...And the Smoke Alarm Just Wouldn't Stop

My computer mouse doesn't want to roll to the left. My life is ruined.
I usually check the mail before I go to the office in the morning. In this mornings mail, I found an envelope from some strange place called "Hungary." I thought Anna should probably be warned that someone from this "Hungary" place was stalking us. Inside the envelope, there were a number of very lovely pictures of some very lovely people. These people even looked kind of familiar. Strange. It was a good start to the morning.
Then the morning got worse.
Bobbie was waiting in the Community Room when I got back to the office. She said she had something to talk to me about, but this of course wasn't as important as checking her mail. So while she did that, I pressed the "play" button on the answering machine. I had a message from Adult Protective Services. They wanted to talk to me about Beulah. They didn't say what it was concerning. They just wanted me to call back. Bobbie came in before I had a chance to call APS.
"Beulah called me this morning. She told me that Alice stole $15 from her." Well, at least that answered my question about why APS wanted to talk to me. Honestly, those first two sentences from Bobbie were all the information I really needed to hear from her. Instead, I was treated to a 45 minute speech about everything from Alice's no good kids and grandkids to Bobbie's desire to have the mortician remove her mustache when they prepared her body for viewing. Bobbie stayed on topic (i.e. Alice and Beulah) for about five minutes. The other forty minutes were all over the map. I heard more about her days working with victims of child molestation for the police department. I heard her prediction that she wouldn't be around very long. I heard how, when she dies, the city of Columbus will probably erect a statue in her honor for the charity work she has done: "Not to be bragging or anything."
Finally Bobbie left and right on queue, Beulah came in. According to Beulah, Alice had invited her over to her apartment, but while they were both there, Alice excused herself for awhile "to do laundry." When Beulah returned to her apartment, she discovered $15 missing. She admitted to me that she can't prove it, but she knows that Alice did it. I was treated to another fifteen minutes of far more focussed ranting. I got to hear all about how Alice's son Tony and her other family members don't work and how Alice would do anything for them. She seemed the most upset that she'd now how to lock her door whenever she wasn't in her apartment. I just let her talk it out, and when she left, I think she was at least satisfied that I knew the situation and that I couldn't do much about it.
During my conversation with Beulah, Daulton tried to come in and add his two cents about Alice's grandson's thieving ways, but I made him wait. When Beulah left, I explained to Daulton that I didn't want Beulah or anyone else knowing more than they already did about the situation. It would just make them more upset and angry and, it wouldn't lead to a resolution. I did, however, let Daulton tell me what he knew. According to Daulton, Alice's grandson proudly told him about robbing someone who owed him money. He told Daulton all about stealing an ipod and a gps and a cell phone as revenge. It doesn't surprise me. What frustrates me is the little I can do about it.
After I finally got all done talking to Bobbie and Beulah and Daulton, I managed to call the guy from APS back. He didn't answer. I left a message and provided him with my office hours. I never did get a call back. We'll see if he calls me tomorrow.
Nothing else too interesting happened while I was in the office today, but that doesn't mean my day stopped being interesting.
At about 4:30, I had taken Daisy outside, so she could relieve herself. While we were out there, I sound caught my attention. I realized I had been hearing it for at least a minute or two before it finally registered, and when it did register, I thought, "Uh oh." It was the unmistakeable sound of a smoke alarm. I headed a little closer to the building to see if I could tell where it was coming from and saw the buildings fire alarm lights flashing. It wasn't just someones smoke detector. It was the entire apartments alarm system that was going off. I hurried inside with Daisy and grabbed my keys. In the hallways, I found most of the residents looking around bewilderedly. Some were banging on other resident's doors to make sure they were alright. I saw no immediate sign of a fire, and the noise of the alarm made it impossible to think, so I first went to the office and reset the system. Once it was reset, I started exploring the building and asking residents if they had checked on the people that weren't in the hall. Several people started telling me they could smell smoke in the short wing of the building. I was about to head over there to investigate when the alarm started sounding again. I reset it again, and then headed towards what turned out to be a very smokey hallway. I could see all the residents from that wing except Katie, so I asked if anyone had checked on her. No one had and I was about to go myself when the alarm started sounding again. I reset it and then made my way to Katie's apartment. I learned from those ahead of me that Katie was indeed the source of all the smoke. Apparently, Katie and George had been sitting around smoking, and Katie had brilliantly decided that she should dispose of her cigarette in a wastebasket. Needless to say, this lead to a small, very smokey, fire. I checked on George and Katie myself to make sure that the fire was indeed out. The wastebasket ended up safely on her front porch. I then made sure Katie had her back door opened, to vent the smoke, and I had the hallway doors propped to air out the building. It still required two more trips to the office to reset the system, before all was quiet.
I wasn't back in my apartment long when I had a knock on the door. Mildred wanted to know how to open the screen on her storm doors. I wasn't too surprised at this request, since the screen rolls up very cleverly at the top of the door, but when I looked at her door, I was, for a minute, stumped myself. I finally gathered that her door, though it looked the same as the rest, had a different latch system for the screen. I showed her how it worked and returned to my apartment.
Fortunately, so far I haven't had to have any more dealings with residents since Mildred came calling.
I'm about to go to Wal-Mart.
My right nostrel itches.
Red (I think). I'm actually wearing other clothes, so it's hard for me to tell.
The Broncos are terrible. They will have no chance against real opponents. So far they have had one of the easiest schedules in the league. They are probably the worst 6-0 team ever. It saddens me to know that these fluke wins cannot continue. At least they can't lose next week.
Anna just showed me some of her pictures from the zoo trip. She took some good ones. Maybe, if you ask nicely, she'll post some on the blog for all to see.
People who read this blog: Person from Nepal
Dear Person from Nepal,
I'm not sure how you found this blog. I didn't know sherpas knew what the internet was. There must be a heck of a wireless signal on top of Everest. Did you wrap your yaks horns in foil to create a bigger antenna? Your flag isn't even a rectangle. Why are you reading a blog about my daily choice of underwear and my cats pooping habits? Shouldn't you be guiding foreign tourists to their deaths on the slopes of the world's tallest mountain? I don't hate you, my dear Nepali friend. I'm just astounded that you know what a blog is. Or do you?
Yours confusedly,
Hehoff