Blame Anna

Something.
Something else.
Something else entirely.
Something related to the previous something, elaborating on that something.
Something loosely related via train-of-thought to the previous something.
Something about a four-legged being.
Something else about a four-legged being.
Something sports related.
Something about bodily functions.
Something made up based on stereotypes of people from a certain geographical location.

Anna here.

So, as it turns out, for a number of really icky reasons, the subbing stuff completely fell apart leaving one very, very sad Anna. I was actually really getting to like those guys. But such is life. I had two great weeks with them, anyway. :)

Seeing as how the subbing thing doesn't appear to be working out, I think I'm going to write children's stories. The first one is about the terrifying things they do to you at the dentist when the doors are closed and your mommy can't come in and save you. All the art will be drawn by my left hand. Just kidding.

Heavy Metal

Bobbie asked for $30 in quarters yesterday.
Daisy had diarrhea for several days last week. She's pooping normal now though.
I have internet in the office now. That's nice.
Anna substituted for two weeks at the middle school. Her last day was yesterday.
I helped her come up with a unit on the history of metal for one of her classes. The last day of the unit was today, meaning the substitute that started today had to play several music videos of varying metal bands to the class in order to illustrate the different sub-genres of modern metal. The thought of this classically trained sub presenting death, thrash, and metalcore to a bunch of middle schoolers makes me feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside.
Coming up with a unit on metal with Anna made me both happy and sad. I was happy that we were corrupting these kids, but I realized as we did it just how much we were having to skip over. Metal should at the very least be an entire semester course, not a week long unit of study.
Troy Tulowitzki homered again tonight. It would seem that he is finally coming around.
A lady who applied for an apartment a few months ago but was rejected because she told me she was 58 (you have to be 62), came back in today. Now she is telling me that she is really 62, and she was just lying to me before because she thought you had to be under 62 to live here. She told me she lost her drivers license so she couldn't prove her age. I let her fill out an application, but I told her that she would need to bring me a drivers license to be able to get the apartment. I even explained that all her information would have to be verified. She didn't seem phased.
Alice came by yesterday to tell me that her garbage disposal wasn't working. I messed with it and got it to start, but it made a horrible noise. So I stopped it and got a flashlight to look inside. There's a penny stuck in it. I'm going to have to take the whole thing apart to get the penny out.
Someone from church gave Anna's parents some liver. Anna's mom won't touch the stuff, so I fixed it tonight for her father. I'd never cooked liver before (I'd never actually tasted it before), but I guess it turned out edible. I wasn't bothered by the taste, but it just seemed really mealy.
Anna's sister graduated from college this month. We had a graduation party at her parent's house. I grilled burgers. Sarah thinks she is a vegetarian so I grilled bean patties for her.
Noah was baptized after church on Sunday. I hope he really understood it.
Bobbie came by the other day hopping mad. Someone had given her a Canadian quarter. She tried to use it to do laundry, but the machine wouldn't accept it. Naturally, this led Bobbie to conclude that everything that ever went wrong with the washers was due to Canadian quarters.
People who read this blog: Perverts
There are still people coming to this blog because of the GGW in NV. I feel weird about this.

Anna.

Hoffer is a beast at blogging. I, on the other hand, am not. I am, however, a beast at being tall, so you can still feel free to be jealous.

JANA- I like your pictures on your blog. Lots. That is all.

So I took what I thought was going to be a 2 week position at a middle school where I've been filling in for a friend who is on maternity leave. As it turns out, I'll be staying until the end of school which is pretty cool. I'll be getting teacher's pay for 1 1/2 weeks which is significantly better than substitute pay. Looks like the Explorer will be able to get completely fixed now.

Subbing at the middle school is pretty tough, actually. There's so much drama. Sooo many girls crying who want to sit in the office to cool off. There are 3 girls in the building who are pregnant. Two are 7th graders and one is an 8th grader. It's very different from the elementary schools I've been subbing at, but it can be a lot of fun, too. They started naming random objects in the room. The wall is Wallace, the floor is Floorace, the door is Doorace, etc. They named me "Lois" because I'm low. Ha. So I started giving them old people names. I hope I don't die in the next 2 1/2 weeks.

I also found out I may be babysitting for my favorite 5 year old all summer. I won't know for sure for awhile, but I hope this works out. He's gonna wear me out, but I think we'll have tons of fun. I plan on going on tons of fun trips with my little pal, Cade. He says things like, "Anna, I believe I should go hunt an elephant," and "I'm a real cowboy!" Awesome.

Well, I really should start grading more tests so I don't have a freakout Monday morning when I don't have them to pass out. No wonder my friend (and their teacher) gave them so many free points. All of them would fail with the exception of 2 or 3 people. Someone got a 5%. That's with them having the study guide knowing that it contains the test questions. Oh well.

Hope the weekend is treating you all amazingly.

Mother's Day

I made a breakfast for the residents yesterday. I made pancakes, bacon, and a fruit salad. Someone complained that there wasn't any sausage. They can bite me.
Bobbie is craaaazy.
I'm getting internet in the office. The modem should arrive tomorrow.
The kids sang a song this morning for the mothers. The mothers cried. The kids gave the mothers "roses" composed of Hershey Kisses, cellophane, and wire. The mothers cried. Anna and I handmade the "roses." We cried.
We ate dinner with Anna's parents. Then we tried to go see Anna's grandmother, but she wasn't home. That made it the best Mother's Day that Anna and her mom ever had.
People at church keep telling us we need to have kids. People aren't even asking anymore. They are just telling. Some are even telling us they are praying for it.
Anna will be substituting for a maternity leave for the next two weeks. The school apparently didn't know this until a half hour ago. Anna had to tell them.
Chief is sitting on the floor watching me, but his body is facing the other way. That just seems uncomfortable.
How can the Rockies let Jimenez get his first loss in a game where he gave up only one run on two hits in seven innings?
Anna's grandmother Carol (the final wife of Anna's maternal grandfather) came up from Tennessee yesterday. Anna's mother, aunt, cousin, and I all had lunch with her at Texas Roadhouse. I ate a country fried steak.
I still need to call my mother and wish her a happy greeting card holiday.

Never Again

I will never post again, or maybe I will.
Some of the kids at church made us a card and had the other kids sign it. It was nice.
I grilled chicken thighs tonight. Half of them I seasoned Mexican style and the other half I marinated in teriyaki sauce and basted in a sweet chili sauce while they grilled.
It has been raining quite a bit.
Our rose bush is in bloom. It has at least four full blooms at the moment and another fifteen or so coming.
The Rockies are somewhat of a mess right now.
I never did comment on the Broncos' draft, did I? Well this is my comment. Time will tell about Tebow. My problem with the pick is the timing. Everyone in the universe, except apparently Josh McDaniels, thought that Clausen and McCoy were better prospects than Tebow. So why on earth was it necessary to trade back into the first round to select him? And forget the fact that we can look back and see how far Clausen and McCoy dropped. If Tebow really had to be McDaniels' pick then all he had to do was wait until at least Clausen was drafted before he needed to be nervous about another team taking Tebow. AND WHY IN THE WORLD DID WE TRADE FOR BRADY QUINN?
As far as the rest of the draft goes, did McDaniels watch his team play last year? If so, why did it take him something like five picks before he selected a defensive player?
For the first time since we moved into this apartment, I am washing our dishes in the Community Room's dishwasher. It just seemed a waste that it never got used.
Anna is preparing the children for Mothers' Day by teaching them a song to sing on Sunday morning. She also had them plant some flowers a couple weeks ago, and today, they painted flower pots that they will transplant their flowers into for Sunday as well.
Chief Moses Puddington Chestertonfieldville won't leave me alone (I've decided that I should always refer to him by his full name because to not do so would be an injustice to his awesomeness).
I shaved my beard. Anna thinks I look like my dad now.
Speaking of my father, he managed to get another turkey a couple weeks ago. He's thinking about going back out and trying to get a second one before the season ends. I'd like to shoot one myself, and I know exactly where to find them. Unfortunately, I can't get permission on either piece of property.
I think I shall go have some chocolate milk.
People who read this blog: a bunch of perverts
I'm pretty sure that at least ten different people have found this blog by googling the GGW incident. Most visitors have been from NV, but there have been others from various parts of Indiana. They probably aren't really perverts. I'm guessing most of them are curious to figure out if anyone they know ended up on the bus. Or maybe they are just verifying that it actually happened. In same ways, the GGW bus going to NV is like AOL naming Columbus one of the ten must see places in the U.S. It's all just mind-boggling.

Various Things

It's been too long since my last post. I can't remember anything that has happened. I can't even remember what I wrote about last time, and I am far too lazy to go read my last entry.
I vaguely remember Katie coming to the office to tell me that George's door wasn't working right. She was referring to his front door which happened to be working just fine, but I did notice that his pantry door was out of track. I put it back in for him. He seemed baffled that anything could be done about it.
I also remember that at some point last week I was at the in-laws' house when I got a very angry sounding call from James' eldest daughter. She was upset that James' air conditioner was out again. I told her that I was not in town at the moment and would not be able to do anything until the morning. This just made her more upset. Fortunately, I was able to get back to the apartment around eight that night, and I stopped by his apartment to check out the problem. The air conditioner was definitely broken. I called the repairman first thing in the morning. It turns out a part was just blown, completely unrelated to the previous problem. It took him about five minutes to fix it.
I was sitting in the office at some point this week when I saw a stretcher wheeling someone into the building. That seemed odd. Usually, they wheel people out. The especially wheel people out who they have covered in a blanket like they are dead. As it turns out, it was Bobbie. She wasn't dead. Instead, she had been forced to go to the hospital that morning in her nightgown which somehow she had bleed through, so they were kind enough to give her a ride back and escort her into her apartment to save her dignity.
Later that same day, Bobbie came storming into the office hopping mad. The first thing she did was demand the number for who to complain to in Bloomington. She assured me that Susie (her power of attorney) was going to raise Hell. It took a couple minutes before I could even ask her why. The answer: "I never get to do my warshin'." According to Bobbie, the laundry room is always in use. So naturally I asked her if anyone was using it at the moment. Well no, she admitted. Then she tried to tell me that she'd been sick for two weeks and hadn't been able to do her "warshin'." My guess is then that when she did finally try to do her laundry someone happened to be using it. But Bobbie wasn't done. She then took off into a rant about how she was about to bleed to death that morning, and no one would answer the door to help her. I don't know what was wrong with her, but I do know that I'd be surprised if anyone answered the door to her banging on it at four or five in the morning.
George's insurance agent came to see him this week. She had been with him for awhile when she rushed into my office on the brink of tears telling me that someone was stealing George's money. George was telling her that someone was writing checks in his name. She wanted to know if I knew anything about it. I didn't really know what to say. She told me that he needed to go see the police and that she would take him the next day. When she left, George came into the office and essentially told me the same thing she did. He said someone was taking money out of his account and writing checks in his name. He said that he didn't know who it would be. His insurance agent came back the next day to take him to the police and the bank, and they were gone for awhile. When they came back, she stopped back in the office to tell me that George had been the one writing the checks the whole time. What I don't know is 1) if George really had been hiding the fact that he was writing the checks and confessed when pressed 2) if George forgot about writing the checks or 3) George knows who is writing the checks and is protecting them from the police (as is his history with his floozies).
Jon, you nailed it. I've had all sorts of visitors to this blog because I mentioned the whole "Girls Gone Wild" thing. But they weren't just searching the GGW. They were specifically searching the fiasco in NV. There were several hits from NV itself and even some from other cities like Bloomington. Anna's guess is that the Bloomington hit is an IU student from NV. All of this makes it relatively likely that Anna might even know some of these people. Or as Anna said, it means that at the very least she knows someone who knows each and every one of these people. Bunch of perverts here in southern Indiana.

Often

George walked into the office this week carrying a year old cable bill. I couldn't understand what he was asking me. All I could do was tell him that the bill was a year old. He came back about fifteen minutes later with an up to date phone bill. I looked at it and saw that not only was he up to date on payment but he had a $9 credit on his account. I told him this, and he seemed just as confused as when he came in in the first place. He left shaking his head. I have no idea what that was all about.
Bobbie is paranoid. She'd said and done things before that should have clued me in, but it really occurred to me this week just how paranoid she is. I think I probably mentioned this last summer, but one of the first things Bobbie ever told me was about "that Mexican over there in the trailer park dressin' in women's clothes and lookin' in my window." I know I mentioned how she had rolled up paper and stuffed it in her peephole. She's afraid people are spying on her through it. This week she came to me and went off on one of her long multiply tangential rants about everything under the sun, but in the midst of all the nonsense, I noticed her again focusing on the idea that people are wanting to look in on her through her bedroom window.
Aw-fun or Awf-tun? It grates on me when people abuse the English language, but I should admit a dialectical bias when I decide who I believe to be correct. Naturally, everyone from Colorado is right. So lately, I've been noticing every time I hear someone pronounce "often" sans the "t" sound. I don't do this. The "t" is in the word so it should be pronounced. There is no such thing as a silent "t" in this type of construction. But then Anna tells me that in voice lessons she was instructed to sing "often" without the "t" sound. I thought to myself, "self, how can educated people instruct their students to abuse the English language so?" But, I reasoned, this is the same voice teacher who pronounces "larynx" as "lair-in-ix." I tried to forget about it, but I couldn't escape people saying "awfun." So I looked it up, and to my surprise, the preferred pronunciation in the dictionary is "aw-fun." How could this be?!?! This is wrong! I did more reading. It turns out that the "t" was lost sometime between the 15th and 17th centuries as speakers got lazy. The lazy intellectuals of the 17th century decided that was alright by them so "aw-fun" became standard. When people in the 19th rediscovered the concept of spelling, they also rediscovered the "t" in "often." I suppose that it makes sense then for classically trained singers to sing "aw-fun" because that's how the composers of those songs heard it, but any pedant who tries to tell me that "awf-tun" is incorrect will get a swift kick in the balls.
Apparently Darbie hardly sleeps at night. She looks half dead each time she comes into the office so I've taken to asking her when she went to bed. Most nights as it turns out, she doesn't go to bed until three or four in the morning, and she has to get up at five to make the bus. I guess she does most of her sleeping on the bus ride to and from school.
Two more toilet paper rolls can be chalked up to Daisy's casualty list.
Our car has started to really idle funny this week. I took it to Autozone so they could get the computer readout from the car. It turns out that we have a bad O2 sensor. For those of you unfamiliar with an O2 sensor, it monitors the amount of oxygen in the exhaust system of the car and determines from this information what the mix of fuel and air should be in the engine. With the sensor out, the mix in the engine is off and ta-da, a sputtering engine. Hopefully, I can take it in on Monday.
I'm hungry.
Daisy has a nasty looking scabbed over spot on her neck, under her chin. I think we're going to have to stick her in a "cone of shame" until it heals.
Yesterday was tax day. Boo.
On Wednesday, Jennings County was filled with excitement over the arrival of the "Girls Gone Wild" bus in North Vernon. Facebook was filled with all sorts of commentary on the subject. Status updates ranged from fears that certain people's own mothers might end up on video to those wondering if they were doing a special series of "Meth-heads Gone Wild" to those who were tempted to buy this particular video just to see of they graduated with anyone on it. The general consensus was that North Vernon was about the stupidest place for the bus to go and expect to find attractive girls willing to expose themselves. My personal theory is that they are going for the corruption of mid-western goody two-shoes farm girls angle after spending so long on the beaches of California and Florida.
People who read this blog: Some random person from Brazil.
Since the only thing I know about Brazil is that it is full of transvestites, I can only assume that our visitor was a tranny. I have to wonder then what a transvestite might have found of interest in our blog. The imagination runs wild.

Fish

Anna sang at Bob's funeral on Thursday (Noah, Abby, and Elizabeth's grandfather). He had requested that Anna and her father sing the songs "Jesus, Lover of My Soul" and "Heaven." Anna didn't know "Heaven" so her dad sang that one alone.
The family cried during the funeral, but aside from that, I was very surprised at how upbeat everyone was. On the surface at least, they appeared to be at peace with his death and fully possessed with "the peace that passes all understanding." I wish I had faith like that.
Cade's parents were trying to make him understand what had happened to Bob, and apparently, he didn't quite seem to understand. But when they told him they were going to his funeral, Cade did offer up this little tidbit of wisdom, "Well, Bob won't have to pray anymore. Now he can just go talk to Jesus."
Anna's fish, Con, died the other day. I don't know if any of you remember Con. Anna got her during her sophomore year, but she kept the fish at her parent's house when she lived in Delta.
I've noticed something about Indiana pot-lucks (or as they call it, "pitch-ins"). Hoosiers eat a lot of yellow food. Everything is full of cheese or corn. There are usually multiple mac & cheese offerings and various corn breads and cheesy potato dishes. I told Anna that we don't see that much yellow food in Colorado. Sure, we make corn bread but only when we eat chili. Sure, we might add cheese to mashed potatoes occasionally, but that's not the only way we eat them. Sure, mac & cheese exists, but only kids eat it. Yes, we always have deviled eggs, but we never ever ever has as many different deviled egg offerings as I see here.
Speaking of food. Anna's parents had several people from church over for lunch on Sunday. I made a cheesecake. We ate food. We digested food. Everyone was entertained watching Hank play fetch.
On Wednesday, I had just gotten done in the office when my phone started ringing. It was my boss. She was outside the front door of the building and needed me to let her in. I had no idea she was coming. She told me that she was in the area and thought she'd stop by. I'm not sure that's entirely true. Perhaps she was afraid that I was running some sort of illegal operation out of the complex?
She walked around the building and took note of different things that could be cleaned up a bit. She also told me that they had been getting more complaints from someone saying that her mother's porch light was out and that I wouldn't fix it. The problem with that is that the residents have control over their porch lights, and if they don't come and tell me one is out, I have no way of knowing whether or not they have it turned on.
I made chicken fried steak tonight.
Blue.
I need to take a shower.
Daisy has eaten three rolls of toilet paper in the past week. She also continues to destroy the kitchen rug. She is a bad bad dog.
Chief is in his customary spot under the futon.
The Rockies are 3-3 after one week of baseball. They could easily be 5-1. There's a saying in baseball that you can't win the division in April, but you sure can lose it. It's games like the 14 inning loss the other night that could come back to haunt us.
ESPN has the Rockies 14th in its power rankings. I'm okay with that. They haven't looked as good as they should. They have certainly made far more errors that are acceptable.
The Rockies play the Reds in Cincinnati in June. I'd like to catch two out of three of those games.
We got a stake to tie Daisy outside when we sit out there. I like sharing a pleasant evening with my wife on our patio.
You have no idea how glad I am that baseball has returned. No only can I root for the Rockies again, but I can stand to watch ESPN. I can't wait until basketball and hockey are gone. But then again, that means that it'll be the soccer world cup which is going to be awful.
Do you like soccer? You are a loser. Soccer is beyond stupid. I hate you.
Don't you guys miss Anna posting in this blog? Please leave a comment to encourage her to start posting again.

Leftover Candy

Anna met Darbie today. She brought Daisy along. Daisy likes anyone who will pet her.
Darbie kept falling asleep in her chair. If Anna and I weren't directly talking to her she'd start dozing off.
Due to the third (the day most residents pay their rent) falling on a Saturday, I had to collect most tenants' rent yesterday.
When Beulah was in to pay her rent, she wanted to know if Bobbie had been talking to me about her. I guess she's afraid Bobbie is trying to get her kicked out of the apartment because she has a foul mouth. But Beulah assured me, "I haven't been cussin' that much. I just cuss when I need to."
James' physical therapist called 911 for him today. It sounds to me like he might have had a small stroke. The paramedics wheeled him out of the building on a gurney.
The Rockies are currently down to the Brewers 3-4. If they don't win this game, their entire season will be ruined.
I'm so happy that baseball has returned. Now I can stand to watch ESPN again.
Anna and I went to Rural King tonight and bought a stake and a chain so we don't have to hold onto Daisy's leash when we sit outside.
We also got some Frontline for her. She gets fleas from spending time with Hank and Lucy.
We gave her a bath last night, but she still smells like the pond.
Now the game is 3-5. Our season is doomed.
Remember that kids that Anna and I took to the zoo and the children's museum? Their grandfather died last night. He and his wife have been friends of Anna's parents for years. It was completely expected, and at this point, it was more of a relief to the family than anything. He had been given six months to live two years ago. Fortunately, he stayed in pretty decent health (for a dying man) up until the last month or two.
The funeral is Thursday. They want Anna and her father to sing a song.
I had a dream that I was staying in a house that was next to the landing strip of a super secret military base, and top secret planes kept landing there at night. One plane even crashed right next to the house and was quickly surrounded by special agents.
Bobbie came by the office today and said that I hadn't given her the receipt for her rent. I distinctly remembered giving it to her, but I wrote her out a new one anyway. She came back fifteen minutes later to tell me that she had found the one I gave her yesterday.
Anna and I were telling Darbie about George's floozies when, right on cue, two very creepy looking ladies came to see him. I had never seen this particular pair before, but they thoroughly reinforced my belief that real prostitutes are never as pretty as they are in the movies.
It's still 3-5, but the Rockies appear to be rallying. Unfortunately, I'm done writing in here, so you my faithful readers and (of course) fellow Rockies fans shall just have to check for yourself what happens.

Good Friday

It is not "happy" Friday, but it is "good."
Daisy decided to experiment with eating horse crap yesterday.
I closed the office today.
Yesterday, George gave me a money order for rent with the tens and ones spots reversed. So instead of 97, it said 79. He came by tonight with twenty bucks to cover the eighteen he still owed.
My mom tells me that Kirsten is already planning her wedding. I guess this does make some sense though they aren't planning on getting married until they graduate (in two more years). I just feel weird about it. To me Kirsten is still fourteen like she was when I was a senior in high school and still at home.
Kirsten is dating an Oompa Loompa or just a really short guy who tries to compensate for his vertical deficiency by working out all the time. Sadly, Kirsten believes that all this working out has made her man stronger than her own brother. She just doesn't understand that no matter how strong he is, at his height it is anatomically impossible for him to be as strong as I am. I am tempted to crush him, just so Kirsten can find a boyfriend who shows fewer teeth when he smiles.
I guess Kirsten has big ideas for her wedding. In fact it sounds like just renting a place for the reception might cost more than our entire wedding combined.
This is a shout out to Jana. She is sick right now. Even though she is an evil communist, I would like you all to pray that she gets better.
I need to replace the bulb in our right brake lamp. I have the bulbs. I just keep forgetting.
There was a come-and-go communion service at the church tonight. In total, six people came to take communion.
Today I walked through the hallway just after Katie had passed by, and I was again astounded by how the scent of cigarette smoke can hang in the air.
Random people still visit this blog. The problem is I am not sure how some of them are finding it, so I don't know what to say about them. And I am too lazy tonight to try to create something out of thin air.

Blizzard

I ate a Blizzard today. It was Oreo Cheesequake.
Daisy has been ripping open trash bags and strewing the contents about the apartment. Sadly, these are kitchen trash bags, that often hold pieces of rotten chicken and such. This makes the apartment very smelly.
I learned several things about Darbie yesterday. 1.) She spent five years in foster care. 2.) Her parents aren't supposed to see her ever. 3.) Her cousin was murdered on Sunday.
I baked some chocolate lava muffins for Anna last night (sorry Joel, you're missing out).
I'm utilizing the shiatsu massage thing right now.
Anna had piano lessons today.
I had to help George open his mail box today. He kept trying to stick his key the wrong way into the lock.
George's glasses are always so dirty that it's a wonder to me that he can see at all.
Gray.
We stopped by the in-laws' place after Anna's lesson. Daisy played with Hank. Lucy pouted.
The lawn care guy mowed today. It's amazing how much a freshly mowed lawn makes it feel a whole lot more like Spring than a lawn of equal greenness but unequal height.
I realized something yesterday. Spring in Indiana coincides with the calendar saying that it is now spring. This is not true in Colorado or Michigan. It won't really be spring there for another month. I'm not used to seeing flowers and green grass so early.
Out of curiosity, I looked at the forecast for Colorado Springs. 70 degrees tomorrow. Snow Friday.
Howie is sleeping on the futon again. Chief is again sleeping under it.
Daisy has taken to eating our kitchen rug.
I need a magic refrigerator by this desk that can never be emptied of AriZona Pomegranate Green Tea. Go. Invent this for me. Now.
The "experts" are predicting too many good things for the Rockies this year. This makes me nervous.
Our shower drain is badly clogged, and no amount of Liquid Plumber seems to be doing any good. I need to find a drain snake or something.
My hip feels like it needs to pop.
Tea is calling my name.
Today Anna told me, "you're stupid. Put on your pants." I felt like a retarded ten year old.

Ambulance and Police Car

Daisy shredded a roll of toilet paper on our bathroom floor today.
Howie is sleeping on the futon. Chief is sleeping under the futon.
George called 911 on Thursday because he thought someone had taken money out of his bank account. The operator couldn't understand him and sent an ambulance. It took the EMTs ten minutes to figure out that George was fine and wanted the police. I don't think George realized that they weren't the police. About ten minutes after the ambulance left, a police cruiser pulled up. They talked to George for quite a while, but I have no idea how much of what he said they understood.
After church, I made chicken tacos for Anna's parents. I marinated the chicken over night, and I thought the chicken itself turned out pretty well. The problem is, after eating Chipotle, everything just seems flat without some good rice and beans mixed in.
Blue.
Anna and I took Taylor (one of the church kids) to see "Alice in Wonderland" on Saturday. Taylor has been living in an apartment just up the street from us, and Anna figured we should do something with her since she was so close. The Columbus movie theater is not equipped to show movies in 3D, so we didn't get to experience the movie to the full effect. It look cool, but overall, my reaction was just "meh." It wasn't awful, but it certainly wasn't great. It wasn't paced very well.
Troy Tulowitzki is tearing it up with the bat during Spring Training. This is encouraging, but when I hear things like this, I always feel a little sick to my stomach. I just worry more that something will go wrong when the games start to matter.
I re-stocked on AriZona Pomegranate Green Tea yesterday, and I was going to bring a bottle in here to enjoy while I wrote to you, my faithful minions. Alas, I forgot to grab one. No one has ever led a more horrible life. I am a modern day Job.
I started coughing earlier, and it felt like my head exploded. I honestly thought I had blown some vessels in my forehead or had an aneurysm. The thing is, I'm not even exaggerating about this. It hurt, and my head still feels funny.
I took Daisy outside to potty. We've been leaving her out at night but still putting her up when we have to leave the apartment.
I learned this week that the reason Darbie lives with her grandmother is that her mother is in prison. Darbie didn't elaborate much, but it seems that her mother has been in prison much of Darbie's life.
The top of my right foot itches.
People who read this blog: Beverly Hills, California
We had a random visitor from Beverly Hills. I hope this person reads this blog, takes pity on me, and sends me millions of the dollars they obviously have if they live in Beverly Hills.

Lock-in

Anna is cheating on me with a six-year old boy.
On Thursday, Abby's music class went to see the Indianapolis symphony, and she asked Anna to come along as a chaperon. Anna seemed to really enjoy it.
Anna substituted on Friday. I think she had a good day.
Friday night was the lock-in. 29 kids came. It was a fiasco.
We built a fire out behind the church and let the kids play around outside until it got dark. Once it got dark, we roasted hot dogs and made s'mores.
After we were done eating, we all headed inside and the games commenced. We had the kids play things like flashlight hide and seek, sardines (reverse hide and seek), and underwear races (the kids climbed into triple extra large tighty whiteys back to back). The kids really enjoyed the hide and seek games. I think they enjoyed the underwear races, but I think we had more fun watching them.
For one of the games, the kids dipped marshmallows into syrup and tried to drop them into the open mouths of some of the adults. The thought of it makes me feel nauseous. For another game, we covered Oreos in whipped cream and had the kids try to eat them as fast as they could without using their hands.
There was one girl there that was absolutely obnoxious. When Anna would ask the kids to stop talking and listen, this girl would say things like "I'm not talking." When Anna was trying to give kids a chance to hide during hide and seek, this girl kept trying to go early. She talked back at every turn and did pretty much everything she could to disrupt what Anna had planned.
This girl, combined with the sheer number of kids, proved slightly overwhelming. As a result, we cut out a few games and activities and started showing movies earlier than we had first planned.
After the first movie was done, several kids decided they would rather keep playing games on their own than watch movies or sleep. So they headed downstairs and started playing around, while the rest kept watching movies.
Several of the kids asked if I would spin the Twister dial for them. While I was doing that a bunch of kids rushed into the basement, including a very proud looking Cade. The kids announced that Cade had kissed Anna. Cade confirmed this. Everyone wanted to know what I was going to do to her for cheating on me. I just started laughing.
Cade had fallen asleep pretty early in the night, but at some point, somebody woke him up. Upon waking up, he announced to Anna that he was about ready for breakfast. It was two in the morning. I don't know if this was before or after he kissed her.
By three or so in the morning, most all of the kids had gone to bed except for a group of four girls. They stayed up until close to five. Noah woke up during this period and walked around like a zombie for awhile.
Once all the kids were asleep, Anna and I sat in the sanctuary and watched movies. We knew we couldn't go to sleep because there were teenage girls and boys present.
At eight we started making breakfast. I fixed some pancakes. I don't know how many of the kids ate breakfast.
By ten, the kids were all gone.
By eleven, we had the church pretty well cleaned up, and Anna and I headed back home.
I slept from noon until 7:30. Anna was asleep for another hour after I woke up. We went to bed again at our usual bedtime, and I actually slept pretty well. On Sunday I was actually surprised how decent I felt.

In other news, Anna's guinea pig, Edith, died today. She lived a good long guinea pig life. I buried her with Anna's other pig, Edna. Anna is very sad.

Joel came to town

On Friday night, Project 86 was in Franklin with Flatfoot 56 and Wavorly. Naturally, I went. Ironsides was the local opener. They were fine. Wavorly was fine. Flatfoot 56 was crazy. Their band is comprised of the typical guitar, bass, and drums, plus the not-so-typical mandolin and bagpipes. The bagpiper even wore a kilt. They got the crowd moshing and convinced them to do a rather impressive circle pit. I was entertained.
Project 86 was excellent as always. They played another very different set than any that I had heard last year. "S.M.C." "Chimes" "Me Against Me" "Last Meal" and "One Armed Man (Play On)" all made it onto the set list after years in absence. This show also marked the first time I ever saw Project 86 without them playing "Stein's Theme." I was sure they were saving it for the encore, but five solid minutes of shouting "one more song" did not bring them back on stage. As it was, they played a thirteen song set. All of it was spectacular.
Anna had lunch with her friend Melissa on Saturday.
While Anna was having lunch with Melissa, I was meeting Joel in the parking lot at Wal-Mart. Originally, Joel was supposed to drive himself down, but events conspired so that he ended up riding down with his mother and sister (who were heading on to Louisville to see his aunt).
I introduced Joel to our apartment. I made hot wings. Joel met the animals. He seemed to be a big fan of Chief. Daisy seemed to be a big fan of Joel.
Joel agreed to go to Cincinnati with me to see Project 86 on Saturday night. The venue is called The Underground (not particularly original). I had never been there before and was very pleasantly surprised. On approach, I realized it was one of those venues that grew out of some mega-church wanting to build the biggest most impressively awesome youth center it could. Thus, though I am sure I would hate the church that built the place, I was thoroughly impressed by the place itself. It had two levels, complete with a coffee bar, a video game room, computers for internet access, clean bathrooms, pool tables, several video screens, and an excellent stage and sound system. It made for a great venue for a rock concert.
This was Joel's first true rock show. I think he enjoyed himself alright. He was probably amused by my antics up by the stage during Project's set.
For the opening acts, I stood in back with Joel, but for Project, I made my way up to the front of the stage. As I said, the sound was really good and helped make for an excellent show. At one point, Andrew knelt in front of me, looked me in the eye, and gave my shoulder a squeeze, and I thought to myself, "Self, when you write about this in your blog, it is going to sound so incredibly gay."
After the show, I said hi to Andrew. At this point, he certainly knows me by sight, and he mentioned the "nice little moment" we shared during the show. He also asked me how many shows this made for me. "Twelve," I said. "You're still an amateur," he replied. Don't worry. He was kidding.
Joel, Anna, and I all spent the weekend at Anna's parents' house. It just allowed Joel to have a room to himself, where there wouldn't be animals all over him. Though the whole no animal theory didn't hold strictly true, seeing as Hank drug Joel's toothbrush around the house and tried to eat his medication.
On Saturday, I got tricked into to teaching teenage Sunday School. I don't know if I mentioned this before, but there is this family that had been going to Brown's Corner. The father taught the teenage Sunday School. When Anna's dad became the pastor, he started leaving church after Sunday School so that his family wouldn't sit under a non-Baptist's preaching. He informed Anna's father that God hadn't told him that he could leave the church yet but that he couldn't let his family listen to Anna's father preach. Apparently this past week, God finally told him that he could leave the church.
Now I am teaching Sunday school. It's alright I guess. Anna will do the children's church stuff, and I'll do teenage Sunday School.
On Sunday morning, I had my class (which is pretty much just two girls) give me ideas for what they wanted to learn. I'll try to make the class as awful as possible for them.
Joel, Anna, and I spent most of Sunday just hanging out.
On Monday, we felt it necessary to right a wrong. Joel had never had Chick-fil-a. We fed him Chick-fil-a. His reaction was two-fold. He was very grateful for experiencing it, and he was very sad that there are none near him in Michigan. He particularly enjoyed his char-grilled sandwich.
Joel had to meet his mother at five Monday night, so that he could go down to Louisville and see his aunt as well. By the time we got back to Anna's house from Chick-fil-a, we really needed to be hitting the road again to go meet Joel's mother, but I wanted Joel to have one last new experience before he left. So I got out my handgun and introduced Joel to the wonders of firearms. Joel actually proved to be a decent shot for his first time. Due to the time constrains, he only got to shoot a couple clip-fulls, but he did manage to hit the target several times.
When we got in the car to go meet Joel's mother, Anna was convinced we would be ten or fifteen minutes late. But I will have you know that we pulled off the interstate at our exit at 5:01 p.m. And in fact, the map we had used to decide where to meet had lied about there being an A&W at that exit, so Joel's mother went off in the wrong direction looking for the missing restaurant, and thus, we ended up having to call her and tell her where we were.
I should mention this. While Joel was transferring his bags from our car to his mother's, his aunt found it necessary to start showing Anna all the shoes she had just purchased while shopping. I have no idea why. I also inferred from some comments made by Joel's mother that the part of Joel becoming a lawyer that makes her the most pleased is how good he looks in suits.
People who read this blog: Person from Russia
Someone from Russia has visited our blog several times. I don't know how they are finding it. As far as I can tell, they aren't googling anything. I really don't know. So this is a shout out to my mysterious Russian reader. You know who you are. How's mother Russia treating you? Give Putin a kick in the balls for me.