Blizzard

I ate a Blizzard today. It was Oreo Cheesequake.
Daisy has been ripping open trash bags and strewing the contents about the apartment. Sadly, these are kitchen trash bags, that often hold pieces of rotten chicken and such. This makes the apartment very smelly.
I learned several things about Darbie yesterday. 1.) She spent five years in foster care. 2.) Her parents aren't supposed to see her ever. 3.) Her cousin was murdered on Sunday.
I baked some chocolate lava muffins for Anna last night (sorry Joel, you're missing out).
I'm utilizing the shiatsu massage thing right now.
Anna had piano lessons today.
I had to help George open his mail box today. He kept trying to stick his key the wrong way into the lock.
George's glasses are always so dirty that it's a wonder to me that he can see at all.
Gray.
We stopped by the in-laws' place after Anna's lesson. Daisy played with Hank. Lucy pouted.
The lawn care guy mowed today. It's amazing how much a freshly mowed lawn makes it feel a whole lot more like Spring than a lawn of equal greenness but unequal height.
I realized something yesterday. Spring in Indiana coincides with the calendar saying that it is now spring. This is not true in Colorado or Michigan. It won't really be spring there for another month. I'm not used to seeing flowers and green grass so early.
Out of curiosity, I looked at the forecast for Colorado Springs. 70 degrees tomorrow. Snow Friday.
Howie is sleeping on the futon again. Chief is again sleeping under it.
Daisy has taken to eating our kitchen rug.
I need a magic refrigerator by this desk that can never be emptied of AriZona Pomegranate Green Tea. Go. Invent this for me. Now.
The "experts" are predicting too many good things for the Rockies this year. This makes me nervous.
Our shower drain is badly clogged, and no amount of Liquid Plumber seems to be doing any good. I need to find a drain snake or something.
My hip feels like it needs to pop.
Tea is calling my name.
Today Anna told me, "you're stupid. Put on your pants." I felt like a retarded ten year old.

Ambulance and Police Car

Daisy shredded a roll of toilet paper on our bathroom floor today.
Howie is sleeping on the futon. Chief is sleeping under the futon.
George called 911 on Thursday because he thought someone had taken money out of his bank account. The operator couldn't understand him and sent an ambulance. It took the EMTs ten minutes to figure out that George was fine and wanted the police. I don't think George realized that they weren't the police. About ten minutes after the ambulance left, a police cruiser pulled up. They talked to George for quite a while, but I have no idea how much of what he said they understood.
After church, I made chicken tacos for Anna's parents. I marinated the chicken over night, and I thought the chicken itself turned out pretty well. The problem is, after eating Chipotle, everything just seems flat without some good rice and beans mixed in.
Blue.
Anna and I took Taylor (one of the church kids) to see "Alice in Wonderland" on Saturday. Taylor has been living in an apartment just up the street from us, and Anna figured we should do something with her since she was so close. The Columbus movie theater is not equipped to show movies in 3D, so we didn't get to experience the movie to the full effect. It look cool, but overall, my reaction was just "meh." It wasn't awful, but it certainly wasn't great. It wasn't paced very well.
Troy Tulowitzki is tearing it up with the bat during Spring Training. This is encouraging, but when I hear things like this, I always feel a little sick to my stomach. I just worry more that something will go wrong when the games start to matter.
I re-stocked on AriZona Pomegranate Green Tea yesterday, and I was going to bring a bottle in here to enjoy while I wrote to you, my faithful minions. Alas, I forgot to grab one. No one has ever led a more horrible life. I am a modern day Job.
I started coughing earlier, and it felt like my head exploded. I honestly thought I had blown some vessels in my forehead or had an aneurysm. The thing is, I'm not even exaggerating about this. It hurt, and my head still feels funny.
I took Daisy outside to potty. We've been leaving her out at night but still putting her up when we have to leave the apartment.
I learned this week that the reason Darbie lives with her grandmother is that her mother is in prison. Darbie didn't elaborate much, but it seems that her mother has been in prison much of Darbie's life.
The top of my right foot itches.
People who read this blog: Beverly Hills, California
We had a random visitor from Beverly Hills. I hope this person reads this blog, takes pity on me, and sends me millions of the dollars they obviously have if they live in Beverly Hills.

Lock-in

Anna is cheating on me with a six-year old boy.
On Thursday, Abby's music class went to see the Indianapolis symphony, and she asked Anna to come along as a chaperon. Anna seemed to really enjoy it.
Anna substituted on Friday. I think she had a good day.
Friday night was the lock-in. 29 kids came. It was a fiasco.
We built a fire out behind the church and let the kids play around outside until it got dark. Once it got dark, we roasted hot dogs and made s'mores.
After we were done eating, we all headed inside and the games commenced. We had the kids play things like flashlight hide and seek, sardines (reverse hide and seek), and underwear races (the kids climbed into triple extra large tighty whiteys back to back). The kids really enjoyed the hide and seek games. I think they enjoyed the underwear races, but I think we had more fun watching them.
For one of the games, the kids dipped marshmallows into syrup and tried to drop them into the open mouths of some of the adults. The thought of it makes me feel nauseous. For another game, we covered Oreos in whipped cream and had the kids try to eat them as fast as they could without using their hands.
There was one girl there that was absolutely obnoxious. When Anna would ask the kids to stop talking and listen, this girl would say things like "I'm not talking." When Anna was trying to give kids a chance to hide during hide and seek, this girl kept trying to go early. She talked back at every turn and did pretty much everything she could to disrupt what Anna had planned.
This girl, combined with the sheer number of kids, proved slightly overwhelming. As a result, we cut out a few games and activities and started showing movies earlier than we had first planned.
After the first movie was done, several kids decided they would rather keep playing games on their own than watch movies or sleep. So they headed downstairs and started playing around, while the rest kept watching movies.
Several of the kids asked if I would spin the Twister dial for them. While I was doing that a bunch of kids rushed into the basement, including a very proud looking Cade. The kids announced that Cade had kissed Anna. Cade confirmed this. Everyone wanted to know what I was going to do to her for cheating on me. I just started laughing.
Cade had fallen asleep pretty early in the night, but at some point, somebody woke him up. Upon waking up, he announced to Anna that he was about ready for breakfast. It was two in the morning. I don't know if this was before or after he kissed her.
By three or so in the morning, most all of the kids had gone to bed except for a group of four girls. They stayed up until close to five. Noah woke up during this period and walked around like a zombie for awhile.
Once all the kids were asleep, Anna and I sat in the sanctuary and watched movies. We knew we couldn't go to sleep because there were teenage girls and boys present.
At eight we started making breakfast. I fixed some pancakes. I don't know how many of the kids ate breakfast.
By ten, the kids were all gone.
By eleven, we had the church pretty well cleaned up, and Anna and I headed back home.
I slept from noon until 7:30. Anna was asleep for another hour after I woke up. We went to bed again at our usual bedtime, and I actually slept pretty well. On Sunday I was actually surprised how decent I felt.

In other news, Anna's guinea pig, Edith, died today. She lived a good long guinea pig life. I buried her with Anna's other pig, Edna. Anna is very sad.

Joel came to town

On Friday night, Project 86 was in Franklin with Flatfoot 56 and Wavorly. Naturally, I went. Ironsides was the local opener. They were fine. Wavorly was fine. Flatfoot 56 was crazy. Their band is comprised of the typical guitar, bass, and drums, plus the not-so-typical mandolin and bagpipes. The bagpiper even wore a kilt. They got the crowd moshing and convinced them to do a rather impressive circle pit. I was entertained.
Project 86 was excellent as always. They played another very different set than any that I had heard last year. "S.M.C." "Chimes" "Me Against Me" "Last Meal" and "One Armed Man (Play On)" all made it onto the set list after years in absence. This show also marked the first time I ever saw Project 86 without them playing "Stein's Theme." I was sure they were saving it for the encore, but five solid minutes of shouting "one more song" did not bring them back on stage. As it was, they played a thirteen song set. All of it was spectacular.
Anna had lunch with her friend Melissa on Saturday.
While Anna was having lunch with Melissa, I was meeting Joel in the parking lot at Wal-Mart. Originally, Joel was supposed to drive himself down, but events conspired so that he ended up riding down with his mother and sister (who were heading on to Louisville to see his aunt).
I introduced Joel to our apartment. I made hot wings. Joel met the animals. He seemed to be a big fan of Chief. Daisy seemed to be a big fan of Joel.
Joel agreed to go to Cincinnati with me to see Project 86 on Saturday night. The venue is called The Underground (not particularly original). I had never been there before and was very pleasantly surprised. On approach, I realized it was one of those venues that grew out of some mega-church wanting to build the biggest most impressively awesome youth center it could. Thus, though I am sure I would hate the church that built the place, I was thoroughly impressed by the place itself. It had two levels, complete with a coffee bar, a video game room, computers for internet access, clean bathrooms, pool tables, several video screens, and an excellent stage and sound system. It made for a great venue for a rock concert.
This was Joel's first true rock show. I think he enjoyed himself alright. He was probably amused by my antics up by the stage during Project's set.
For the opening acts, I stood in back with Joel, but for Project, I made my way up to the front of the stage. As I said, the sound was really good and helped make for an excellent show. At one point, Andrew knelt in front of me, looked me in the eye, and gave my shoulder a squeeze, and I thought to myself, "Self, when you write about this in your blog, it is going to sound so incredibly gay."
After the show, I said hi to Andrew. At this point, he certainly knows me by sight, and he mentioned the "nice little moment" we shared during the show. He also asked me how many shows this made for me. "Twelve," I said. "You're still an amateur," he replied. Don't worry. He was kidding.
Joel, Anna, and I all spent the weekend at Anna's parents' house. It just allowed Joel to have a room to himself, where there wouldn't be animals all over him. Though the whole no animal theory didn't hold strictly true, seeing as Hank drug Joel's toothbrush around the house and tried to eat his medication.
On Saturday, I got tricked into to teaching teenage Sunday School. I don't know if I mentioned this before, but there is this family that had been going to Brown's Corner. The father taught the teenage Sunday School. When Anna's dad became the pastor, he started leaving church after Sunday School so that his family wouldn't sit under a non-Baptist's preaching. He informed Anna's father that God hadn't told him that he could leave the church yet but that he couldn't let his family listen to Anna's father preach. Apparently this past week, God finally told him that he could leave the church.
Now I am teaching Sunday school. It's alright I guess. Anna will do the children's church stuff, and I'll do teenage Sunday School.
On Sunday morning, I had my class (which is pretty much just two girls) give me ideas for what they wanted to learn. I'll try to make the class as awful as possible for them.
Joel, Anna, and I spent most of Sunday just hanging out.
On Monday, we felt it necessary to right a wrong. Joel had never had Chick-fil-a. We fed him Chick-fil-a. His reaction was two-fold. He was very grateful for experiencing it, and he was very sad that there are none near him in Michigan. He particularly enjoyed his char-grilled sandwich.
Joel had to meet his mother at five Monday night, so that he could go down to Louisville and see his aunt as well. By the time we got back to Anna's house from Chick-fil-a, we really needed to be hitting the road again to go meet Joel's mother, but I wanted Joel to have one last new experience before he left. So I got out my handgun and introduced Joel to the wonders of firearms. Joel actually proved to be a decent shot for his first time. Due to the time constrains, he only got to shoot a couple clip-fulls, but he did manage to hit the target several times.
When we got in the car to go meet Joel's mother, Anna was convinced we would be ten or fifteen minutes late. But I will have you know that we pulled off the interstate at our exit at 5:01 p.m. And in fact, the map we had used to decide where to meet had lied about there being an A&W at that exit, so Joel's mother went off in the wrong direction looking for the missing restaurant, and thus, we ended up having to call her and tell her where we were.
I should mention this. While Joel was transferring his bags from our car to his mother's, his aunt found it necessary to start showing Anna all the shoes she had just purchased while shopping. I have no idea why. I also inferred from some comments made by Joel's mother that the part of Joel becoming a lawyer that makes her the most pleased is how good he looks in suits.
People who read this blog: Person from Russia
Someone from Russia has visited our blog several times. I don't know how they are finding it. As far as I can tell, they aren't googling anything. I really don't know. So this is a shout out to my mysterious Russian reader. You know who you are. How's mother Russia treating you? Give Putin a kick in the balls for me.

New Slave

I have a new slave. Her name is Darbie. She is named after her father. Her father is Big Darbie, and she is Little Darbie.
The exterminator came today and sprayed the apartments.
Daisy is getting better at holding it.
I burned my arm the other day. I had forgotten about it, but it just started to itch. Now that I look at it, I have a pretty good mark going on.
Anna is playing the piano. She signed up to take piano lessons again with the woman who first started teaching Anna when she was just a wee little tyke.
Joel is apparently a ninja-lawyer. This does not surprise me.
Joel is also apparently coming down to see us this weekend while he is on spring break from law school.
I get to see Project 86 Friday and Saturday night. I think Joel is coming with me on Saturday night. He might even like it. One of the opening bands is of the celtic-punk persuasion, which seems right up his alley.
The Restart guy brought Darbie by for the first time yesterday. She's fourteen. She was expelled for beating up another girl. She likes dancing. She wants to be a pediatrician.
Blue.
I folded four loads of laundry while listening to Project 86. Anna laughed at my head-banging.
Mike didn't come by to pay his rent today. I saw him late tonight. I'm guessing he'll be by tomorrow.
The month of March is just a long waiting game until April finally arrives with the glories of the MLB regular season.
People who read this blog: Person who Google blog searched "Anna and Jon"
Some random Pennsylvanian did a Google blog search of "Anna and Jon." I can only suppose that they are a retarded female. Why would anyone think "Anna and Jon" was a specific enough search to get any meaningful results?

200th post

The sad thing about this being the 200th post is that I'm now realizing had I spent all this time writing fiction I'd pretty much have a novel by now.
The head of the Restart program came by yesterday to inform me that he would probably be moving Jerry to the afternoon class. He said he was having chemistry issues in the classes and needed to make some changes. He informed me I'd likely be getting a new slave next week. I think he said this one might be a girl. I'd feel really bad bossing a girl around.
I felt bad for George today. Rent was due yesterday, but he hadn't paid yet. When I asked him about it, he tried to pay in cash. I told him once again (this has happened a few times) that I can only take checks or money orders. I said it would be alright as long as he managed to get me a money order tomorrow. I guess he found a ride today though because he came into my office about an hour later with his money order. Except he reversed two of the numbers on the money order, so he was $18 short. "Oh, @#$%," was his response as he drooled all over my desk. I just asked him if he had twenty bucks, which he did. So I took it, gave him his change, and will just deposit the cash and the money order at the same time. The biggest thing is that I have a money order I can photocopy for our records.
Bonnie is officially giving up her apartment. She is going to stay in Florida with her daughter and receive her cancer treatment there.
One of Bonnie's daughters had been "house-sitting" for her mother (and by "house-sitting" of course I mean "squatting"). I was assured that the apartment would be vacated and cleaned three weeks ago. It wasn't. I called the daughter in Florida (with whom I had been dealing), and I informed her that it wasn't vacated. She assured me that it should have been and that anything left there was from some unknown vagrant. I didn't really believe this, but all I could do was clean out the apartment myself. She also told me that she had no idea where the keys to the apartment were.
I went into the apartment on Monday to have a look around before I sent Jerry in to start working on emptying it out. It's a good thing I did because in the bathroom, I found my first copy of Penthouse, all wrinkled and crusty and gross. I didn't want to touch the thing, but not only would it have been wrong for me to have Jerry be the one to get rid of it, it would have been illegal. After I got rid of the magazine, I examined the rest of the apartment to make sure there were no more surprises waiting for Jerry. Together, we ended up hauling out almost a dumpster full of garbage. The stuff was already in bags, but it would seem that once they bagged up the garbage they were just storing it in the closet.
The kicker of all of this is that on Tuesday Jerry and I went back into haul out the furniture that had been left behind, only to find that everything else was gone, and someone had left the keys on the kitchen counter.
I made "chocolate lava muffins" tonight. They were pretty chocolaty, even if they weren't particularly lava-ey. I don't know if they turned out the way they were supposed to or not, since I had never actually had them and was just going by a recipe. Anna liked them though.
Anna found a recipe for a banana milk drink the other day. She thought it looked good. I thought it sounded like the most disgusting thing ever. I made her some. She liked it. I was grateful I didn't have to try any.
Spring Training brings joy to my soul. Everyone seems to think the Rockies will be contenders this year. I prefer to start the season assuming that they will suck and waiting to be proven wrong.
My brother has an eye infection that hurts enough for the doctors to prescribe him vicodin. This seems very much like overkill to me. Are doctors prescription happy or what?
To keep Daisy from chewing up our shoes, Anna and I have been scattering handfuls of rawhide strips at a time around the apartment. She goes crazy if she doesn't have those things. I think I might have to start investing in whatever company makes them. I have a feeling we are going to spend a fortune on those things before all is said and done.
Blue boxers.
There are certain things that go wrong around the apartment that make me feel stupid when I can't fix them then call someone in to fix them and see how easy it really was. Yesterday is a perfect example. Bobbie's kitchen sink (garbage disposal side) was clogged. I tested the garbage disposal and could tell it worked. I poured a whole bunch of drain cleaner done the drain, but that did absolutely nothing. The drain didn't drain at all. Everything just sat there. I got out a plunger and tried to plunge it. Nothing. So I called the plumber. When he came, he looked at the problem and said, "this will be easy." He then asked for a plunger. I gave him the plunger. He turned on the garbage disposal and plunged. It cleared right up. How was I to know that having the disposal on while I plunged would help?
Beulah was in the office to pay her rent the other day, and she asked "How's your wife?" I replied, "Well, she's got a pretty bad cold." "That's good."