear about it until after Bobbie has cleaned it up.
We gave Daisy a bath today because we couldn't stand to smell her anymore.
Anna's evil grandmother declared that she would show up for Thanksgiving at 11, even though she knows very well that we're not planning to eat until 3:30. This means that everyone who possibly can is avoiding the house until the very last minute. Then we will all rush in, eat, and then hide.
I have a mildly bad taste in my mouth.
Our car door is fixed. It's glorious.
I had the repair shop check the "check engine" light while they were at it. Apparently, our catalytic converter is not as efficient as it could be. This is of no significance to me because the car doesn't have to pass any sort of emissions tests. I feel much better now.
Velma and her family are using the Community Room for their Thanksgiving tomorrow. I got a call from one of Velma's daughters today about the parking situation. This call confirmed two things that I already suspected: 1) she is the one who called this summer and yelled at me for fifteen minutes about Alice and Pat having their kids around 2) everyone hates the current Majors at the Salvation Army. Velma's daughter wanted to know if it would be alright for the family to use the parking spaces so forcefully claimed by the Majors. I told her that they seemed to get pretty testy about their parking. She seemed to know this all too well. I learned that even when Velma needed a wheelchair to get around, the Majors got upset at them for parking there (Velma's apartment is the one closest to the Salvation Army). Velma's daughter quickly turned the parking question into a rant about Pat and Alice and their kids. She attributed several things to me that I didn't actually say, and she continued to not comprehend how nothing can effectively be done about the situation. Fortunately, this time I only got yelled at for five minutes.
Daulton and I did make sure that the Community Room was spiffed up nicely for tomorrow.
Anna is making muffins. She's all domestic and stuff.
I was looking forward to fixing a bunch of stuff for Thanksgiving but then Jennifer had to up and schedule a flight that landed right in the middle of prime Thanksgiving-meal-prep-time. I guess I'll just have to go all out at Christmas.
People who read this blog: Person googling "why does my legs sting"
This here visitor hails from Meridian, Mississippi. This little tidbit makes the painfulness of the query extra delicious. Congratulations person from Meridian, Mississippi, you have confirmed everything I ever suspected about people from Mississippi. Well, to be fair, that isn't completely true. I didn't realize that you Mississippians knew about this here internet thinger. Congratulations on forming a coherent enough mass of words to achieve search results that may have had something to do with your problem. Out of curiosity, I looked up the particular entry this person stumbled upon, and in doing so, I discovered the obvious diagnosis for his or her problem. Kittens. This person has one or more kittens with the claws very much intact. There is no other reasonable explanation for stinging legs.
I have to go pick up our friend Jennifer at the airport tomorrow. Fun. The airport is new. Google and MSN maps having me going to the old airport. The airport website directs me somewhere else. I find this disconcerting.
Now that it's the day before Thanksgiving, things start to break. Yesterday, I was informed that one of the dryers was broken. Due to the holiday, the repairman cannot be here until Monday.
I had to have the electrician out to replace a light switch in Phyllis' bedroom.
In the midst of Bobbie's confused gibberish, I ascertained that someone overloaded one of the washers with detergent and thus flooded the laundry room with bubbles. I didn't see this. Bobbie cleaned it up. I feel bad about these things. That's the sort of thing for which I am responsible, but I never hear about it until after Bobbie has cleaned it up.
We gave Daisy a bath today because we couldn't stand to smell her anymore.
Anna's evil grandmother declared that she would show up for Thanksgiving at 11, even though she knows very well that we're not planning to eat until 3:30. This means that everyone who possibly can is avoiding the house until the very last minute. Then we will all rush in, eat, and then hide.
I have a mildly bad taste in my mouth.
Our car door is fixed. It's glorious.
I had the repair shop check the "check engine" light while they were at it. Apparently, our catalytic converter is not as efficient as it could be. This is of no significance to me because the car doesn't have to pass any sort of emissions tests. I feel much better now.
Velma and her family are using the Community Room for their Thanksgiving tomorrow. I got a call from one of Velma's daughters today about the parking situation. This call confirmed two things that I already suspected: 1) she is the one who called this summer and yelled at me for fifteen minutes about Alice and Pat having their kids around 2) everyone hates the current Majors at the Salvation Army. Velma's daughter wanted to know if it would be alright for the family to use the parking spaces so forcefully claimed by the Majors. I told her that they seemed to get pretty testy about their parking. She seemed to know this all too well. I learned that even when Velma needed a wheelchair to get around, the Majors got upset at them for parking there (Velma's apartment is the one closest to the Salvation Army). Velma's daughter quickly turned the parking question into a rant about Pat and Alice and their kids. She attributed several things to me that I didn't actually say, and she continued to not comprehend how nothing can effectively be done about the situation. Fortunately, this time I only got yelled at for five minutes.
Daulton and I did make sure that the Community Room was spiffed up nicely for tomorrow.
Anna is making muffins. She's all domestic and stuff.
I was looking forward to fixing a bunch of stuff for Thanksgiving but then Jennifer had to up and schedule a flight that landed right in the middle of prime Thanksgiving-meal-prep-time. I guess I'll just have to go all out at Christmas.
People who read this blog: Person googling "why does my legs sting"
This here visitor hails from Meridian, Mississippi. This little tidbit makes the painfulness of the query extra delicious. Congratulations person from Meridian, Mississippi, you have confirmed everything I ever suspected about people from Mississippi. Well, to be fair, that isn't completely true. I didn't realize that you Mississippians knew about this here internet thinger. Congratulations on forming a coherent enough mass of words to achieve search results that may have had something to do with your problem. Out of curiosity, I looked up the particular entry this person stumbled upon, and in doing so, I discovered the obvious diagnosis for his or her problem. Kittens. This person has one or more kittens with the claws very much intact. There is no other reasonable explanation for stinging legs.
Monday, November 23, 2009
The Most Disgusting Thing Ever
Our Exploder is in the shop at the moment. The first priority is the driver side door. They should also tell me why the "check engine" light is lit. The door should be fixed tomorrow. I will no longer have to open the door from the inside to get behind the wheel.
Daulton looked upset again when he walked into the office. Last week he was upset because his mother and step-father are divorcing. This week he was upset because someone broke into his house and stole his bike and Daulton's father's machete, among other things. The fact that Daulton listed a bike and a machete but nothing especially valuable makes me think it was probably a kid who did the thieving.
Velma's daughter came by to tell me that her mother's screen door wasn't staying closed properly. When I looked at it, I discovered that whoever installed the thing had installed the latching mechanism on the bottom of the door too close to the ground. The bottom of the door couldn't swing all the way shut and therefore couldn't latch correctly. I didn't have a drill I trusted to put new holes in the metal door for the latch, so I just used a pocket knife to shorten up the ends of the latch (it's a plastic thinger) so that the door could close all the way. It worked.
I've delayed it as long as I can. Are you ready for the most disgusting thing ever? Skip this next paragraph if you would like to keep your mind clean, and remember that I don't make this stuff up.
Beulah came to the office to tell me that George and Katie have been making a great deal of noise in Katie's apartment. Apparently, they make enough of this noise to keep Della awake at night and have even woken up Beulah, who has three walls and two rooms between her and Katie. Beulah said that Katie would have the television blasting at three in the morning sometimes. I can imagine she would, considering she is deaf and can't read so subtitles would do her no good. Beulah then informed me that George and Katie also quarrel very loudly, which would be about the most painful thing ever considering Katie's deafness, Katie's dying man's voice, and George's stroke paralyzed tongue. But then I heard the worst thing ever in my life. Beulah informed me that George goes over to Katie's for "the oral sex." I do actually think I kept a straight face when she told me that, if only because it took me a second to actually process the information. Beulah assured me that she was sorry to have to tell me that, but "that's what they're doing." She even felt it necessary to tell me that George "does that top stuff too." How she knows all this, I don't know. I don't want to know. I just wanted to vomit. You, my faithful readers, have the fortune of never having to have seen these two people, and thus, you don't have the vivid image of George's drooling mouth or Katie's melting eyeballs seared into your brains. I want to puke.
The Dell technician came by this afternoon and replaced the plastic casing around Anna's laptop screen (which included the hinges) as well as the rubber feet on the base. Anna is delighted that she can precisely set the angle at which she wants her screen.
After I drove the car over to the shop this morning, I had to walk back to the apartment. That wasn't so bad. It was maybe a mile or a mile and a half walk, but I rolled my ankle while I was walking, which made it very painful for awhile.
Speaking of very painful. I backed my butt into the corner of the dresser earlier, and it hurt so bad. I don't even know why it hurt that much, but it did. Anna kissed it for me and made it all better.
I was going to go hunting this morning, but I failed to turn on my alarm.
Blue.
I said from the beginning that McDaniels should be fired. Does anyone believe me yet? The Donkeys don't finish better than 9-7. They definitely don't make the playoffs.
My back is pretty tight at the moment. Anyone want to give me a nice massage?
People who don't read this blog: My brother
Christopher was given the address for this blog once. I don't think he ever looked at it. I will chalk that up to his indifferent nature. Christopher doesn't care much about anything. It's pretty much impossible to talk to him, even if you are his family, and it's not even because we don't get along or anything like that. We get along fine. He just never has anything to say. If you get more than a one word answer out of him, you have achieved something special. Mostly, you'll just get a grunt. If you all think I'm a talkative and enthusiastic soul, you should me my brother. He puts me to shame. The youth pastor's wife at home called us Sunshine and Happy. We're quite the pair.
Daulton looked upset again when he walked into the office. Last week he was upset because his mother and step-father are divorcing. This week he was upset because someone broke into his house and stole his bike and Daulton's father's machete, among other things. The fact that Daulton listed a bike and a machete but nothing especially valuable makes me think it was probably a kid who did the thieving.
Velma's daughter came by to tell me that her mother's screen door wasn't staying closed properly. When I looked at it, I discovered that whoever installed the thing had installed the latching mechanism on the bottom of the door too close to the ground. The bottom of the door couldn't swing all the way shut and therefore couldn't latch correctly. I didn't have a drill I trusted to put new holes in the metal door for the latch, so I just used a pocket knife to shorten up the ends of the latch (it's a plastic thinger) so that the door could close all the way. It worked.
I've delayed it as long as I can. Are you ready for the most disgusting thing ever? Skip this next paragraph if you would like to keep your mind clean, and remember that I don't make this stuff up.
Beulah came to the office to tell me that George and Katie have been making a great deal of noise in Katie's apartment. Apparently, they make enough of this noise to keep Della awake at night and have even woken up Beulah, who has three walls and two rooms between her and Katie. Beulah said that Katie would have the television blasting at three in the morning sometimes. I can imagine she would, considering she is deaf and can't read so subtitles would do her no good. Beulah then informed me that George and Katie also quarrel very loudly, which would be about the most painful thing ever considering Katie's deafness, Katie's dying man's voice, and George's stroke paralyzed tongue. But then I heard the worst thing ever in my life. Beulah informed me that George goes over to Katie's for "the oral sex." I do actually think I kept a straight face when she told me that, if only because it took me a second to actually process the information. Beulah assured me that she was sorry to have to tell me that, but "that's what they're doing." She even felt it necessary to tell me that George "does that top stuff too." How she knows all this, I don't know. I don't want to know. I just wanted to vomit. You, my faithful readers, have the fortune of never having to have seen these two people, and thus, you don't have the vivid image of George's drooling mouth or Katie's melting eyeballs seared into your brains. I want to puke.
The Dell technician came by this afternoon and replaced the plastic casing around Anna's laptop screen (which included the hinges) as well as the rubber feet on the base. Anna is delighted that she can precisely set the angle at which she wants her screen.
After I drove the car over to the shop this morning, I had to walk back to the apartment. That wasn't so bad. It was maybe a mile or a mile and a half walk, but I rolled my ankle while I was walking, which made it very painful for awhile.
Speaking of very painful. I backed my butt into the corner of the dresser earlier, and it hurt so bad. I don't even know why it hurt that much, but it did. Anna kissed it for me and made it all better.
I was going to go hunting this morning, but I failed to turn on my alarm.
Blue.
I said from the beginning that McDaniels should be fired. Does anyone believe me yet? The Donkeys don't finish better than 9-7. They definitely don't make the playoffs.
My back is pretty tight at the moment. Anyone want to give me a nice massage?
People who don't read this blog: My brother
Christopher was given the address for this blog once. I don't think he ever looked at it. I will chalk that up to his indifferent nature. Christopher doesn't care much about anything. It's pretty much impossible to talk to him, even if you are his family, and it's not even because we don't get along or anything like that. We get along fine. He just never has anything to say. If you get more than a one word answer out of him, you have achieved something special. Mostly, you'll just get a grunt. If you all think I'm a talkative and enthusiastic soul, you should me my brother. He puts me to shame. The youth pastor's wife at home called us Sunshine and Happy. We're quite the pair.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Cookies
Anna's poor dear mother is really sick today. Let's hope she feels better soon.
One of the in-laws' neighbors found out Anna's mother was sick and made dinner for the family. She sent over meatloaf, mashed potatoes, green beans, biscuits, and cake. There are some mighty decent people in this part of the world (even if they do occasionally shoot their grandchildren's animals).
One of the ladies at Brown's Corner invited all the kids to make cookies today. Anna and I tagged along because we still feel like little kids. We made little turkey cookies out of Oreo cookies, mini Reese's, and candy corn. We broke about a million Oreos in the process.
Anna is feeling kind of funny right now. Hopefully she's not getting sick.
I don't really have anything to say.
Light blue.
I did receive an email from a faithful reader, yesterday. He wanted to inform me that he seemed to be in the beginning stages of shoulder-hurts-when-I-move-my-neck disorder. Naturally, I found this news devastating. I could offer him only the smallest amount of comfort, but I assured him that at least now he could plan his own funeral. He could even sound out fancy decorated invitations, as though it were a wedding.
People who don't read this blog: My sister
My sister doesn't read this blog. I wouldn't care if she did. I even sent her the link once, but I'm not sure she actually knows what the internet is. This is what my sister knows: a. shoes b. her boyfriend. I'm not sure my sister knows anything else. This girl once gave me the ipod that came free with her Mac because she had no use for it. The only music she listens to are these awful mixes compiled by her diminutive boyfriend. She has a facebook account, but I'd be surprised if she checks it more than a few times a year. This is also the girl who could have chosen to take a car to college, but she didn't because she would rather walk the two miles to school in her high heels than take the time to scrape the windows in the morning. Yes, this is also the girl who wears high heels every day of her life. Actually, I give her heels too much credit by calling them "high heels." They are more accurately termed "stripper heels." I love my sister. She's very smart. But I'm fairly convinced that she doesn't think.
One of the in-laws' neighbors found out Anna's mother was sick and made dinner for the family. She sent over meatloaf, mashed potatoes, green beans, biscuits, and cake. There are some mighty decent people in this part of the world (even if they do occasionally shoot their grandchildren's animals).
One of the ladies at Brown's Corner invited all the kids to make cookies today. Anna and I tagged along because we still feel like little kids. We made little turkey cookies out of Oreo cookies, mini Reese's, and candy corn. We broke about a million Oreos in the process.
Anna is feeling kind of funny right now. Hopefully she's not getting sick.
I don't really have anything to say.
Light blue.
I did receive an email from a faithful reader, yesterday. He wanted to inform me that he seemed to be in the beginning stages of shoulder-hurts-when-I-move-my-neck disorder. Naturally, I found this news devastating. I could offer him only the smallest amount of comfort, but I assured him that at least now he could plan his own funeral. He could even sound out fancy decorated invitations, as though it were a wedding.
People who don't read this blog: My sister
My sister doesn't read this blog. I wouldn't care if she did. I even sent her the link once, but I'm not sure she actually knows what the internet is. This is what my sister knows: a. shoes b. her boyfriend. I'm not sure my sister knows anything else. This girl once gave me the ipod that came free with her Mac because she had no use for it. The only music she listens to are these awful mixes compiled by her diminutive boyfriend. She has a facebook account, but I'd be surprised if she checks it more than a few times a year. This is also the girl who could have chosen to take a car to college, but she didn't because she would rather walk the two miles to school in her high heels than take the time to scrape the windows in the morning. Yes, this is also the girl who wears high heels every day of her life. Actually, I give her heels too much credit by calling them "high heels." They are more accurately termed "stripper heels." I love my sister. She's very smart. But I'm fairly convinced that she doesn't think.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Removal of Organs
We took Daisy to the vet yesterday to get her girl parts removed. We picked her up today. She looks funny with her belly shaved.
Bobbie brought me six dollars in dimes and two dollars in pennies that she wanted to exchange for quarters.
I got an email today from the companies accountant to tell me (and all the other property managers) that our company credit cards were working again. I didn't know they were ever not working. Now, I am just really grateful that I hardly ever have to go buy stuff. That would be terrible to have your company card rejected.
Alice came by the office wanting me to do a favor for her son. She wanted me to send his resume in reply to a posting in the want-ads. I would have done so except the company supplied an email address not a fax number. I explained that a) I don't have internet in the office, and b) all she had was a physical copy of his resume. What I learned after explaining this was that Alice had no idea what an email address looked like. She thought it was a coded fax number or something. Sometimes I forget there are people who have never been on the internet.
I sat this morning. I didn't see anything.
I did see a grouse while I was driving back.
My dad saw a bobcat catch a squirrel while he was deer hunting. That's about the coolest thing ever.
I saw a squirrel fall out of a tree the other day. That was kind of cool.
I need to hurry up and shoot a deer so that I can start going bird hunting with Anna's father.
Anna's mother has been really dizzy lately. Yesterday, it landed her in the ER. Now she has pills that make her really sleepy. Hopefully they rectify the situation.
Anna's been playing with her fancy new phone all day. It does do some pretty nifty stuff. It's even got an application that maps the stars and moves the map according to what direction you are pointing the phone. Thus, what you see on the screen should always match what you see in the sky. It's also got a bar code reader that instantly brings up reviews and competitor's prices.
Yesterday, Bobbie gave Daulton a whole pile of Little Debbie cupcakes. Apparently, Daulton's dog ate them all last night.
The Taco Bell at exit 68 off of I-65 has yet to correctly fill an order.
I'm out of tea. Thankfully, I already need to go to Wally World for other stuff this evening.
Sky blue boxer briefs.
People who read this blog: Person google blogsearching "first trumpet lesson"
This person surely visited our blog with the hopes of gaining some insight into how to learn trumpet from the beginning. They left with insight into everything but that. This is surely a young Floridian (yes, another visitor from Florida) mother, who wants to live vicariously through her children. Little miss Florida here was never the titular leader in the big band movement. She never had a solo with the New York Symphony. She probably never even got past middle school band because her parents wouldn't give her trumpet lessons. She has lived her life of sad failure just so she could produce a child who could go where she couldn't. If little Johnnie or Susie fails to attend Juilliard, our dear Floridian friend will go on a murderous rampage, shoving straight mutes and mouthpieces lubricated by valve oil down throats of mediocre band directors everywhere.
Bobbie brought me six dollars in dimes and two dollars in pennies that she wanted to exchange for quarters.
I got an email today from the companies accountant to tell me (and all the other property managers) that our company credit cards were working again. I didn't know they were ever not working. Now, I am just really grateful that I hardly ever have to go buy stuff. That would be terrible to have your company card rejected.
Alice came by the office wanting me to do a favor for her son. She wanted me to send his resume in reply to a posting in the want-ads. I would have done so except the company supplied an email address not a fax number. I explained that a) I don't have internet in the office, and b) all she had was a physical copy of his resume. What I learned after explaining this was that Alice had no idea what an email address looked like. She thought it was a coded fax number or something. Sometimes I forget there are people who have never been on the internet.
I sat this morning. I didn't see anything.
I did see a grouse while I was driving back.
My dad saw a bobcat catch a squirrel while he was deer hunting. That's about the coolest thing ever.
I saw a squirrel fall out of a tree the other day. That was kind of cool.
I need to hurry up and shoot a deer so that I can start going bird hunting with Anna's father.
Anna's mother has been really dizzy lately. Yesterday, it landed her in the ER. Now she has pills that make her really sleepy. Hopefully they rectify the situation.
Anna's been playing with her fancy new phone all day. It does do some pretty nifty stuff. It's even got an application that maps the stars and moves the map according to what direction you are pointing the phone. Thus, what you see on the screen should always match what you see in the sky. It's also got a bar code reader that instantly brings up reviews and competitor's prices.
Yesterday, Bobbie gave Daulton a whole pile of Little Debbie cupcakes. Apparently, Daulton's dog ate them all last night.
The Taco Bell at exit 68 off of I-65 has yet to correctly fill an order.
I'm out of tea. Thankfully, I already need to go to Wally World for other stuff this evening.
Sky blue boxer briefs.
People who read this blog: Person google blogsearching "first trumpet lesson"
This person surely visited our blog with the hopes of gaining some insight into how to learn trumpet from the beginning. They left with insight into everything but that. This is surely a young Floridian (yes, another visitor from Florida) mother, who wants to live vicariously through her children. Little miss Florida here was never the titular leader in the big band movement. She never had a solo with the New York Symphony. She probably never even got past middle school band because her parents wouldn't give her trumpet lessons. She has lived her life of sad failure just so she could produce a child who could go where she couldn't. If little Johnnie or Susie fails to attend Juilliard, our dear Floridian friend will go on a murderous rampage, shoving straight mutes and mouthpieces lubricated by valve oil down throats of mediocre band directors everywhere.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Martha Stewart
I'm rediscovering Zao's "The Fear is What Keeps Us Here." It's a fine effort.
Monday morning I had a very small deer come in behind me at around 8:30. Having decided that I wouldn't shoot it, I just watched it. Said deer must have been sleepy because it took a nice lie down twenty yards straight behind me tree. "Aww, that's cool," I thought. Said deer stayed there until 10:15. I normally get down at 10, so I can get to the office. I didn't want to make the deer fully aware of my presence, but I needed to get down. I was on the verge of whistling at it when it finally elected to continue on its way. In doing so, I was offered an easy shot. I just kept thinking how much I wished that deer was a couple years older.
If you were paying attention you would have realized that I referred to that deer as an "it." Well, that's honestly all I can say for sure. From a distance I would say it was a doe, but it's head looked a little funny, like it should have had antlers but didn't.
While the deer was bedded behind me, a coyote came in from the opposite direction. The deer saw the coyote, but I don't think the coyote ever saw the deer. I could have smoked the coyote at about twenty yards before it winded me.
Daulton started crying pretty much the instant he walked into the building yesterday. At first, he wouldn't tell me what was wrong, but I learned pretty quickly that his mother and step-father are divorcing. He was understandably upset. I guess they have been together about ten years. It was interesting to get his take on the matter though. He said that his step-father had been cheating on his mother, but he didn't want them to get a divorce because it would hurt his mother.
Today Daulton didn't show up until a half-hour before I close the office. He told me that he got in trouble. As he tells it, his teacher accused him of not doing his work, but Daulton insists he did. They had an exchange about it, and Daulton muttered under his breath, "this is f*****g gay." The teacher heard this and asked if Daulton had dropped the f-bomb. Daulton admitted he had, and the teacher had him copy out of the dictionary for the next two hours. As I said, this is according to Daulton. Who knows what the whole truth of the matter is?
Anna's getting a fancy new smartphone. My mother got us a membership to Sam's Club. These two things sound unrelated, but give me a chance to connect them. Anna saw online that she could get a good price on her desired smartphone at Sam's Club. We had yet to go to Sam's Club and actually register our membership, so yesterday we did that. Sadly, upon completing our registration we went over to the cellphone counter and discovered that they didn't carry the particular phone Anna wanted.
Most of last night was spent with Anna and her mother calling Verizon Wireless to figure out what they needed to do to get Anna this phone.
While they got Anna her phone, I fixed some steak. I made a smokey mess, though I must say that the steak was very tasty. It was a smokey mess mostly because I had to use vegetable oil and not something with a higher smoke point.
I replaced a bulb over Mildred's stove yesterday.
Bobbie wanted $20 in quarters today.
Mary told me she likes my haircut.
A meth head delivered phone books today.
I tried to go sit on stand this morning, and I did actually succeed in getting on stand. Unfortunately, it started raining not long after I had been on stand. After an hour and a half of a steady rain, I could feel the water start to soak into my boxers and new it was time to get down.
We're taking Daisy to get sliced and diced tomorrow.
One of the screen hinges on Anna's laptop broke last night. Now the screen can't be closed. I called Dell. They said a technician would call us Thursday to schedule a repair.
The driver side door on our car finally quit completely. As many of you are aware, the lock on that door hardly ever works. The only way to open the door was to pull the handle from the inside. Well, the inside latch is now broken as well. I have to climb over the passenger side seat to get behind the wheel. I guess that means that the first thing we do, after we are done dealing with Daisy, is schedule an appointment for the door to get fixed. I'm just not sure how they can work on a door that can't be opened in the first place.
I made some sweet tea tonight. The recipe includes baking soda "to fight the bitterness." I don't know anything about that. I can't say that I'm a sweet tea aficionado or anything.
There's always much more that happens during the day, but when I sit down to write this, I always forget. I guess I'll just let you guys imagine what I might have done:
I ________ to the ________. But because ________, I couldn't ________. Instead, I went ahead and ________. _________ wanted ______ to _________ so _________ and ________ _________ed. Thankfully, ________ felt like ________ and was _________ enough to ___________.
Red (I had been wearing gray boxers, but as I mentioned, they got soaked while I was hunting)
I did some laundry.
I'm thirsty.
People who read this blog: Person who Google blogsearched "dressed up as Martha Stewart"
This query directed this person to my Reformation Day post. I'm fairly certain this woman (For what man would have googled this particular phrase? Well, now that I think about that, I'm just creeped out. Let's just assume it was a woman.) was attracted to our blog because I mention baking a pound cake and fixing chili. I happen to know this visitor was from Florida, so she is most certainly a 78 year old retiree wanting to spend her golden years baking delicious goodies for her spoiled grand-children. To her I have this to say, a pound cake recipe is simple. It's a pound of butter, a pound of flour, a pound of sugar, and a pound of eggs. The secret is in the technique. Ok, I'm going to be honest. I have no idea why anyone would search for stuff about dressing up as Martha Stewart. The more I think about it the more it creeps me out, regardless of whether or not this person is a 78 year old grandmother.
Monday morning I had a very small deer come in behind me at around 8:30. Having decided that I wouldn't shoot it, I just watched it. Said deer must have been sleepy because it took a nice lie down twenty yards straight behind me tree. "Aww, that's cool," I thought. Said deer stayed there until 10:15. I normally get down at 10, so I can get to the office. I didn't want to make the deer fully aware of my presence, but I needed to get down. I was on the verge of whistling at it when it finally elected to continue on its way. In doing so, I was offered an easy shot. I just kept thinking how much I wished that deer was a couple years older.
If you were paying attention you would have realized that I referred to that deer as an "it." Well, that's honestly all I can say for sure. From a distance I would say it was a doe, but it's head looked a little funny, like it should have had antlers but didn't.
While the deer was bedded behind me, a coyote came in from the opposite direction. The deer saw the coyote, but I don't think the coyote ever saw the deer. I could have smoked the coyote at about twenty yards before it winded me.
Daulton started crying pretty much the instant he walked into the building yesterday. At first, he wouldn't tell me what was wrong, but I learned pretty quickly that his mother and step-father are divorcing. He was understandably upset. I guess they have been together about ten years. It was interesting to get his take on the matter though. He said that his step-father had been cheating on his mother, but he didn't want them to get a divorce because it would hurt his mother.
Today Daulton didn't show up until a half-hour before I close the office. He told me that he got in trouble. As he tells it, his teacher accused him of not doing his work, but Daulton insists he did. They had an exchange about it, and Daulton muttered under his breath, "this is f*****g gay." The teacher heard this and asked if Daulton had dropped the f-bomb. Daulton admitted he had, and the teacher had him copy out of the dictionary for the next two hours. As I said, this is according to Daulton. Who knows what the whole truth of the matter is?
Anna's getting a fancy new smartphone. My mother got us a membership to Sam's Club. These two things sound unrelated, but give me a chance to connect them. Anna saw online that she could get a good price on her desired smartphone at Sam's Club. We had yet to go to Sam's Club and actually register our membership, so yesterday we did that. Sadly, upon completing our registration we went over to the cellphone counter and discovered that they didn't carry the particular phone Anna wanted.
Most of last night was spent with Anna and her mother calling Verizon Wireless to figure out what they needed to do to get Anna this phone.
While they got Anna her phone, I fixed some steak. I made a smokey mess, though I must say that the steak was very tasty. It was a smokey mess mostly because I had to use vegetable oil and not something with a higher smoke point.
I replaced a bulb over Mildred's stove yesterday.
Bobbie wanted $20 in quarters today.
Mary told me she likes my haircut.
A meth head delivered phone books today.
I tried to go sit on stand this morning, and I did actually succeed in getting on stand. Unfortunately, it started raining not long after I had been on stand. After an hour and a half of a steady rain, I could feel the water start to soak into my boxers and new it was time to get down.
We're taking Daisy to get sliced and diced tomorrow.
One of the screen hinges on Anna's laptop broke last night. Now the screen can't be closed. I called Dell. They said a technician would call us Thursday to schedule a repair.
The driver side door on our car finally quit completely. As many of you are aware, the lock on that door hardly ever works. The only way to open the door was to pull the handle from the inside. Well, the inside latch is now broken as well. I have to climb over the passenger side seat to get behind the wheel. I guess that means that the first thing we do, after we are done dealing with Daisy, is schedule an appointment for the door to get fixed. I'm just not sure how they can work on a door that can't be opened in the first place.
I made some sweet tea tonight. The recipe includes baking soda "to fight the bitterness." I don't know anything about that. I can't say that I'm a sweet tea aficionado or anything.
There's always much more that happens during the day, but when I sit down to write this, I always forget. I guess I'll just let you guys imagine what I might have done:
I ________ to the ________. But because ________, I couldn't ________. Instead, I went ahead and ________. _________ wanted ______ to _________ so _________ and ________ _________ed. Thankfully, ________ felt like ________ and was _________ enough to ___________.
Red (I had been wearing gray boxers, but as I mentioned, they got soaked while I was hunting)
I did some laundry.
I'm thirsty.
People who read this blog: Person who Google blogsearched "dressed up as Martha Stewart"
This query directed this person to my Reformation Day post. I'm fairly certain this woman (For what man would have googled this particular phrase? Well, now that I think about that, I'm just creeped out. Let's just assume it was a woman.) was attracted to our blog because I mention baking a pound cake and fixing chili. I happen to know this visitor was from Florida, so she is most certainly a 78 year old retiree wanting to spend her golden years baking delicious goodies for her spoiled grand-children. To her I have this to say, a pound cake recipe is simple. It's a pound of butter, a pound of flour, a pound of sugar, and a pound of eggs. The secret is in the technique. Ok, I'm going to be honest. I have no idea why anyone would search for stuff about dressing up as Martha Stewart. The more I think about it the more it creeps me out, regardless of whether or not this person is a 78 year old grandmother.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Vindication
I said from the beginning that McDaniels was a terrible choice. I don't see the Donkeys finishing better than 9-7. Unfortunately, I don't think that will be bad enough to get McDaniels fired this year.
I was sure I would get a deer yesterday morning. How many times do you have five different deer within thirty yards of your stand and not get a single shot?
Yesterday, the neighbor across the road shot perhaps the biggest deer I have ever seen. It's a little bit of a kick in the stomach to know that deer was so close to where I have been hunting, and now it's no longer around for me to shoot.
Anna and I wrote a Christmas program last night. It's an interesting thing trying to figure out a whole kid's program for a church of forty people. The biggest problem will be figuring out which kids will actually be around for the program.
Yesterday was the start of gun season. I could hear lots of shots while I was on stand. I was actually pretty surprised at how many deer I saw, considering.
My dad added two more deer to the freezer. This season he has harvested an elk and three deer. The smallest of the three would have been his biggest deer almost any other year. Yeah, his season has been that ridiculous.
He could still buy another tag in Nebraska and shoot yet another buck. I'm not jealous at all.
If I shoot a doe first, I am going to buy another tag and go for a buck.
I don't have anything to say about the apartments. Weekends are boring that way.
People who don't read this blog: My mother
My mother doesn't read this blog. If she did, she would say things like, "You're just bizarre." I don't want her to read this blog. It would crush all her hopes and dreams for me. It's not that I think I've said anything that would be particularly hurtful to her. Mostly, I think she'd just be disappointed that I turned out so "bizarre"ly. I guess this is what happens when two engineers procreate.
I was sure I would get a deer yesterday morning. How many times do you have five different deer within thirty yards of your stand and not get a single shot?
Yesterday, the neighbor across the road shot perhaps the biggest deer I have ever seen. It's a little bit of a kick in the stomach to know that deer was so close to where I have been hunting, and now it's no longer around for me to shoot.
Anna and I wrote a Christmas program last night. It's an interesting thing trying to figure out a whole kid's program for a church of forty people. The biggest problem will be figuring out which kids will actually be around for the program.
Yesterday was the start of gun season. I could hear lots of shots while I was on stand. I was actually pretty surprised at how many deer I saw, considering.
My dad added two more deer to the freezer. This season he has harvested an elk and three deer. The smallest of the three would have been his biggest deer almost any other year. Yeah, his season has been that ridiculous.
He could still buy another tag in Nebraska and shoot yet another buck. I'm not jealous at all.
If I shoot a doe first, I am going to buy another tag and go for a buck.
I don't have anything to say about the apartments. Weekends are boring that way.
People who don't read this blog: My mother
My mother doesn't read this blog. If she did, she would say things like, "You're just bizarre." I don't want her to read this blog. It would crush all her hopes and dreams for me. It's not that I think I've said anything that would be particularly hurtful to her. Mostly, I think she'd just be disappointed that I turned out so "bizarre"ly. I guess this is what happens when two engineers procreate.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Clippity Clippity
I didn't see anything this morning. I guessed from the beginning that I wouldn't, after yesterday's debacle. I was further assured of this fact when someone across the road started shooting. I'm not sure what they were targeting. They may have been sighting in for all I know.
I have nothing to report from my time in the office. However, when I left the office I happened to see Katie and Bobbie pass each other in the hallway, and I heard Bobbie saying, "You people got no respect, slammin' doors all the time. I'm not going to put up with it." I doubt Katie heard her.
Bobbie has been muttering about slamming doors a great deal the past couple days. I'm not sure who is doing this slamming. I haven't noticed it.
I went to Wal-Mart. I had a close call as I was walking out to the car. I noticed Evil Grandmother's car by the Salvation Army (it being Thursday and thus the weekly meal), and I had a huge jolt of fear when I looked at the Salvation Army itself and saw her little spiteful back disappearing inside.
Some of you might ask why I am so afraid of Anna's evil grandmother. Well, I'm not, but I have a hard time lying. It doesn't matter about what. It makes me uncomfortable. Therefore, I do not want to ever see anyone to whom I would have to lie. Evil Grandmother is a prime example of someone to whom I would have to lie. I would have to make up all sorts of stuff about how we are busy all the time and that we are sorry for not coming to see her and that we miss her and that we would love to come see her soon and that the sight of her evil little face doesn't make us want to punch a starving child.
You may also think that I am overly harsh to a poor old lady. Just listen to her talk for awhile, and I assure you that you will understand. She can't hurt me, but she sure has hurt every single female member of her family. Her boys don't even like her (though I can't imagine they'd admit it).
Stan was my cashier at Wal-Mart. Stan had a creepy mustache. Stan also had his name tag, proudly emblazoned with his name, clipped to a relatively large gold cross pendant. The pendant itself was incongruous with the rest of Stan. Stan is not the sort of man to wear bling. Somehow, I don't think he quite comprehends that his pendant was designed more for ghetto couture than religious imagery. And the poor fellow had his Wal-Mart name tag clipped to the thing. For really.
Daulton laughed at my haircut and said that I didn't look like myself. James' daughter said that I looked like a baby.
Invisible boxers.
I picked up some decent looking steaks (a couple New York strips and a couple rib-eyes, well marbled). I'll cook a couple tomorrow and maybe a couple more Saturday.
My left shin itches.
The space between my right big toe and right whatever toe is next to the big toe itches.
I don't believe I mentioned this little story before, and I should have. A couple weeks ago, Janet had a friend crashing at her place. Janet's sister-in-law, Marilyn, didn't think this was a good arrangement. Marilyn called me while I was in the office and told me she didn't want Janet's friend there leeching off of her. Not only did she want me to tell her that Janet's friend wasn't allowed to keep staying there, but she actually said, "Call me back and tell me to tell Janet that you heard about her friend and that she's not allowed to stay there anymore." I guess it was her way to feel better about lying to Janet. Whatever. I called her back and informed her that Janet could not have someone stay over for more than a week. Marilyn interrupted me and said, "You'd better say two days because that's how long she's been there."
People who don't read this blog: Howie and Chief
Howie and Chief are cats and are thus incapable of using a computer. If they were capable of such things and were to stumble upon this blog, they would be horrified to see how I talk about them. They would most certainly hunt me down and kill me in my sleep. I'd wake up with a cat on my chest and another one holding a pillow over my face. I'm glad they are cats and cannot use the computer.
I have nothing to report from my time in the office. However, when I left the office I happened to see Katie and Bobbie pass each other in the hallway, and I heard Bobbie saying, "You people got no respect, slammin' doors all the time. I'm not going to put up with it." I doubt Katie heard her.
Bobbie has been muttering about slamming doors a great deal the past couple days. I'm not sure who is doing this slamming. I haven't noticed it.
I went to Wal-Mart. I had a close call as I was walking out to the car. I noticed Evil Grandmother's car by the Salvation Army (it being Thursday and thus the weekly meal), and I had a huge jolt of fear when I looked at the Salvation Army itself and saw her little spiteful back disappearing inside.
Some of you might ask why I am so afraid of Anna's evil grandmother. Well, I'm not, but I have a hard time lying. It doesn't matter about what. It makes me uncomfortable. Therefore, I do not want to ever see anyone to whom I would have to lie. Evil Grandmother is a prime example of someone to whom I would have to lie. I would have to make up all sorts of stuff about how we are busy all the time and that we are sorry for not coming to see her and that we miss her and that we would love to come see her soon and that the sight of her evil little face doesn't make us want to punch a starving child.
You may also think that I am overly harsh to a poor old lady. Just listen to her talk for awhile, and I assure you that you will understand. She can't hurt me, but she sure has hurt every single female member of her family. Her boys don't even like her (though I can't imagine they'd admit it).
Stan was my cashier at Wal-Mart. Stan had a creepy mustache. Stan also had his name tag, proudly emblazoned with his name, clipped to a relatively large gold cross pendant. The pendant itself was incongruous with the rest of Stan. Stan is not the sort of man to wear bling. Somehow, I don't think he quite comprehends that his pendant was designed more for ghetto couture than religious imagery. And the poor fellow had his Wal-Mart name tag clipped to the thing. For really.
Daulton laughed at my haircut and said that I didn't look like myself. James' daughter said that I looked like a baby.
Invisible boxers.
I picked up some decent looking steaks (a couple New York strips and a couple rib-eyes, well marbled). I'll cook a couple tomorrow and maybe a couple more Saturday.
My left shin itches.
The space between my right big toe and right whatever toe is next to the big toe itches.
I don't believe I mentioned this little story before, and I should have. A couple weeks ago, Janet had a friend crashing at her place. Janet's sister-in-law, Marilyn, didn't think this was a good arrangement. Marilyn called me while I was in the office and told me she didn't want Janet's friend there leeching off of her. Not only did she want me to tell her that Janet's friend wasn't allowed to keep staying there, but she actually said, "Call me back and tell me to tell Janet that you heard about her friend and that she's not allowed to stay there anymore." I guess it was her way to feel better about lying to Janet. Whatever. I called her back and informed her that Janet could not have someone stay over for more than a week. Marilyn interrupted me and said, "You'd better say two days because that's how long she's been there."
People who don't read this blog: Howie and Chief
Howie and Chief are cats and are thus incapable of using a computer. If they were capable of such things and were to stumble upon this blog, they would be horrified to see how I talk about them. They would most certainly hunt me down and kill me in my sleep. I'd wake up with a cat on my chest and another one holding a pillow over my face. I'm glad they are cats and cannot use the computer.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Aye Yai Yai
Let's start with yesterday. I'll let the anticipation build. Except you don't even know I'm building towards anything. I fail as a writer.
I sat in stand yesterday morning. I didn't see anything.
I came back and went to the office. The electrician came by and replaced the ballast in Katie's kitchen first, and then he replaced the one in Judy's. I felt bad for him while he was working in Katie's apartment. Not only was it smokey (as per usual), but it was unbelievably hot. George happened to be over there as well, and he and Katie just stared at the electrician while he did his thing. The guy tried to make conversation, but all you can ever get out of Katie is "huh?"
Judy couldn't comprehend that the problem in her light was with the ballast and not the bulbs. She kept asking me which bulb was burned out.
Anna went riding with her mother while I was in the office. She is getting to be real pals with Ishy. My wife's a cowgirl.
I'm sure I wore underwear yesterday, but I couldn't tell you what color it was.
Daulton walked into the building looking absolutely miserable yesterday morning. He had a bad headache. I didn't make him do anything.
I don't really have much else to say about yesterday.
Now for the main event.
What you've all been waiting for.
(Disregard my ridiculously inelegant syntax)
These are the mornings that make me pull my hair out of my head. These are also the mornings that will haunt me for the rest of my life (unless of course I do get a deer this year).
I got up again and sat on stand. For the third morning out of the four that I've hunted, I heard a "crunch, crunch, crunch" at about 8:35. I caught enough of a glimpse to know that it was indeed a deer. I had to turned and pick up my bow, and by the time I had it, the deer was already halfway past me. It was a buck. It was a really big buck. It followed the same path the buck from Monday morning followed, and I didn't have a shot. I tried to grunt to him, but he just cruised on by. He wouldn't stop for anything.
I sat for the next hour and a half without seeing anything, and I knew I had to get back to the office. I looked around to make sure nothing was coming, and I started to get out of the stand. Halfway down the tree CRASH CRASH CRASH. I turn and see a doe wheeling and bolting from not ten yards in front of me. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe that I hadn't seen her before I got down. I couldn't believe that if it had been a Saturday morning, I would have had a chance because I wouldn't need to go to the office.
I finally made it down, grabbed my bow, and started heading back to the house. CRASH CRASH CRASH. I hadn't gone twenty yards. I whirled around to see another really big buck running right out from under my tree. I about fell over. I nearly went insane on the spot. Not only would I have had a chance to shoot this deer if I had stayed on stand another five minutes, but I would have had a chance to shoot this deer if I had just stopped at the bottom of my tree and looked around.
I told Anna, when I got back, that I'm no good at this hunting thing. I quit.
The exterminator came today. He sprayed in most all of the apartments. I don't like entering apartments when I'm not sure if anyone is home or not. While we were in Pat's apartment, she started talking to me about Daulton. She wanted to know how old he was. She thought he had told her he was thirteen, and she wanted to remark on how young he looked for thirteen. When I told her he was fifteen, she gave me an absolute look of disbelief and asked if there was anything medically wrong with him. I didn't exactly want to talk about the possible side effects of his medication, so I said that he just hasn't hit manhood yet.
When I knocked on Janet's door, I was treated to an assault of yappy dog barks. After she had let the exterminator inside, she started asking me if it was alright if she had the dog, saying that she was going to come see me today and telling me all about how the dog's previous owner was now in a nursing home. She assured me that she had only had it one night and was willing to pay the deposit. Here's the thing though. She's had the dog there for at least two weeks. Her sister-in-law even told me about it. I didn't say anything. I just thought it was amusing that she was trying to lie about it.
After the bug man left, I put Daulton to work cleaning up the entry way. The main door especially needed attention. I had him use a magic eraser on it. It worked pretty well where he could actually reach. I noticed later though that he hadn't gotten the top of the door. I'll have to get it myself.
Bobbie came out to see Daulton while he was working on a puzzle. She didn't come in to say anything to me, but I could hear their conversation and figured out what was happening. She really admired one of the puzzles Daulton had completed (it happened to be a hideous Thomas Kinkade thing), and she wanted to frame it. She actually brought a frame and had Daulton help her put the puzzle in it. I found it particularly amusing that it wasn't until after they had it all framed, that she had Daulton ask if it was okay for her to have it.
Mike stopped by to pay his rent. He's grown out his beard. He'd make a good Santa.
I got a couple hairs cut after I finished in the office. It's short now. I'm still kind of itchy, seeing as I have yet to take my shower.
I dyed Anna's hair today. It was a little scary when I was applying it, only to see her scalp starting to turn purple. We were a little worried at what the color would actually be, but it looks really nice. It's not as red as we were expecting. It's just a pretty rich auburn. She's hot, let me tell you what.
People who read this blog: Random person from Middleburg, Florida.
Random person from Middleburg lives in a funnily named place. They are probably funny themselves. I'm guessing that they work in the food service industry and enjoy sculpting interesting shapes out of the food. Something tells me this person is from one of those especially charismatic churches that slays people in the Spirit. And yet, I also get the sense that this person is very in touch with his feminine side. This does seem to be a mysterious entity.
I sat in stand yesterday morning. I didn't see anything.
I came back and went to the office. The electrician came by and replaced the ballast in Katie's kitchen first, and then he replaced the one in Judy's. I felt bad for him while he was working in Katie's apartment. Not only was it smokey (as per usual), but it was unbelievably hot. George happened to be over there as well, and he and Katie just stared at the electrician while he did his thing. The guy tried to make conversation, but all you can ever get out of Katie is "huh?"
Judy couldn't comprehend that the problem in her light was with the ballast and not the bulbs. She kept asking me which bulb was burned out.
Anna went riding with her mother while I was in the office. She is getting to be real pals with Ishy. My wife's a cowgirl.
I'm sure I wore underwear yesterday, but I couldn't tell you what color it was.
Daulton walked into the building looking absolutely miserable yesterday morning. He had a bad headache. I didn't make him do anything.
I don't really have much else to say about yesterday.
Now for the main event.
What you've all been waiting for.
(Disregard my ridiculously inelegant syntax)
These are the mornings that make me pull my hair out of my head. These are also the mornings that will haunt me for the rest of my life (unless of course I do get a deer this year).
I got up again and sat on stand. For the third morning out of the four that I've hunted, I heard a "crunch, crunch, crunch" at about 8:35. I caught enough of a glimpse to know that it was indeed a deer. I had to turned and pick up my bow, and by the time I had it, the deer was already halfway past me. It was a buck. It was a really big buck. It followed the same path the buck from Monday morning followed, and I didn't have a shot. I tried to grunt to him, but he just cruised on by. He wouldn't stop for anything.
I sat for the next hour and a half without seeing anything, and I knew I had to get back to the office. I looked around to make sure nothing was coming, and I started to get out of the stand. Halfway down the tree CRASH CRASH CRASH. I turn and see a doe wheeling and bolting from not ten yards in front of me. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe that I hadn't seen her before I got down. I couldn't believe that if it had been a Saturday morning, I would have had a chance because I wouldn't need to go to the office.
I finally made it down, grabbed my bow, and started heading back to the house. CRASH CRASH CRASH. I hadn't gone twenty yards. I whirled around to see another really big buck running right out from under my tree. I about fell over. I nearly went insane on the spot. Not only would I have had a chance to shoot this deer if I had stayed on stand another five minutes, but I would have had a chance to shoot this deer if I had just stopped at the bottom of my tree and looked around.
I told Anna, when I got back, that I'm no good at this hunting thing. I quit.
The exterminator came today. He sprayed in most all of the apartments. I don't like entering apartments when I'm not sure if anyone is home or not. While we were in Pat's apartment, she started talking to me about Daulton. She wanted to know how old he was. She thought he had told her he was thirteen, and she wanted to remark on how young he looked for thirteen. When I told her he was fifteen, she gave me an absolute look of disbelief and asked if there was anything medically wrong with him. I didn't exactly want to talk about the possible side effects of his medication, so I said that he just hasn't hit manhood yet.
When I knocked on Janet's door, I was treated to an assault of yappy dog barks. After she had let the exterminator inside, she started asking me if it was alright if she had the dog, saying that she was going to come see me today and telling me all about how the dog's previous owner was now in a nursing home. She assured me that she had only had it one night and was willing to pay the deposit. Here's the thing though. She's had the dog there for at least two weeks. Her sister-in-law even told me about it. I didn't say anything. I just thought it was amusing that she was trying to lie about it.
After the bug man left, I put Daulton to work cleaning up the entry way. The main door especially needed attention. I had him use a magic eraser on it. It worked pretty well where he could actually reach. I noticed later though that he hadn't gotten the top of the door. I'll have to get it myself.
Bobbie came out to see Daulton while he was working on a puzzle. She didn't come in to say anything to me, but I could hear their conversation and figured out what was happening. She really admired one of the puzzles Daulton had completed (it happened to be a hideous Thomas Kinkade thing), and she wanted to frame it. She actually brought a frame and had Daulton help her put the puzzle in it. I found it particularly amusing that it wasn't until after they had it all framed, that she had Daulton ask if it was okay for her to have it.
Mike stopped by to pay his rent. He's grown out his beard. He'd make a good Santa.
I got a couple hairs cut after I finished in the office. It's short now. I'm still kind of itchy, seeing as I have yet to take my shower.
I dyed Anna's hair today. It was a little scary when I was applying it, only to see her scalp starting to turn purple. We were a little worried at what the color would actually be, but it looks really nice. It's not as red as we were expecting. It's just a pretty rich auburn. She's hot, let me tell you what.
People who read this blog: Random person from Middleburg, Florida.
Random person from Middleburg lives in a funnily named place. They are probably funny themselves. I'm guessing that they work in the food service industry and enjoy sculpting interesting shapes out of the food. Something tells me this person is from one of those especially charismatic churches that slays people in the Spirit. And yet, I also get the sense that this person is very in touch with his feminine side. This does seem to be a mysterious entity.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
ishy
Anna.
So mom and dad got a new horse. His name was Tank, but that would mean they'd have Hank The Dog and Hank The Horse and Tank. Hank, Hank, and Tank? I thought they should change the names of the other animals, too. Molly- Shank, Casey- Flank, Bubby- Stank, Patsy- Rank, Lucy- Frank, and Erik should stay Erik. Shank, Flank, Stank, Rank, Frank, Hank, Hank, Tank, and Erik. :)
Ok, that was weird. But really, Ishmoe (the new horse) is kind of amazing and I like him a lot and I like to imagine he's my horsie. He's nice and it's fun and I don't feel like I wasted my money buying my cool boots. Mom and I went on a ride today and it was lots of fun. I talk to him when I ride him and I say, "You're my friend, Ishy, and we will go on adventures together." His ears flick.
That's the end of the monthly Anna update.
I Told You
I said this weeks ago. The Donkeys cannot win against good teams with that offense. They have no offense. It doesn't matter how good their defense is. You can't keep a good team off the scoreboard. Both this game and last game are on the offense. Neither game is the defenses fault. 30-7 sounds bad, but what can a defense do when all the offense wants to do is go three and out? 28-10 sounds bad, but two of those touchdowns were junk end of the game touchdowns. Let's just pretend the Broncos can score one silly little touchdown in the second half. It's a completely different game. I said this from the beginning. Josh McDaniels is almost as evil as Obama. Fire him now. This is a failure. The Chargers are only a game back. This season is going to end up exactly like last year.
I didn't mention this the other day, but it's worth mentioning. When Janet's sister-in-law (Marilyn) was in last week to pay Janet's rent, it quite literally took her fifteen minutes to write the check. Why? Because she wouldn't stop talking.
Katie came by this morning to tell me her kitchen lights were out. I checked them. It's going to require the electrician. I called the electrician. He'll be here tomorrow.
Judy came by later to say that her kitchen lights were out. I told her the electrician would be here tomorrow.
I got up early and did some hunting this morning. I saw a couple again. I didn't have a shot this time. There just wasn't an open shooting lane in that direction.
I'll go again in the morning.
I replaced the light over Mike's stove. I also got him to sign his lease and other miscellaneous things. I felt really bad because he has had a couple strokes that make it difficult for him to write. It was a painful experience watching him sign the six signatures I needed.
Anna went over to her parent's house while I was still in the office. She went to hang out with her mother and aunt. They made cards. According to Anna, they made Christmas cards with sparkly snowmen.
Speaking of Christmas, certain people are starting to ask me what I want for Christmas. First of all, I don't want anything for Christmas. Secondly, it's not even Thanksgiving. I can't even pretend to think about Christmas yet.
Holidays always depress me. I don't know why, but they really do.
It really annoys me, the new little "suggestions" facebook places in the top right of the page. Not only is it suggesting people I've never ever heard of as potential "friends," but it is asking me to "help make facebook better" for people by writing on their walls. Here's the deal. Maybe I haven't written on their walls in awhile because I hate them all? Maybe I am "friends" with them, just so that I can stalk them and laugh at their puny lives?
Sorry, the Donkeys' offense is making me bitter this evening.
Anna took Daisy with her today. I guess she played with Hank for hours. She and Hank are pals. Daisy isn't really allowed inside there anymore though because she gets too involved playing with Hank and poops on the floor.
Lucy hates it when Daisy comes over because she doesn't get any attention.
Camouflage Taz.
I need to shower.
I need to go to bed soon if I'm going to get up early and go hunting again.
I'm going to keep doing this until I get a deer. Heck, if I get a deer soon enough, I might buy another tag and go for another deer.
I'd like to get a hair cut, but I haven't decided which hair.
Anna's parents said they saw some deer walking near my stand Sunday morning. That makes three straight mornings with deer near my stand. I'd say I have a good chance of getting another shot.
It's weird to hunt within sight of your in-laws' house. It's especially strange to watch the Culligan man do his water softener thing, having no idea I'm up in a tree watching him.
I've eaten so much salsa in the last few days. I think I might start speaking Mexican.
People who read this blog: Random visitor from Norway
This person is most certainly not real. No one actually lives in Norway. It's just ice and snow. Wait, it's not? Shoot. Well, then this person is real and is simply fantasizing about living in a warmer climate.
I didn't mention this the other day, but it's worth mentioning. When Janet's sister-in-law (Marilyn) was in last week to pay Janet's rent, it quite literally took her fifteen minutes to write the check. Why? Because she wouldn't stop talking.
Katie came by this morning to tell me her kitchen lights were out. I checked them. It's going to require the electrician. I called the electrician. He'll be here tomorrow.
Judy came by later to say that her kitchen lights were out. I told her the electrician would be here tomorrow.
I got up early and did some hunting this morning. I saw a couple again. I didn't have a shot this time. There just wasn't an open shooting lane in that direction.
I'll go again in the morning.
I replaced the light over Mike's stove. I also got him to sign his lease and other miscellaneous things. I felt really bad because he has had a couple strokes that make it difficult for him to write. It was a painful experience watching him sign the six signatures I needed.
Anna went over to her parent's house while I was still in the office. She went to hang out with her mother and aunt. They made cards. According to Anna, they made Christmas cards with sparkly snowmen.
Speaking of Christmas, certain people are starting to ask me what I want for Christmas. First of all, I don't want anything for Christmas. Secondly, it's not even Thanksgiving. I can't even pretend to think about Christmas yet.
Holidays always depress me. I don't know why, but they really do.
It really annoys me, the new little "suggestions" facebook places in the top right of the page. Not only is it suggesting people I've never ever heard of as potential "friends," but it is asking me to "help make facebook better" for people by writing on their walls. Here's the deal. Maybe I haven't written on their walls in awhile because I hate them all? Maybe I am "friends" with them, just so that I can stalk them and laugh at their puny lives?
Sorry, the Donkeys' offense is making me bitter this evening.
Anna took Daisy with her today. I guess she played with Hank for hours. She and Hank are pals. Daisy isn't really allowed inside there anymore though because she gets too involved playing with Hank and poops on the floor.
Lucy hates it when Daisy comes over because she doesn't get any attention.
Camouflage Taz.
I need to shower.
I need to go to bed soon if I'm going to get up early and go hunting again.
I'm going to keep doing this until I get a deer. Heck, if I get a deer soon enough, I might buy another tag and go for another deer.
I'd like to get a hair cut, but I haven't decided which hair.
Anna's parents said they saw some deer walking near my stand Sunday morning. That makes three straight mornings with deer near my stand. I'd say I have a good chance of getting another shot.
It's weird to hunt within sight of your in-laws' house. It's especially strange to watch the Culligan man do his water softener thing, having no idea I'm up in a tree watching him.
I've eaten so much salsa in the last few days. I think I might start speaking Mexican.
People who read this blog: Random visitor from Norway
This person is most certainly not real. No one actually lives in Norway. It's just ice and snow. Wait, it's not? Shoot. Well, then this person is real and is simply fantasizing about living in a warmer climate.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Missed
I might be getting a cold.
I was pretty busy yesterday in the office. The company is doing an audit of the files at all of it's Salvation Army properties. They requested certain information from five of the tenant files. The problem is that half of that information wasn't in the files. I spent most of the day seeking out tenants and getting them to sign forms that should have been signed five years ago. The most interesting thing I discovered is that there isn't a signed copy of Mike's lease in his file. Now, I suppose this isn't a big deal now, but were someone to come in and look at our files, this would be epically huge. I need to find Mike on Monday and get that stuff fixed.
I threw up a tree-stand last night.
When I showed up at the in-laws', Anna's mother greeted me with, "What do you think of my black eye?" It's pretty awesome actually. I believe she got it in a fist fight with some terrorists.
Anna and I had a hot date last night.
I decided it would make more sense to spend the night at the in-laws', instead of getting up even earlier to drive out there this morning to go hunting.
I missed.
I missed.
I missed.
I'm so absolutely frustrated with myself. I can't believe I missed.
This is going to eat at me until I get another shot.
It was really windy all morning. This wasn't the worst thing in the world since it covered up the sound of my sniffling, but it wasn't exactly blowing in an ideal direction.
Anna went riding with her parents this afternoon. She rode Ishmo (I have no idea how to spell this horse's name). Apparently, they got along famously. She's a cowgirl. Did I mention that she looks cute in her boots?
Anna and I agreed to do children's church in the morning. I think we'll do something on the Fruits of the Spirit. That'll teach those little devils how to behave.
Howie and Chief are sleeping on the futon.
I keep swallowing snot balls.
One of the things missing from everyone's tenant files was a copy of their Social Security card. I made me feel funny to ask people to make copies of their Social Security cards. It makes me feel funny that I have a job that allows me access to that sort of information. I guess this is why it was so important to not give this job to someone with notoriously sticky fingers.
I'm kind of thirsty.
People who don't read this blog: Everybody
No one reads this blog. Why? Because all I write about is random silliness, such as what color underwear I'm wearing and whether or not I need to shower. Those of you who do read this blog, you should seriously re-evaluate your lives. Couldn't your time be better spent elsewhere? (Don't worry. I'm just bitter because I missed that friggin' deer. This blog really does make you smarter.)
I was pretty busy yesterday in the office. The company is doing an audit of the files at all of it's Salvation Army properties. They requested certain information from five of the tenant files. The problem is that half of that information wasn't in the files. I spent most of the day seeking out tenants and getting them to sign forms that should have been signed five years ago. The most interesting thing I discovered is that there isn't a signed copy of Mike's lease in his file. Now, I suppose this isn't a big deal now, but were someone to come in and look at our files, this would be epically huge. I need to find Mike on Monday and get that stuff fixed.
I threw up a tree-stand last night.
When I showed up at the in-laws', Anna's mother greeted me with, "What do you think of my black eye?" It's pretty awesome actually. I believe she got it in a fist fight with some terrorists.
Anna and I had a hot date last night.
I decided it would make more sense to spend the night at the in-laws', instead of getting up even earlier to drive out there this morning to go hunting.
I missed.
I missed.
I missed.
I'm so absolutely frustrated with myself. I can't believe I missed.
This is going to eat at me until I get another shot.
It was really windy all morning. This wasn't the worst thing in the world since it covered up the sound of my sniffling, but it wasn't exactly blowing in an ideal direction.
Anna went riding with her parents this afternoon. She rode Ishmo (I have no idea how to spell this horse's name). Apparently, they got along famously. She's a cowgirl. Did I mention that she looks cute in her boots?
Anna and I agreed to do children's church in the morning. I think we'll do something on the Fruits of the Spirit. That'll teach those little devils how to behave.
Howie and Chief are sleeping on the futon.
I keep swallowing snot balls.
One of the things missing from everyone's tenant files was a copy of their Social Security card. I made me feel funny to ask people to make copies of their Social Security cards. It makes me feel funny that I have a job that allows me access to that sort of information. I guess this is why it was so important to not give this job to someone with notoriously sticky fingers.
I'm kind of thirsty.
People who don't read this blog: Everybody
No one reads this blog. Why? Because all I write about is random silliness, such as what color underwear I'm wearing and whether or not I need to shower. Those of you who do read this blog, you should seriously re-evaluate your lives. Couldn't your time be better spent elsewhere? (Don't worry. I'm just bitter because I missed that friggin' deer. This blog really does make you smarter.)
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Naked Hoffs
Yesterday was too long ago for me to remember it.
Anna's mother had to replace their washer and dryer. Sears delivered them today, but they said they could only deliver during a certain time slot (early afternoon). This conflicted with Anna's mother's work schedule. So Anna agreed to go over and sign for it when they arrived. I woke up this morning to a voicemail saying that Sears had rescheduled for 10-12. It was already 10:30. Anna had to hurry to get there before the delivery guys showed up. Apparently, they were jerks too. I'll go beat them up.
Daisy got to spend all day at the in-laws. She's a poopy puppy.
I do vaguely recall that yesterday evening I agreed to fill out a survey for Anna's sister. I am not really sure what she hopes to glean from the information. Much of it had to do with how will I could picture something in my mind's eye. As it turns out, I can't. Now, I have never been inside someone else's head in order to compare and contrast the ways our brains work, but I've always gotten the impression that people can picture things more clearly than I can. This just confirmed it. Most of the time I just know I am thinking about something without seeing it in my mind.
I shaved off my beard. I didn't mean too. The guard on my trimmer broke halfway through trimming. I didn't have a way to even it up, so I just shaved it all off.
I spent the afternoon walking around the woods near the in-laws' place, looking for deer sign. There wasn't as much as there was last year. I wonder if that has a lot to do with Hank (the dog) buzzing around the area. I might still have a chance there though. I'll at least put up a stand and sit a few times. If I don't see anything, I'll pursue finding another place to hunt.
I need to go to Wal-Mart tonight.
I think I'm going to get a couple steaks. I haven't had a good steak in awhile.
I've had a big craving for creamed eggs on toast. I think I'll make that after I get back from the store.
The last two of four loads of laundry should be done in the dryers now. I need to go get those.
Sexy Euro-style dark blue boxer briefs.
Anna's working on a Christmas program for the kids to do at Brown's Corner. I think she's actually going to write it herself. She even wrote a song today. It's about a dirty filthy rotten gentile pig (yes, a swine) that wants to see the baby Jesus. I think it sounds like it could be really awesome. Anna's the bomb diggity.
The top of my left foot itches.
I saw a commercial for this "Avatar" movie. It looks like the worst thing since socialism.
People who read this blog: Person searching for something along the lines of "Naked Hoff" (For your information Jana, I tried googling it and couldn't find it now, but I promise it happened. It's just been awhile.)
I hope this was a woman, but I sincerely doubt it. In case you hadn't guessed, this fellow was most certainly trying to find nude pictures of David Hasselhoff. This disturbs me greatly. It's the think I most hate about my nickname. Hehoff is slightly questionable. Hoff is downright sketchy. It's unfortunate that the potential awesomeness of a name such as "Hehoff" could be tainted by something so skeezy as the Hasselhoff. What disturbs me most of all is that there are people who actually want to see the Hasselhoff naked. Who knows. Maybe they really did mean me, and they just wanted to see me naked. It could happen. I mean I am pretty incredible. Sadly, for those of you who do desire such a thing, I'm fairly confident Anna hasn't let any of those pictures leak. You can try though.
Anna's mother had to replace their washer and dryer. Sears delivered them today, but they said they could only deliver during a certain time slot (early afternoon). This conflicted with Anna's mother's work schedule. So Anna agreed to go over and sign for it when they arrived. I woke up this morning to a voicemail saying that Sears had rescheduled for 10-12. It was already 10:30. Anna had to hurry to get there before the delivery guys showed up. Apparently, they were jerks too. I'll go beat them up.
Daisy got to spend all day at the in-laws. She's a poopy puppy.
I do vaguely recall that yesterday evening I agreed to fill out a survey for Anna's sister. I am not really sure what she hopes to glean from the information. Much of it had to do with how will I could picture something in my mind's eye. As it turns out, I can't. Now, I have never been inside someone else's head in order to compare and contrast the ways our brains work, but I've always gotten the impression that people can picture things more clearly than I can. This just confirmed it. Most of the time I just know I am thinking about something without seeing it in my mind.
I shaved off my beard. I didn't mean too. The guard on my trimmer broke halfway through trimming. I didn't have a way to even it up, so I just shaved it all off.
I spent the afternoon walking around the woods near the in-laws' place, looking for deer sign. There wasn't as much as there was last year. I wonder if that has a lot to do with Hank (the dog) buzzing around the area. I might still have a chance there though. I'll at least put up a stand and sit a few times. If I don't see anything, I'll pursue finding another place to hunt.
I need to go to Wal-Mart tonight.
I think I'm going to get a couple steaks. I haven't had a good steak in awhile.
I've had a big craving for creamed eggs on toast. I think I'll make that after I get back from the store.
The last two of four loads of laundry should be done in the dryers now. I need to go get those.
Sexy Euro-style dark blue boxer briefs.
Anna's working on a Christmas program for the kids to do at Brown's Corner. I think she's actually going to write it herself. She even wrote a song today. It's about a dirty filthy rotten gentile pig (yes, a swine) that wants to see the baby Jesus. I think it sounds like it could be really awesome. Anna's the bomb diggity.
The top of my left foot itches.
I saw a commercial for this "Avatar" movie. It looks like the worst thing since socialism.
People who read this blog: Person searching for something along the lines of "Naked Hoff" (For your information Jana, I tried googling it and couldn't find it now, but I promise it happened. It's just been awhile.)
I hope this was a woman, but I sincerely doubt it. In case you hadn't guessed, this fellow was most certainly trying to find nude pictures of David Hasselhoff. This disturbs me greatly. It's the think I most hate about my nickname. Hehoff is slightly questionable. Hoff is downright sketchy. It's unfortunate that the potential awesomeness of a name such as "Hehoff" could be tainted by something so skeezy as the Hasselhoff. What disturbs me most of all is that there are people who actually want to see the Hasselhoff naked. Who knows. Maybe they really did mean me, and they just wanted to see me naked. It could happen. I mean I am pretty incredible. Sadly, for those of you who do desire such a thing, I'm fairly confident Anna hasn't let any of those pictures leak. You can try though.
Monday, November 2, 2009
Election Day Eve
So the most significant event of my Reformation Day happened just after I finished my last post. There was a knock on the door. I opened it up to find Sara, looking rather out of it. She explained that she had locked herself out of her apartment. I quickly grabbed my keys and headed after her. I was immensely confused when upon reaching her apartment Sara simply opened up the door and walked inside. I looked at her, and she started trying to tell me that she had a drunk friend over. She told me that she never did this, but her friend was drunk. I couldn't see how this tied in to her being/not being locked out of her apartment. I asked if there was anything I needed to do, and she said, "no, you did a good job." I think she might have been the drunk one.
I told you the Donkeys didn't stand a chance, not with that offense.
Mary came by the office today holding a large chunk of her toilet seat. "That's not good," I said. She wanted to know if it was her responsibility to fix it and pay for it. I assured her it wasn't. Sadly, she had already sent her son to the store for a new one. I just had her bring me the receipt and paid her in cash (from the laundry money) for the seat.
Alice happened to walk by while I was dealing with Mary and mentioned that her toilet seat was broken as well. After I got done with Mary, I went over to Alice's and discovered a toilet seat held together by duct tape. I cannot fathom why she didn't just ask me about it. I actually had the toilet seat leftover from when I switched one out in our bathroom. I just went ahead and installed that one for her.
As I've mentioned before, Bobbie comes by nearly every day to ask if "the mail done run yet?" I'm not sure what Bobbie's issue was today, but she seemed personally offended that the mailman hadn't "done run yet." It was only one o'clock or so (he's usually not there until three or four), but I could hear her muttering about how "he sure likes to take his sweet time."
Bobbie also wanted $20 in quarters today.
Someone left one of those U.S. maps with the holes for the state quarters in the Community Room. Daulton found this really exciting and asked if he could have it. Sadly, he also asked if he could keep it in my office or else his dad may steal his quarters.
It's the second of the month. Several people paid their rent today.
Daulton kept showing everyone his Halloween mask. It was this garishly red, plastic thing, somewhat like a cross between those "Scream" masks and a happy clown face. I'm not sure if it was supposed to be anything other than stupid.
Daulton also told me about his candy seeking exploits. He told me that at houses where people just left out bowls of candy he just dumped the whole bowl into his bag. There is no hope for this kid.
Charcoal gray boxer briefs.
We took Daisy (along with the leftover chili, guacamole, and a pound cake) over to the in-laws' place tonight. Daisy played with Hank. We ate chili, guacamole, and pound cake. I took a nap on the couch. Anna wore her boots. She looks really cute in her boots.
I've eaten way too many leftover Starbursts.
Is there anything more satisfying than dumping a whole package of Skittles into your mouths and feeling your teeth decay?
People who read this blog: Person googling "Dark Blue Boxers"
This was originally going to be about a person who googled "Brown's Corner Chapel," but that turned out to be Anna. Person who googled "Dark Blue Boxers" was not Anna. Dark Blue Boxers was from Brooklyn, New York. She was also likely a girl looking to read about sexy guys who wear dark blue boxers. She is most assuredly a model who happens to only be interested in curly headed 20-somethings with a degree in English who have dark blue boxers in their personal underwear collection. Reading our blog must have driven her wild. She is probably plotting Anna's demise as we speak. She cannot live with the idea that someone as perfect as I am is not with her. I'm sorry Dark Blue Boxers, but Anna's just too cute. I will not trade her in for some floozy who goes trolling the internet for men who wear dark blue boxers. You are a despicable woman. Your mother would be ashamed to know you had turned out this way, and your father is horrified that a daughter of his is prancing about the internet in such a disreputable manner. Your family is disappointed in you young lady, for strutting around half-naked for the world to see. Put some clothes on and eat a bacon cheeseburger, for crying out loud.
I told you the Donkeys didn't stand a chance, not with that offense.
Mary came by the office today holding a large chunk of her toilet seat. "That's not good," I said. She wanted to know if it was her responsibility to fix it and pay for it. I assured her it wasn't. Sadly, she had already sent her son to the store for a new one. I just had her bring me the receipt and paid her in cash (from the laundry money) for the seat.
Alice happened to walk by while I was dealing with Mary and mentioned that her toilet seat was broken as well. After I got done with Mary, I went over to Alice's and discovered a toilet seat held together by duct tape. I cannot fathom why she didn't just ask me about it. I actually had the toilet seat leftover from when I switched one out in our bathroom. I just went ahead and installed that one for her.
As I've mentioned before, Bobbie comes by nearly every day to ask if "the mail done run yet?" I'm not sure what Bobbie's issue was today, but she seemed personally offended that the mailman hadn't "done run yet." It was only one o'clock or so (he's usually not there until three or four), but I could hear her muttering about how "he sure likes to take his sweet time."
Bobbie also wanted $20 in quarters today.
Someone left one of those U.S. maps with the holes for the state quarters in the Community Room. Daulton found this really exciting and asked if he could have it. Sadly, he also asked if he could keep it in my office or else his dad may steal his quarters.
It's the second of the month. Several people paid their rent today.
Daulton kept showing everyone his Halloween mask. It was this garishly red, plastic thing, somewhat like a cross between those "Scream" masks and a happy clown face. I'm not sure if it was supposed to be anything other than stupid.
Daulton also told me about his candy seeking exploits. He told me that at houses where people just left out bowls of candy he just dumped the whole bowl into his bag. There is no hope for this kid.
Charcoal gray boxer briefs.
We took Daisy (along with the leftover chili, guacamole, and a pound cake) over to the in-laws' place tonight. Daisy played with Hank. We ate chili, guacamole, and pound cake. I took a nap on the couch. Anna wore her boots. She looks really cute in her boots.
I've eaten way too many leftover Starbursts.
Is there anything more satisfying than dumping a whole package of Skittles into your mouths and feeling your teeth decay?
People who read this blog: Person googling "Dark Blue Boxers"
This was originally going to be about a person who googled "Brown's Corner Chapel," but that turned out to be Anna. Person who googled "Dark Blue Boxers" was not Anna. Dark Blue Boxers was from Brooklyn, New York. She was also likely a girl looking to read about sexy guys who wear dark blue boxers. She is most assuredly a model who happens to only be interested in curly headed 20-somethings with a degree in English who have dark blue boxers in their personal underwear collection. Reading our blog must have driven her wild. She is probably plotting Anna's demise as we speak. She cannot live with the idea that someone as perfect as I am is not with her. I'm sorry Dark Blue Boxers, but Anna's just too cute. I will not trade her in for some floozy who goes trolling the internet for men who wear dark blue boxers. You are a despicable woman. Your mother would be ashamed to know you had turned out this way, and your father is horrified that a daughter of his is prancing about the internet in such a disreputable manner. Your family is disappointed in you young lady, for strutting around half-naked for the world to see. Put some clothes on and eat a bacon cheeseburger, for crying out loud.
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