Itchy + (word that rhymes with itchy and starts with b)

I'm no longer itchy. I was itchy. But I'm not anymore. It's all because I showered.
Before I showered I was itchy. I was itchy because I was covered in bits of hay. I was covered in bits of hay because I helped Anna's father load 81 bales of hay into the hay loft of his neighbor's barn.
Even while being covered with pokey bits of hay cemented to my skin by salty sweat, I didn't want to take a shower. Unfortunately, I didn't think Anna would appreciate me getting into our bed in such a state.
The reason for the vulgar title you ask? Earlier this summer, Anna was randomly rhyming words with "itchy." Unthinkingly, she added a "b" to itchy. And she did this right in front of her parents. She was mortified.
It's alright though, Anna's mother decided that "A" was for a...s...s.... I won't even begin to explain how that came about. I don't think I quite understand what was going on.
So today was Anna's paternal grandmother's birthday. We went to her Salvation Army church in the morning to surprise her. Anna and her father were practically torn to pieces when the Majors learned that they hadn't brought their instruments or any song they were prepared to sing.
I should remind everyone that the Salvation Army is right next door to these apartments, so Anna and I didn't really have to go anywhere this morning in order to get to church. Well the service started at 10:30. At 10:00, I had just awoken and was going through my usual wake-up routine of nude web surfing when I suddenly heard the sound of our patio door open and the lovely tones of my in-laws' voices. Yeah, that was awkward. I had no idea they would come over to our apartment before the service. Fortunately, my computer is in a separate room from where they came in, so I was able to warn them that I was in a state of undress. That woke me up.
After the service, we went over to dear grandma's to have lunch.
Throughout the whole church service and meal, we got to hear how much everyone loves dear grandma. "She's such a blessing." All we can respond is "she's something."
Anna and I came back to our place after lunch. I took a nap. I'm not sure what Anna did.
When I woke up, we went over to Anna's parentals' house. That is where I ended up helping with the hay. Anna's father stores his hay in a neighbor's three million year old barn. I'm not a small man and being up in the hay loft gave me the heebiejeebies. Fortunately it didn't collapse on me. While stacking the hay, I was always attacked by some unknown gigantic rodent. And by attacked, I mean that one ran past me. And by gigantic, I mean slightly larger than a mouse.
I'm not wearing any boxers.
I'm not wearing any briefs either.
I'm not even wearing any boxer-briefs.
I am, however, wearing some shorts. So unfortunately, I'm not altogether naked at the moment.
I think I want to go get hammered and then spend some more time working on "Midnight's Children." It's not like this book is that long. I guess I just get bogged down in the density of his writing.
I'm thirsty.
I trimmed my goatee before my shower. I did it before my shower so that I could make sure to wash off all the whiskers.
It's weird to look at facebook pictures of guys I knew in high schoo because so many of them now have facial hair, and at CSCS, facial hair was forbidden.
I'll probably grow back the full beard for the winter. I thought it was a decent look for me.
But then again, everything is a good look for me. I'm just that handsome. All you girls (and some of you guys) are just so jealous of Anna. I know. You should be.