I've been torturing myself for the past week. In an effort to understand my youth group better, I've tuned the radio to the local CCM stations. Like I said: torture. My kids think Casting Crowns are the epitome of artistic expression. They tried to tell me the other day that some girl named Jamie Grace had a great song. I've almost given up hope.
In my masochistic sessions, I've noticed four horsemen of the music apocalypse. Not every song on CCM radio has all four of these (it's shocking how many do), but I think you'd be hard pressed to find a song on K-Love that doesn't include at least one of these elements. That doesn't guarantee every song is bad, but so far I have only heard one song that prompted me to think "this doesn't suck." That song possessed only one of the following signs of suckitude.
1. Acoustic guitar. The instrument itself is not flawed. It's the "musicians" playing them. They do nothing interesting and exist purely to keep the songs from being a cappella. The three chord progression worship song is a stereotype, but it's so true.
2. Bland percussion. Like the acoustic guitar, the drummer isn't a real musician. He's just there to supply a steady beat. I have never ever heard a CCM song with a drummer who sounds like he is enjoying himself.
3. Random strings. This is the one that I had never noticed before, but I was astounded by how many songs had random little bits of strings added in. I think the producers hear the songs and think: "This sucks. How can I disguise the fact that this sucks? I know. I'll throw a violin and a cello into the mix, and people will be fooled into believing there are actual musicians in this song."
4. The spiritual equivalent of watered down milk. You can't have anything spiritually challenging on Christian radio. I know who the target audience of Christian radio is. I'm not dumb. I'm not sure Christian radio knows its target audience. Christians are not edified by songs that say nothing but "Jesus is God. Yay." And non-Christians would never ever hear those words and think "Hey, you're right. Jesus is God. I want to be a Christian."
I realized this week that the worst offender of all is Third Day. And I hold Third Day responsible for the deplorable state of Christian music. CCM was never good, but it jumped the shark (or nuked the fridge) when Third Day came out with a "worship album." Do I even need to explain what has happened since? Make a joyful noise unto the wallet of the Christian music industry. Third Day is so bad that I think they are controlled by Satan. Their success can be explained no other way. Satan wants Christians to stagnate. He wants non-Christians to stay non-Christians. Is there any more musically effective way of assuring this than Third Day?
Third Day is the CCM equivalent of Nickelback.
Tim Tebow.
It turns out that I'm wearing the same underwear I was the last time I blogged. I haven't worn them between. Maybe if I wore them more often I would blog more often.
Why do I get so itchy while blogging?
I'm not entirely sure what's happening for Thanksgiving. It's kind of snuck up on me. I'm guessing I'm doing the cooking. I might try to deep fry a turkey this year. I might also try to burn down the county.
The thing about having a newer car is that you always make sure to flick your boogers out the window.
I made some chili this week with venison. Anna's mom won't eat it. It hurts my feelings. Ok, it doesn't really. I think it's kind of funny.
I can see the moon from where I sit. It's not quite half-full. There's a sheen of clouds over it and the tips of tree tops in the way. It's rather eerie.
Sleep number beds must be awful for sex. There's got to be a ridge down the center of those that would just kill.
Has Drew Barrymore been in anything besides Covergirl commercials lately?
Yes, the TV is on while I write this.
Thinking about the immensity of space makes me queasy.
Anna and I use Redbox a lot, and we've used it to see a ton of movies recently. Yesterday, we watched The Green Lantern and today we saw The Tree of Life. The Green Lantern was meh. The Tree of Life was beautiful but overdone.
We've been working on our Christmas play at church. If we can get the kids to slow down and enunciate their lines, I think the church will find it hilarious.
Now playing:
Band-- Switchfoot
Album-- Vice Verses
Genre-- Pop Rock
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